Treading Water
by shippingslut
Summary: AU Brick. Takes place in King County after Lori's death. Rick is a crank, miserable, SOB. Beth is new in town and hired to tutor Carl through summer school. (I'm pretty terrible at summaries, so just read the thing. And I apologize for deleting it and reposting. I had problems with stuff. Thangs.) Rated MA for reasons.
1. Chapter 1

Beth stood at the empty counter, trying to concentrate on the small stack of crumpled bills in front of her, desperately wishing each time she counted her tips that they would miraculously add up differently, add up to something that made her shift worth the effort she'd put into it. Of course they never did. Her feet ached in her beat up Converse, the sweat wouldn't stop dripping from her brow, and even her face was stiff from smiling at customers for twelve straight hours. And somehow all she had to show for it was twenty-three whole dollars, five of it all in coins, the change stuffed into her pockets making her feel even more weighed down than she already was.

Earlier in the week her boss had regretfully informed her that they were cutting her, and if she'd needed any other sign that her time had come to an end, this was it. Summer had officially arrived and the diner's business had been painfully slow, the proof was stuffed into her apron as she finished her last day, wiping down the counters, taking her frustration out on the stains and grime that had collected over the course of the day.

"You're gonna break your arm before you get all that dirt off."

Tara's voice made Beth startle, dropping the rag on the floor by her feet.

"Don't bother picking it up. It can your little fuck-you to the boss man for giving you the axe."

Beth laughed, bending over to retrieve it anyway. As angry as she was to suddenly find herself without a job, she couldn't take it out on the owner. Plus, it was only fair. She was the newest waitress there and they simply didn't need her anymore. It was time to move on.

"It's alright. I'll find something else. I have to." Beth told her friend while they finished up for the night.

"You haven't even started looking yet, have you?"

"Well...no."

Beth really didn't want to talk about it, she knew she was up shit creek without a paddle. The past year she'd been tinkering around with odd jobs, had been relieved when she'd gotten the waitress position. But now it was over too, and she'd be back to twiddling away in her lonely apartment until the final notices started piling up in her mailbox.

But it was a nice apartment, at least. She'd spent every dime from her father's estate decorating it, picking out just the right accessories, had even splurged on a new piano that was siting in her living room untouched, not once had she pressed her fingers against it's dusty keys.

She'd known it was a mistake to blow through all the money that she'd gotten from her and her sister selling their father's farm. But the truth was, Beth hadn't had any better plans. Lost without her father and the farm she grew up with, she'd packed up and moved with money in her pockets to burn. Why she hadn't seen a disaster coming still amazed her. A small town in King County was not the place to run to, she realized that now. There were no jobs, hardly any people her age, no opportunities for the music she desperately wanted to pursue. Beth had choosen it simply because the houses had been cheap and there hadn't be a soul there that knew her. No one on the street stopped to ask her how she was coping without her dad, her older sister wasn't lurking behind every corner coming to harass her about what she was doing with her life. It had seemed like a good idea. Until her bank account had gotten dangerously close to zero with no way to replenish it.

"You any good with high school English?"

Tara's question raised Beth's eyebrows, it was random and not exactly the type of thing they usually talked about while finishing up for the night.

"I guess, why?"

"I actually heard about something you might be interested in. A tutoring thing."

Sadly, the mention of any type of job caught her attention. She had enough money maybe for one more month's worth of bills but she knew she needed pocket money until then too. Gas added up quick and now she didn't even have free meals from the diner to count on.

"Tutoring? Don't you need like, qualifications for that or something?" Beth asked skeptical.

Tara just laughed, and shook her head.

"Not for this. It's my little brother's best friend. He's in summer school trying to play catch up so he can pass. Just needs some extra help. He's having a hard time finding someone who will to do it."

"Why?"

Beth was imaging a giant ninth grader that probably ate the other kids for lunch and smelled like cigarettes and stolen booze. She wasn't sure if she was quite that desperate yet. If she'd ever be. Especially for a gig that probably wouldn't add up to much cash.

"Well, it's Carl Grimes that's looking." Tara told her, said in it a way like the name should explain it all.

"Okay...and?"

"The son of Rick Grimes. You know."

Beth didn't know. It was one of the things she hated about this small town she'd landed herself in. Everybody knew everybody, except for her. Already she'd heard the way the customers at the diner gossiped. This was a place where no one had secrets. The good part was that no one knew her secrets yet, but she was often left feeling very much like an outsider when someone would ask if she'd heard about so-and-so and she never had a clue.

"No, I don't know."

Tara sighed in frustration, hopping up on the counter getting comfortable, about to let Beth in on something that she was clearly supposed to already know.

"You've heard about that woman that died last year, right? The deputy's wife. Killed in a car accident with her husband's best friend behind the wheel. Rumored they were having an affair."

"I've heard something like that, yeah."

"Well, that was Lori Grimes. Rick's wife."

Beth still wasn't making the connection. So the kid had a dead mom, so what? It was tragic sure, but she didn't understand why just that fact alone would turn people off from helping him.

"I don't get it."

"Of course you wouldn't. Rick used to be adored around here, ya know? Probably the best cop we had in town. After Lori died, he just kinda shut down. Quit the force. Word around town is that he's kind of a dick now."

The story did ring a bell and Beth realized she had heard about it before. How the woman's death had caused the town to lose two good cops in one fell swoop. Everytime she'd heard the story whispered in the dinner, the husband's tale seemed to get more and more terrible. She'd always assumed it was just one of those stories that had been whispered so many times that no one even knew the truth anymore, that it kept growing larger and larger.

"What's that got to do with the kid though?" Beth asked, still confused.

"Nothing really. Just that Rick's been pushing everyone away for so long that there aren't many people that even wanna deal with him anymore. Carl's a good kid, but his dad is a different story. People can't see past that."

It sounded entirely unfair to Beth. Plus, she doubted this infamous Rick Grimes could be as terrible as they were making him out to be. Maybe they were all just so used to the man they used to know that they couldn't accept the man he was now. She was an outsider with no expectations.

Even if what everyone was saying was true, she figured she'd mainly have to deal with the son. So what if he had a grumpy dad. She could ignore it, so long as the guy paid her.

"I'll do it." She finally agreed, already feeling somewhat relieved at the idea of a little bit of money headed her way.

"You're sure? I'll call my brother and tell him. But you're positive?"

"Yeah. How bad could it be?"

* * *

><p>It turned out not be nearly as terrible as Tara had made it sound.<p>

Much to Beth's surprise when she'd called the number her friend had given her, a young teenage boy had answered and pretty much hired her on the spot. She had to admit it was odd that she'd hadn't needed to speak to his father, but when the kid had told her his dad was going to pay her twenty dollars for an hour's worth of work, five days a week, she'd stopped caring. So long as the man was willing to write her a check, she'd happily brush his questionable parenting techniques under the rug. The money wasn't great, but it was better than the zero dollars she was currently earning.

Even when she parked her in car into the driveway of the house her GPS had led her to, she was still hopeful. Sure, the house looked rather unkempt with it's overgrown lawn and mailbox stuffed close to bursting, but it wasn't her place to judge. Maybe they were simply too busy.

She knocked on the door, full expecting to finally meet the man everyone was always talking about, but instead was greeted by the teenager she'd spoken to on the phone. The kid was almost as tall as her, his thin frame making him seem taller, his brown hair long and shaggy, hanging in front of his eyes. His overall general appearance looking just as disheveled as the lawn. But when he spoke, Beth was surprised by how happy he seemed, how welcoming.

"You must be Beth." He said, smiling at her and opening the door to the inside.

"Yeah. Carl, right?"

He just nodded, offering her a hand a shake like a person twice his age would. She was a little put off. Most kids his age would treat a tutor with distaste, but this kid seemed pleased to see her.

"Is your dad home?" She asked, her curiosity finally get the best of her.

Where was the man that was responsible for the weird kid and the ugly house? Better yet, why the hell wasn't he there making sure the stranger his son had hired to tutor him wasn't a complete idiot? She was starting to wonder if the guy even existed.

"He's not home. But don't worry, he left me a check to give you. He went ahead and made it out for entire week. If that's okay."

Beth just nodded, not sure what else to say. She'd never tutored anyone before, and she'd definitely been led into a strange man's house with only his teenage son home. But if he didn't care, why should she?

"Come in, get out of the heat. He probably won't be home so we should just get started."

She let him lead her inside, and the moment she stepped over the threshold she suddenly understood why this man she'd never met wouldn't care who his son had picked to help him. Because he clearly didn't care about anything.

The place was a mess, something worse than a bachelor pad but not quite bad enough to alert child protective services. Her shoes were sticking to the hardwood floors as she followed the boy into the kitchen where the sight of a stack of dirty dishes and an overstuffed garbage bin greeted her, giving off a smell that made her wanna breathe through her mouth. Even the counters were sticky, covered in coffee grounds and dried up spills from the Coke cans that looked like they'd been piling up for weeks. She had to fight every urge in her body not to pick up a towel and scrub the place, but the only dish rag in sight was hanging over the oven's handle, covered in stains and looking like it was about to grow legs and walk away.

"Sorry about the mess. My dad's just been busy and I stopped trying so I could focus on school."

Never in her life had Beth felt so bad for someone, the kid was clearly embarrassed by the disarray of the place. She was trying hard not to judge his father. Told herself that maybe the guy was busy at work. Just because he'd quit being a cop didn't mean he had no job. Or maybe they were having a hard time adjusting to not having a woman around. But even so, it was getting harder and harder to give this guy the benefit of the doubt.

"Don't worry about it." She said, faking a smile for Carl's benefit.

One he didn't even seem to believe, his young blue eyes telling her all she needed to know. He was mortified.

"It's okay, I know it's a wreck. You don't have to be nice."

He was so blunt that Beth realized there was no point in playing childish games. Even if he was failing English, he was smart and demanded her respect in a way that she knew she couldn't lie to him. She wondered what all this kid had been through to have grow up so quickly. It had to have been something other than his mom dying, and she had a funny feeling it had something to do with his father.

"You're right, it's gross." She finally agreed, deciding honesty was best.

It made him laugh, glad to see that she was done handling him with kid gloves.

"You still wanna help me? If not, I understand."

Beth just shook her head, refusing to let the state of this house stop her from helping this amazing kid. It wouldn't have mattered if cockroaches were climbing the walls or if his father turned out to have devil horns and a spiked tale. Someone had to have his back, she figured it may as well be her.

"No, it's fine. Doesn't matter. I was raised on a farm. I'm used to bad smells and pig pens."

And it didn't matter in the end. She took her place at the kitchen table across from him, and quickly fell into the work, helping him along. Carl was smart, it just seemed like he'd missed a lot and now playing catch up was effecting his grades. He eagerly listened to her advice, followed directions well, and stressed when something wasn't perfect. They chit chatted through the work, him finally revealing what Beth had started to suspect. Getting a tutor had been Carl's idea, his dad had simply agreed to pay for it.

It broke her heart to imagine this young man parenting himself. She couldn't imagine how it felt to have to worry about your own grades, clean up after your father, all the while have the whole town gossiping about you. Beth didn't like to pity people, but she was pitying Carl Grimes.

So much so that when their hour was up, she hesitated before she left, not wanting to leave the kid alone when he was eagerly still talking her ear off.

"Are you any good at video games?" He asked, finally shutting his textbook and looking up at her with a boyish energy that was refreshing to see.

"Not really. I stopped playing video games when Mario was no longer two dimensional."

"That's alright. I can teach you."

"You mean like...right now?" She asked, not sure if it was appropriate.

"Sure, I mean if you have time. I can't ask my friends to play with me, I refuse to let them even come in."

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. The boy was so damn lonely he was willing to play video games with his tutor. That the friends he did have he had to keep at a distance. She knew better than to mix business with pleasure, but she couldn't say no. She didn't want to say no.

Pushing away every voice in her head that was telling her to run for the hills before she got deeper into the situation, she agreed. It was just video games with a lonely teenager. She'd play for a few minutes, pretend she had plans and then leave before getting anymore concerned. Whatever was going on in this house wasn't any of her business. Her job was to help Carl pass English, nothing more. She could humor him for a little while, then go home to her own clean apartment and forget the way her heart ached for the boy sitting across from her.

Unfortunately, one game turned into two, and before Beth knew it the sun had went down and her stomach was growling, her back stiff from sitting in the floor of the living room for so long.

"We can order a pizza if you want." Carl told her, his ears finally picking up on the noises her stomach was making.

She knew it was the perfect chance to leave, knew that she probably should. Even if it'd fun to get her ass kicked for hours on end, it was still unsettling to be in a stranger's house playing with his kid, debating what was for dinner. But she didn't feel right leaving him before making sure he'd eaten either. Did anyone ever worry if he ate dinner?

"Yeah, I guess." She finally agreed, telling herself she was doing it for him.

"Just call the number on the fridge. They'll know the usual order. I'll get the game ready."

* * *

><p>By the time Beth got off hold and actually placed the order, twenty minutes had passed and she realized Carl had fallen asleep on the sofa, the controller still in his hand. She told herself she'd wait for the delivery guy, pay for the food with the money his had left him, and take her exit, locking the doors behind herself. It didn't feel right leaving him home alone all night, but it seemed like something he was used to.<p>

She began looking around while she waited, her eyes once again taking in the state of the place. It was a mess. Not even just the kitchen, everything. And it wasn't just dirt or grime, it just felt so neglected. It was a nice place, it just needed work. Beth imagined at some point another woman had taken great pride in the upkeep, but now she was gone and so were the warm touches.

Before she could stop herself, she started cleaning. Unloading the dish washer, filling it back up again before starting a load. Wiping down the counters with some Clorox wipes she found stuffed in the back of a messy kitchen cabinet. It took two separate trips to take out all the trash, but it was worth it, the smell was already improving. She even found a broom and a Swiffer Jet and before she even had time to talk herself out of it, she'd cleaned the floors, removing months of dirt. It was insane how much of a difference it made just to tidy up one room, already the place seemed have more life.

It wasn't her place to do it, she knew that. And just when she was starting to realize she might've really overstepped her boundaries, she heard the front door open and slam shut, Rick Grimes finally making an appearance.

He wasn't anything like she'd imagined. She'd alway pictured cops as being pudgy with short crew cuts and permanent smirks on their faces.. But this man didn't have any of those things.

Rick was slim, his hair over grown and his beard on it's way to getting there. Wearing a wrinkled blue colored plaid button down and a pair of a well worn jeans, he walked into the house with a dominance about him, his lean legs moving with a purpose. It was easy to see that at one point he'd been the force to be reckoned with that people always spoke of. But right now he just looked exhausted, like he was tired of being...him.

It took him a moment to realize Beth was there, giving her the chance to observe him as his glanced over at his sleeping son, sighing at the sight. And just as she was about to announce her presence, she felt his icy blue eyes land on her, clearly not happy with the intrusion.

"I'm Beth. Carl's tutor." She told him as he made his way into the kitchen, bringing the scent of stale alcohol with him.

"I know who you are."

His voice was colder than his stare as his eyes moved around the room, picking up on all the things she'd cleaned and moved around.

She knew she didn't have a good excuse, but in that moment she really didn't care. She'd spent all night wondering who Rick Grimes was, giving him the benefit of the doubt as to why his house was a wreck and his kid was begging for attention. But now the truth she'd been denying was staring her in the face. He was nothing but a cold, unwelcoming, drunk of a man.

They both just stood there for a moment, him trying to intimidate her with nothing but his icy blue eyes and her refusing to back down.

"I don't remember hiring you to clean my house." He finally told her, tilting his head as the words escaped his lips. "Don't expect me to pay you extra for it."

"I don't"

If she hadn't just spent her entire night with his amazing kid, she might've bit her tongue. Might've stopped the next words from tumbling out.

"I did what needed to be done. Your son was embarrassed by the place. You're welcome."

His jaws clenched at the words and she seen the anger his eyes. This man wasn't used to being called out on his bullshit but she didn't care. She may have only spent a few hours with Carl, but she knew he deserved better than what his dad was giving him.

"We don't need your handouts." Rick told her, his voice so hard it sent a shiver down her spine. "You came into my house, cleaned it like we're a charity project and you expect me to thank you?"

He took a few steps closer, but Beth stood her ground. Let him stare her down while his sour breath blew hot against her face. She couldn't believe this was the person that had ever been capable of all the good things people had told her about. It was no wonder Tara had tried to talk her out of the job. Rick Grimes was exactly what everyone had said. A bitter man without even a trace of who he used to be left in him.

"You should go." He finally growled into her ear before taking a few steps back, clearly frustrated he hadn't gotten a rise of her.

She didn't have to be told twice. Grabbing her belongings off the kitchen table, she quickly headed for the front door, trying to fight off the tears that were about to start at the thought of leaving this kid alone with such a monster of a father.

"And consider yourself fired."

It was the last thing she heard as she shut the door behind herself with a bang, her tears hot on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

When Rick finally opened his eyes the next morning he immediately regretted it. The sun was too bright streaming in from the window, only serving to make his head pound harder, his eyes literally aching from the harsh light. His thirst only made it worse. His lips were dry and cracked, his entire body dehydrated from all the alcohol the night before. But the pains weren't anything new, he'd had plenty of mornings just like it, and he knew there'd be plenty more to come. Experience had taught him the best thing to do was to peel himself off the couch, guzzle a bottle of water, chase it with a handful of aspirin and take a long shower, that it'd get him through the day until he could repeat the process all over again.

But this morning was different. Carl was angry at him, Rick could already hear his son slamming cabinets in the kitchen looking for breakfast, taking out his frustrations at his dad on the kitchen appliances instead. It was just one more thing Rick could add to the list of reasons why he didn't want Beth Greene back in his house. In one night she'd managed to completely destroy their calm lives, highlighting all of his inadequacies as a parent as she went. If he never saw her again it would still be too soon.

It wasn't news that Rick needed to get his shit together. He knew he needed to put in more effort around the house, needed to find a job, needed to start being there for his son. He was more aware of his failures than people realized. But every time he told himself that today would be the day that he'd fix it all, he'd look around completely overwhelmed by the state of his life and go right back to doing what he always had.

What he didn't need was a young, pretty, blonde to remind him.

Rick knew some of the anger he'd directed at her was really the anger he'd felt at himself for the girl seeing how bad everything had gotten. He'd felt insecure, self conscious, and incompetent. It was like he'd walked into the safety of his own home only to have a stranger holding up a mirror, pointing out every flaw he had, each one he'd already been aware of to begin with. But still, it hadn't been a mistake. The girl needed to know her place, and it wasn't with them. Just thinking of how self righteous she had been to expect gratitude made his blood boil, made every muscle in his body clench in frustration.

He was still laying there on the couch, his body tense from thinking about Beth Greene when Carl approached with the car keys, throwing them on his chest.

"You have to get up, I'm late." His son said, clearly frustrated at his dad's antics.

Rick hadn't seen Carl tso angry at him in a long time. Not since right after Lori had died. And it was all Beth's fault. It was a horribly selfish thought, but it didn't stop Rick from thinking it anyway. If the girl hadn't ever butted in then Carl would've been taking it easy on him. He'd have poured Rick a glass of water already, handed him the bottle of Tylenol and left him there to recover on the couch while he walked himself to school.

"Can't you just walk?" Rick grumbled, stuffing the keys into his pocket, trying his hardest to fight the guilt he had every reason to be experiencing.

"Can't you just be normal and get up?" Carl snapped, kicking the couch so hard that it shot a pain straight through Rick's temple.

The words hurt worse than the headache did, finally making Rick get up and stretch his legs, trying not to look his own son in the eyes, trying not to let the shame on his face show.

"Let me get a drink first. Then we'll go."

"No, I'm late. I have to go."

Begrudgingly, Rick followed the boy out he door, trying to accept that he'd just have to deal with the pain he felt. All of it. Not just the one in his head. He knew the kid had every right to be mad at him.

Carl had woken up right as Beth was leaving, hearing the tale end of the argument and they'd fought about it until Rick finally couldn't take anymore and passed out on the couch. He felt like shit for upsetting Carl, but it was for the best. He had to see that. The girl had befriended Carl because she felt bad for him, nothing more. She probably seen his son as a project and Rick couldn't stand the idea. Carl was no one's charity case, he could take of him on his own. He just needed time, eventually he'd set it right.

* * *

><p>When they pulled into the drop off lane, the boy was still giving him the silent treatment. He hadn't even bothered to change the radio station, completely refusing to acknowledge his dad's existence.<br>"Son, I know you're angry. But you don't need her. I'll find you another tutor. If you want I'll go into town today and put the word out."

"Yeah, sure you will."

Carl laughed at the suggestion, both of them knowing Rick avoided town like the plague. Too many people whispering behind his back, too many eyes that refused to meet his after all the stories that had circulated about him.

"I will, I promise."

"You don't get it, do you? I don't want another tutor. I liked her. She's smart and funny, and she even played video games with me."

Rick almost rolled his eyes. Carl was blinded by the Mary Poppins image, not seeing the situation for what it really was. But he bit his tongue, not wanting to say anything that would make Carl shut down again.

"You have friends that you can play with. Why not invite them over?"

"Are you serious? Invite them to our house? So everyone can talk about how nasty the place is, how drunk my dad is. No thanks."

Before Rick could even try to defend himself, he watched Carl get out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

Not that he could defend himself. He sat there for a while, letting the statement eat away at him, realizing what Beth had said the night before was true. His son was embarrassed by him. Hearing one of his biggest fears spoken aloud hurt worse than any hangover he'd ever had. All of his mistakes were being brought to light and it was ugly. The whole time he'd thought he was treading water, but sitting there in a high school parking lot Rick was realizing he wasn't doing anything except drowning and taking Carl down with him.

He would have happily sat there forever, letting the guilt consume him, but eventually all the cars lined up began honking and yelling. Another rumor that was bound to spread around town. Crazy Rick Grimes staring into space for five minutes after dropping off his son, holding up the drop off lane. Probably talking to himself or even better, his dead wife. He'd heard it all. Rick's first instinct was to let them talk, maybe they'd come up with something new to say. But he remembered Carl's words and finally put the car in gear and pulled off, cutting off everyone that was trying to pass him in the process. For once, he didn't head straight home where a hot a shower and a few beers awaited him. Instead he steered the car in the direction of town to pick up some supplies first. He'd clean the house. He could at least do that much.

* * *

><p>By the time he got home with a car load of cleaning supplies, Rick was already spent. The cruel Georgia heat was partly to blame for his headache getting worse, but it was also from being on edge the entire time. He'd expected to walk in the store and hear people talking under their breath, already discussing the events that had taken place at his house the previous night. It was usually what always happened. Whenever he made a spectacle of himself people seemed to immediately know, almost before he did. At one point, he'd appreciated that aspect of small town living, it'd came in handy when he was still a cop. Now he couldn't stand the gossip.<p>

But whoever Beth was, she was clearly staying quiet about the ordeal. She was new in town, he knew that much. There wasn't a face in the entire town he couldn't put a name to, and usually a story to go along with it. But this girl was a complete mystery and if he had it his way, she'd stay that way. Maybe she actually knew how to keep her mouth shut, or maybe she simply didn't have anyone to tell, it didn't really matter, still didn't earn her any points in his book. If it hadn't been for her, there wouldn't ever have been a situation to tell anyway.

Finally, he pushed the thoughts of her out of his mind and started loading everything inside, still trying to work up the energy to actually do what he'd set out for. Truthfully, he wanted nothing more than to crawl back onto his usual spot on the couch and go back to sleep, what he'd usually be doing at this time of day. But he couldn't. Carl's words were still running through his pounding head, the wounds still too fresh to ignore.

He started in the living room, trying to keep it simple, trying not to feel overwhelmed. It didn't take much to overwhelm him anymore and even though he hated to admit it, a small part of him was glad Beth had already done the kitchen. Just the sight out of it probably would've made him surrender. No, he kept his tasks small at first.

Picking up the dirty dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. Arranging the pillows neatly on the couch, putting all of Carl's games in their cases and stacking them up neatly next to the TV. Once all the small items were put back in place, he even pulled out the vacuum and suffered through the loud hum while he cleaned the floor. He found his rhythm quicker than he'd thought he would. There was something cathartic about correcting everything, something even more freeing when he purposely started organizing things in a way that Lori never would've, a way that was all his own.

Before he knew it, he was actually running the washer and dryer, actually folding the clothes it spit out and putting them away. It was amazing and terrifying to realize just how bad he'd let things get. The moment he realized the dark lines in between the shower tiles were mold, he almost gave up, calling it a lost cause, wanting nothing more than to pour a drink and once again pretend it was a pointless endeavor.

Instead, for the first time in a year, he tried to put himself in his son's shoes. Imagined what it was like to try to get clean in such a disgusting place, how it felt to be sober enough to realize the grout wasn't supposed to be black.

And it was there, sitting in the bathtub with a scrub brush and an extremely sore elbow when he heard the knock on the front door. At first he ignored it. The only people who bothered them anymore were Jehovah's Witnesses and Girl Scouts, neither of which he was in the mood to talk to. But whoever it was in insistent and eventually he caved, figuring it was at the very least, a good excuse to yell at someone for the day.

He opened the door, expecting to see a few bible pushers, but of course it wasn't that easy.

It was Beth.

"Thought I told you that you were fired." He said, not quite believing she was standing there on his front porch, already feeling the peace he'd felt while cleaning leave his body, making him immediately tense.

He let his eyes scan her body, from the frown on her young innocent face all the way down her tone legs and back up again. It was an old habit, sizing someone up with a glance, one she didn't seem to appreciate, only making her lips go into tight line. Not that he gave a fuck. He figured she was lucky he hadn't already closed the door in her face.

"I came to give this back to you." She said, shoving the check he'd written back in his face. "I don't want your money. Not even for the hour last night."

It was her turn to look him over and Rick knew he looked like shit. Still wearing the same clothes from the night before, sweat dripping down him from a hangover mixed with the work he'd been doing. He didn't even want to imagine the dark circles that were under his eyes or how bloodshot they were. And standing in the open doorway in the heat wasn't helping either.

The idea of her judging him made him grit his teeth, no longer caring about the intrusion, just dead set on making her feel as dumb as she thought he was.

"Try again." He said, yanking the check out of her hand with so much force it almost ripped, making her instinctively pull back from the sudden movement. "You could've torn this up, thrown it away, just forgot about it. No. You came here for something else."

She met his gaze, trying to stare him down with her big blue eyes, but he just laughed at the attempt.

"You gonna spit it out?" He asked, trying to make her feel as small as he'd felt when he walked in to find someone else caring after his son.

Finally, he watched as she swallowed and looked down. Clearly losing her confidence as she stared at her shoes.

"You're gonna let me come back." She told him, her voice weak.

Rick laughed at her words, the sound menacing to his own ears.

"What happened to the tough girl from last night?" He leaned in and whispered in her ear, causing her take another step back.

Thinking that he'd officially scared her off for good, he was surprised when he felt her hand land firmly against his cheek, a loud smack that the neighbors could probably hear and that caused the ache that had been in his head all day to double in intensity.

He'd expected the shock of it to make his fists immediately clench, but instead he just felt too damn tired to care. The effort he'd been putting in all day was officially getting to him. He was tired of the conversation, tired of cleaning, tired of caring, tired of everything. All he wanted to do was be left alone.

It was why he didn't say anything, just stood there, letting her speak her peace. She was the reason he'd been having to try so hard all day to appease Carl and in that moment he was willing to do whatever he had to if it got rid of her. Even if meant shutting up.

"Screw you." She snapped, her voice growing stronger. "Seriously, just screw you."

"Yeah, you said that."

They stared at each other for a moment, her anger finally starting to reside, him just waiting on her to finish.

"You're gonna let me come back. Actually, you aren't gonna let me. I'm just coming back."

As much as he wanted to argue, he knew he was in no shape to do it. The day had taken it's toll on him, the confrontation using up more energy than he had to spare.

Finally, with a sigh, he opened the door wider, allowing her inside, figuring if she was going to continue to ride his ass she could at least do it in the air conditioned house.

* * *

><p>He watched from behind as her body moved through his living room into his kitchen, her eyes scanning over everything he'd straightened already. A better man might have felt pride, but he was so bitter that he actually had the urge to mess it all up again right in front her. He actually imagined what her face would look like if she'd came back to find the kitchen in disarray again and smiled at the image. It was then that he knew he needed a drink, that whatever had possessed him to care for a few hours was officially gone.<p>

Feeling her disapproving stare on his back, he reached into the cabinet and pulled out his bottle of Jack, unscrewed the cap and took a big swig before he even attempted a conversation. The minute the burn hit his throat, he felt his muscles immediately loosen, knew the noise in his brain would stop shortly after.

To his surprise, she didn't object. Instead she took the bottle from his hands when he turned around and tossed a shot back, cringing at the taste.

"You even old enough for that?" He asked, sitting down at the table waiting to get his hands back on his drink.

"I'm 22. And so what if I wasn't? What would you do, Officer Friendly? Arrest me?" She smirked an evil grin of her own before dropping her well played jab. "Oh wait...you can't."

So she knew, he realized. She might have just landed in town, but she'd already heard his story.

"You done?" He asked, trying not to let the mockery bother him.

He should've been used to it by now. God knew he heard it from everyone else, jokes about not being a cop anymore, people using his old nickname only to remind him of who he used to be. But he hadn't expected it from her, the one person in the entire town that was more of an outsider than him.

"Take it." She said, passing the bottle back to him in disgust, clearly misunderstanding the question.

Taking another healthy swig, he looked up at her, waiting on her to go on. Ready to hear her list of reasons as to why she should came back, already preparing his own list as to why he'd never let her. But instead, she was just standing there, looking down at him, in every sense of the word.

"You're miserable." She finally spoke, the revulsion etched clearly on her face, her brow furrowed and her lip turned up in disgust. "I wanna say the worst things to you, things I wouldn't say to normal people."

"Well, good to know I'm special."

The alcohol coursing through his veins wasn't working fast enough for Rick's liking, he wasn't numb enough for the conversation yet. Instead he was just gritting his teeth, waiting for her to exhaust herself.

"But I'm not here to talk about you, just Carl. If you want drink yourself stupid, there's nothing I can say that'll stop you. Especially if your own son isn't reason enough."

He felt his patience wearing thin. Nothing she was saying was new to him, he'd heard it all before, even from himself.

"Can you hurry this along? Beg for your job back already so I can say no."

"I'm not begging for it back. I'm gonna keep comin', even you don't pay me. Your son is a great kid. And he needs help and clearly, I'm the only one willing to do it. And you might be a selfish prick, but even you won't deny him that."

"How do you know what I'll do?" He asked, genuinely curious.

He thought he'd gotten the point across to her by then, just how little he cared. If she'd gotten any other impression it was purely a misinformed idea made up in her own mind, one he honestly wanted to hear.

He met her eyes and for once seen something other than hate behind them. Just someone that was tired of playing his games.

"Because shitty parents don't have well rounded kids. They just don't. It can't be all thanks to your dead wife either. I've heard about how you used to be. I might be new but word travels fast around here. Surely you know that."

Rick looked anywhere but at her. Didn't wanna face what she was about to say. Didn't wanna hear the inspirational speech he'd tried to give himself hundreds of times already. It was a moment of weakness, one he wished he hadn't let slip because she just took advantage of the opportunity and kept pushing.

"At some point you gave a fuck. There's no denying that. And you still do or else you wouldn't have gotten in my face last night over what I did. You were ashamed, and men who don't care anymore don't feel shame. I realized it almost as soon as I left."

Not knowing what to say, he took another drink, trying to stop the lump in his throat from forming. Finally, after screwing the lid on tight, he spoke, blaming the alcohol that was finally taking effect for his honesty.

"Even if I let you come back, it's too little too late."

The sight of her shaking her head at him, trying to offer even the smallest bit of comfort angered him. He didn't deserve it, and he didn't deserve it from her of all people. He didn't want it either. Maybe he was greedy, or maybe he wasn't as far gone as he thought. But he wanted his salvation to come from himself, not from a beautiful girl, half his age, that had no idea the mess she was getting herself into. The thought that it'd even almost happened made him angrier than her cleaning his house ever would.

"You should go." He grunted through his teeth, trying not to direct his frustration out on the wrong person.

He watched her mouth drop, the disappointment on her face.

"You're serious?"

Instead of explaining, he pushed the rumpled check back across the table towards her. His eyes meeting her's in surrender.

She understood the gesture, grabbed the paper and stood up.

"Thank you. Tell Carl I'll be here tomorrow."

He just nodded, refusing to look at her as she walked towards the door, breathed a sigh of relief when it finally closed behind her.

Never in his life had he felt so defeated. Or angry at himself for letting her words get under his skin. But he knew at the end of the day, they were his words too that were bothering him. She'd just been the one to voice them aloud. He was irritated that Beth was doing all the things he should've been doing. Even his cleaning the house was in a sense thanks to her, he knew that. And when Carl got home and seen all the work Rick had done, the smile on his face would be because of Beth. Not Rick. He imagined telling his son that he was letting her come back, it would be another smile that Rick hadn't really earned.

Finally, he pushed the bottle of Jack away and stood up. He'd finish the bathroom, then take a shower. Maybe tomorrow he'd take care of the lawn, or even look for a job. Either way, he was going to find something good for Carl that would be all his own, that Beth Greene couldn't take credit for.


	3. Chapter 3

Beth was officially convinced that Rick had backed out on her. The sweat was dripping down her body, making her clothes cling to her skin, the skin that was quickly becoming sun burnt while she sat on the top step of the porch waiting for Carl. He was fifteen minutes late for their first session since Rick had grudgingly agreed to let her come back, and by the looks of things he wasn't coming any time soon. But she knew Carl wouldn't stand her up, even if she'd only really met him once. It meant too much to him. No, this had Rick's name written all over it. She could just imagine him purposely leaving her out there to suffer, probably making bets on how long it took her to feel stupid and finally leave. Maybe if it'd been anyone else she was dealing with, she could've given them the benefit of the doubt. But she'd already given that to him once and it hadn't turned out so well.

A small part of her had thought maybe she'd gotten through to him with their last talk. She'd seen how uncomfortable her words had made him, had quietly observed as he tried to drink the effects of them away. When he'd pushed that check back at her, she'd almost snatched it up without another word and left before he had time to change my mind. And maybe she should have. Because clearly something had happened, Carl wouldn't just leave her hanging, she refused accept that as the cause for her sitting there at Grimes residence about to have a heat stroke. But Rick on the other hand, he seemed to live purely to disappoint other people.

She was about to throw in the towel, let him win one round, and show back up the next day, and the day after that. Keep showing up until she broke him. She was willing to wager it wouldn't take much. But before Beth even stood up, she noticed the woman walking towards her, coming from the house next door.

The woman was thin and lean with short spiked gray hair that matched her frame, a friendly smile on her face as she approached.

"You're Beth?" She asked, stopping in front of Beth on the steps.

Beth just nodded, confused. No one in this town really knew her name.

"I'm Carol, the neighbor." She said, extending her hand to shake.

"Beth, the tutor." Beth explained, shaking the woman's hand, hoping her sweaty palms didn't put her off. But if she was Rick's neighbor, she doubted much could put her off anymore.

"Carl called from his school, wanted me to tell you he's running late. Rick forgot to pick him up so he's walking home."

So it had been Rick's fault afterall, she thought to herself. Maybe he hadn't intentionally made her sit out in the heat, but he was the reason all the same. And if it hadn't been for the fact that she wasn't the only one suffering, Carl was too, she might've felt bad for jumping to conclusions. But because he'd seemingly forgotten his son's well being once again, she just felt frustrated.

"Come on over and sit with me while you wait. It's air conditioned and I have cold tea." The woman offered, a tempting smile on her face.

"Thanks."

Beth didn't have to be told twice, it was insufferable outside. Plus, whoever this woman was, she spoke Carl and Rick's names like she quite familiar with them and it caught Beth's interest. She'd never really sat down with someone who knew them well, someone who might have actual insight into the situation other than the gossip they'd collected around town.

* * *

><p>"Make yourself at home." Carol told her as soon as they stepped into the house where a cool blast of air greeted Beth's sweaty skin. "I'll go make us some drinks."<p>

"Thanks, again."

"No problem. A friend of Carl's is a friend of mine."

Beth smiled at the statement, happy to realize he had someone else in his life that cared about him.

"Go on, sit. I'm sure the heat sucked the life right out of you."

The heat had made her tired and she wanted to do nothing more than sit and accept this woman's generosity, but before she got the chance, her eyes landed on a photo that was sitting on the mantel, her eyes not quite believing the image in front of her.

Picking it up, running her fingers over the glass, she stood there grasping it her hands, studying every detail.

The picture was of Carol and what appeared to be her husband with a small girl. But also in it was Rick, Carl, and who Beth could only assume was Lori. It looked like it'd been taken at some type of summer barbecue, the type where good friends got together for a few good drinks and a whole lot of good laughter. There were so many details to drink in from one snapshot that her eyes couldn't keep up, finally settling on Rick's face, the place where they were most drawn.

He was standing with one arm draped around his wife, the other resting on a tiny Carl's shoulder, his hair clean cut and his face was baby smooth. But the thing that stood out the most out of the entire photograph was his smile. A genuine grin, one so breathtaking Beth could actually feel the warmth, even from an image.

He really had been happy once.

Not just happy, Beth figured, but full of life if his smile was anything to go by. The man in the picture seemed nothing like the man she'd been talking to. He seemed every bit of what people had been telling her he'd always been, a small part of her not ever having believed them. She'd thought maybe it was just hero worship because he'd worn a badge. But no. This Rick looked just as beautiful as the stories she'd heard told about him. His blue eyes were shining with a light that wasn't even recognizable.

Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to smash the frame against the floor, to stomp the glass the tiny pieces. It hurt too bad to look at. Just imagining the family that used to exist, the father Carl used to have.

"Hard to believe, huh?"

Beth had been so deep into her thoughts that she hadn't noticed Carol come back into the room, sitting down two cups of cold tea on the coffee table. The question made her jump and she almost ended up dropping the picture anyway, even after deciding it probably wouldn't be best to go around smashing a stranger's family photos.

"Yeah, it is." Beth agreed, finally siting the frame back where it belonged before she ruined it.

Finally taking her seat on the couch, Beth took a sip out of her glass, just to distract herself. But Carol had clearly picked up on the moment, sitting on the edge of an overstuffed armchair, patiently picking the right moment to speak again, like she was thinking over the words carefully.

"I've seen your comings and goings next door." Carol said, still thinking over her words. "And I've been trying to figure it out."

"Figure what out?"

Beth had already told her she was Carl's tutor so she wasn't quite sure what Carol was getting at.

"If you're either really stupid, or really brave."

It was said with a smile and it made Beth laugh too, glad to see at least one person in the neighborhood had a sense of humor.

"I think it's probably both." Beth finally admitted, not even sure herself why she was such a glutton for punishment.

"Well, either way, it's good. I try to keep an eye on Carl but it's not always easy as I'm sure you've figured out by now."

Beth nodded, understanding completely, only getting angrier at Rick as the day went on. So not only did Carl have to push his friends away, but now even their kind neighbor wasn't even allowed to help the kid.

"He wasn't always like this." Carol told her, taking another drink, looking like she dying to tell the same story Beth already knew.

"So I've heard."

"It's true though, what they say around town. Well, the good things at least. I've known him forever, at least it feels like forever. I remember when him and Lori moved in next door as newlyweds, he was fresh out of the academy and so damn eager. I was there when they celebrated their first son, and I laid in bed at night and could hear the arguing all the way from their house when they realized they weren't in love. Not that I'm so sure they ever were. And it was in this very living room that he got the call about Lori's crash. So yeah, I've known Rick a long time."

There were a million thoughts going through Beth's head, but one she kept coming back to, one thing that wasn't adding up. Finally, she asked, even if it wasn't any of her business. Carol gave the impression she wanted to talk and Beth was grateful for the opportunity to finally get answers.

"If he never loved her why he's stilling grieving so hard a year later?"

She'd practically whispered the question, almost afraid to say it aloud, understanding all too well how personal and unique the grieving process was to everyone. The fallout from her father's death was proof of that. Her sister had moved on while she still felt utterly lost.

But if Carol had any qualms answering, it didn't show. Maybe she was just a lonely woman that wanted to talk, or maybe for reasons Beth's didn't quite grasp, she thought Beth deserved to know.

"No, he loved her. You can't live with someone for so long, share such much of your life together and not love them. They were a family, even if they weren't in love. Happens all the time. But the thing not many people know, and something Rick will kill me for if he ever finds out I told you, is that he feels guilty. The day Lori died, he'd just found out about her and Shane. He came here to talk, back when he still talked to me. She wanted to work it out between them but he'd told to her leave. Few minutes go by, his phone rings. His wife and best friend were dead. The two people he trusted the most died betraying him and he think it's his fault because he wanted her gone."

The story put goosebumps on Beth's arms, ones she couldn't rub away no matter how hard she tried. She didn't want to feel sympathy for Rick, not after everything she'd witnessed him do to Carl, but it was hard not to. And as the conversation continued, it only got harder.

"So how come everyone's so hard on him?" Beth asked, hoping Carol could explain not only the town's general dislike of the man, but her's too, seeking justification for her judgments.

"Well, most people don't know what I told you. Plus, Rick's done a good job making a name for himself."

"You can say that again."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it. Right after Lori died, Rick used to go to the cemetery, sit on her fresh grave, drink himself into a stupor and talk to her. Needless to say, it gave the town something to talk about. Rick Grimes plastered, covered in dirt, talking to a dead woman. He didn't find the jokes nearly as funny as everyone else, pretty much shut out everyone out after that. Even when some people had good intentions, he was too far gone, got a reputation for taking out his anger on the wrong people. They didn't see the situation for what it was. Rick wasn't talking to Lori because he was crazy, well no crazier than any man that'd lost a wife. He was just tryin' to fix it in his mind. Tryin' to make things right with a dead woman because he felt like he owed it to her. That's the kinda man Rick was."

Still, Beth couldn't completely forgive him. It was easier for Carol, she'd been there through it all. The only version of Rick that Beth was familiar with was the cruel man that didn't even care about his own son, the one that tried to intimidate her every chance he got. As tragic as his story was, she still wasn't able to brush his faults under a rug.

"Doesn't completely absolve him though." Beth told the other woman, half expecting her to disagree.

Instead Carol just nodded in agreement.

"No, it doesn't. But I just thought you should know. Maybe the next time he's at his worst it'll stop you from giving up. Not on him, but Carl especially. He's the biggest victim here. No one needs a friend more than Carl, and it's a shame that Rick gets in the way of it."

"What about your daughter?" Beth asked, remembering the small girl in the picture, trying to change to topic from Rick before she actually grew a heart. "She's about Carl's age, right?"

Beth watched Carol's eyes shift, taking a deep breath.

"She would've been. That was my Sophia. She died a few months after my abusive prick of husband blew his brains out. A cruel twist of fate if I ever saw one. We were finally free of him, and then she drown at the public pool before she ever got to enjoy life without a monster of a father."

"I'm sorry." Beth told her, not knowing what else to say, feeling terrible for bringing it up.

She looked over at Carol, expecting to see tears or at least sorrow. But the woman was still sitting up strong, telling the story like it she'd completely detached herself from it. An admirable trait, one Beth couldn't even manage when talking about her father, much less a child. She could have put her and Rick together and they still wouldn't have equaled this woman's strength.

Normally, she wouldn't have let the next words come out. It felt like an invasion of privacy, but Carol seemed willing to share her fountain of information and Beth was dying for more.

"How'd you do it? Get over something like that?"

She wasn't just asking for Rick's sake, but her own. It seemed like everywhere she looked people were drowning in sorrow in some shape, except Carol and she had suffered the greatest lost of all.

"Time. Realizing you have to keep living, that you can't just lose yourself in it."

"You think Rick will get there?"

Beth wasn't sure why she'd asked the question, why she even cared.

"I don't know. I hope so. But only he can decide that. Although, I did notice him cleaning the place out yesterday. That's a good sign."

"I might've started that." Beth admitted, not wanting anyone to get their hopes up.

"Yeah, you may have started it. But he's the one that finished it."

Beth let the words settle, allowing the implication take root in her mind. She wasn't convinced that one day of hard work was going to change anything for Rick, or for Carl. But if the wise woman sitting across from her wanted to have faith, she wouldn't object either.

"Looks like Carl's coming." Carol said, interrupting Beth's thoughts as she glanced out the window. "He's gonna be happy to see you."

"Yeah, I guess I should go. Thanks though."

"No problem, my door is always open. Tell Rick and Carl the same, although they already know that."

Beth just nodded, not sure what else to say. She wasn't sure if thank you was even what she'd meant. It'd been nice of Carol to open up, but at the same time Beth wished she could just go back to being ignorant. Finally, she just settled on a smile and left, hoping she wouldn't regret having the knowledge she'd gained.

* * *

><p>Carol had been right about one thing, Carl was definitely happy to see Beth again. After a quick greeting, he'd rushed into the house to clean off all the sweat from walking home, leaving Beth alone in the kitchen to inspect the work Rick had done in her absence. And she had to admit, he'd done a good job fixing the place up, noticing details she hadn't when she'd been there to confront him.<p>

The place smelled like fresh laundry, a few stacks of folded clothes sitting on the counter, waiting to be put away. But it was the only thing there that didn't quite belong, giving the house a tidy but lived in vibe. Even the stainless steel sink was shining, not a single dirty dish to be found in it. Finally, curiosity got the better of her and she glanced in the fridge, surprised to find fresh fruits and vegetables filling the shelves. Beth knew they could've been there all along but she somehow doubted. Rick had clearly out did himself, now she was just ready for him to crash and burn.

It was a terrible thought, one she tried to push away. But it was the truth. She just couldn't find it in herself to give him any credit, no matter how hard either of them tried.

Before she had anymore time to snoop, Carl came out in fresh clothes that weren't dripping sweat and sat down, already opening a book to get to work.

"I see your dad's been busy." Beth told him as she sat down, not being able to drop the subject no matter how hard she wanted to. But she was desperate to hear Carl's thoughts on the situation.

"Yeah, he cleaned. But he still forgot to pick me up." The boy told her, not even trying to hide his skepticism.

"Maybe he..." her voice trailed off, they both knew there probably wasn't a good excuse. "Sorry, I got nothin'."

Carl laughed at her honesty like he always did, probably why he took to her so fast Beth figured. He just wanted someone to be there for him, even if it meant all the ugly stuff.

"It's alright. He hired you back, so I guess I'll let the other stuff go."

The list of things he'd let go was probably endless, Beth knew that. Forgetting to pick him up probably paled in comparison to the much larger offenses. Still, it was unsettling.

"Well, I'm glad he changed mind." Beth told him, taking her place across from him.

* * *

><p>The hour seemed to fly by again, and before Beth knew it she was back in the position of being asked to play video games. Anything other than tutoring hadn't been discussed with Rick, but she was past the point of caring if she ruffled his feathers. His feathers were always ruffled and she tried to keep what Carol had said to her in mind. To not allow Rick stop her from becoming Carl's friend. And put like that, it was an easy decision to say yes, happily shutting the books and reclaiming her spot in the floor next to Carl, ready to get her ass kicked.<p>

She lost track of time again, and before she knew it she was in the same position. The sun had went down, her stomach was growling, and they found themselves debating pizza toppings.

But unlike the last time, Rick came home before she ever placed an order. Still sitting in the floor next to Carl, she watched as he walked through the door, the same annoyed look on his face when his eyes landed on her. Beth thought for sure it was going to be an exact repeat of their first encounter. Thought for sure he'd snap at her for over staying her welcome.

Instead, his eyes met her's in his usual icy stare and simply gave her a small nod, acknowledging her presence, even if he wasn't pleased with it, before he headed into the kitchen.

"You forgot to pick me up." Carl told him, raising his voice so his dad could hear him from the living room.

"I'm sorry, I was just..."

Beth listened, waiting for an excuse to come tumbling out of Rick's mouth. Ready for him to try to justify his crappy parenting yet again.

"I'm sorry." Rick finally said, keeping it simple.

The reply was a shock, even Carl seemed surprised by the admission of guilt. He paused his game and looked at Beth, both just shrugging in confusion.

"I should probably getting going." Beth finally told him, already feeling bad for the disappointment on his face as she got up.

"It's okay. You're coming back tomorrow, right?"

Beth just nodded before going into the kitchen to collect her stuff. She felt Rick's glare on her back as she gathered up the books and bag she'd brought with her, felt him approach, her body already tensing for the exchange.

"You don't have to stay and play with him, you know." He spoke quietly, over her shoulder so Carl wouldn't hear.

For once there was no growling into her ear. Frustration maybe, impatience, but some of the aggression was gone. Like he was fighting every urge he had to not be angry.

Turning around to face him, she was even more surprised to realize that the smell of alcohol wasn't filling her nostrils for once. Sweat maybe. Like he'd been outside all day. Sadly even that was a refreshing change from the booze that was usually radiating out of his pores.

"I wanted to."

She didn't know what else to say. Wasn't used to having Rick approach her with anything but hatred. His stare was still cold, his voice still rough, but it was a small improvement. One she hadn't been expecting, she only expected the worst.

"Well, you can go now. I'm here."

It was her dismissal, one she'd already became familiar with. Even if was a rude, short, statement, she somehow managed to take comfort in it. It was, afterall, the only thing normal that had happened all day.


	4. Chapter 4

It took a few days, but eventually Rick managed to find a rhythm in regards to Beth. It was still a struggle to walk through his door every night and see her sitting there with his son, but he was managing to grin and bear it. Not that he ever tolerated her presence for long, but just knowing she'd gotten her way in the end still drove him crazy. Usually he'd come home after job hunting the entire day, only breaking long enough to pick up Carl and drop him off at home, and not return until late in the evening when he knew Beth would be on her way out. He was always quick to dismiss her and to his surprise, she never fought him on it. She'd just nod, say goodnight to Carl, and went on her way.

He was starting to second guess his approach though. As soon as she left and it was just him and Carl left alone together, his son almost immediately shut down. It seemed no matter how hard Rick tried, Carl wasn't impressed. It didn't matter how clean the house was, how many dinners Rick actually cooked instead of ordering take out, how sober he was. None of it seemed to make a difference. Not that he blamed the kid, but a small part of Rick had hoped it wouldn't take so long for Carl to celebrate how hard he was trying.

It was self-centered, but Rick was only human. For the first time, he really was trying and it didn't seem to be making much of a difference on any front. He'd known it was going to be hard, he'd tried to prepare himself for it. But the damage he'd done was worse than he'd ever imagined. Still, he was trying to go easy on himself. When he'd forgotten to pick up Carl the day that Beth had came back, he'd refused to give up then and there like he usually would've. It was just a minor set back, he'd told himself. Perfection didn't come over night. Jumping back in the saddle was going to take time. Even if he was ready for healing to begin, he had to recognize that it might take longer for everyone else.

And it was the same thing he kept telling himself every time he got rejected for a job. People simply weren't ready to welcome him with open arms. It was justifiable. But still, each failed attempt was wearing on him. Wearing on him so much, that eventually he'd caved and decided to head to the one place he really didn't want to go.

He'd been avoiding the local shooting range every time he drove by, even despite the help wanted sign in the window. But finally, he was getting desperate enough to give it a shot. The work would be familiar, that was a plus. But the downside was that he knew he'd be seeing many of his old friends there, and the owner lived to bust his balls. But it'd been that way for as long as he'd known the man, even before everything went to hell. Rick just wasn't sure if he was up to having a pissing contest anymore.

"You didn't come here lookin' for something to blow your brains out with, did ya?"

It was the first words out of Abe's mouth as soon as Rick walked through the door, the question announcing his arrival to all the customers more than the tiny bell on the door ever would.

Rick let the it roll off his back, almost even smiled despite himself. As much as he'd been dreading the conversation, it felt good to have someone greet him with humor, even if it was harsh.

"No, could've done that already. Still have my Python." Rick told him as he approached the counter, surprised at how easily he fell back into rhythm of their familiar banter.

"I can't believe they let you lose on the streets with that thing."

That time Rick did smile, meeting the man's eyes who was grinning back at him. As much as he hated to admit it, it felt good to have someone joking with him for once. To have someone treat him the way they always had. Abe had always been an ass, and he was still an ass.

"You look good, Grimes."

Rick just nodded, not knowing how to accept the compliment. It'd been too long since anyone had said anything like that to him, he wasn't sure if he should be offended or grateful. But knowing he was about to ask for a job, he decided to go with the latter.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now tell me what I can help ya with."

Abe was never the type to beat around the bush and Rick knew it was best he didn't either. Plus, the sooner he got the humiliation over, the better.

"Actually came to talk to you about a job."

Rick watched as the man laughed and shook his head, clearly amused at even the idea.

"No damn way. You must really be out of your mind if you think I'm gonna be the one that's dumb enough to hire you. We ain't hiring anyway."

"That' not what the help wanted signs says." Rick told him, pushing a little harder.

"The sign's wrong."

They stood there for a moment, both sizing the other up, just like they always had. Rick knew Abe was putting him through the ringer, he tried not to take it personal. He'd embarrassed himself so much already that he figured he had nothing left to lose by begging. But before he had time to lose anymore dignity, Abraham spoke, his question so blunt Rick almost left.

"What is it, Lori's life insurance drying up on you?"

The money from her life insurance was quickly disappearing, pretty soon he'd writing Beth IOUs instead of checks. But Rick sure as the hell wasn't going to admit it.

"Ain't about money."

"Then what's it about? Tell me why I should take chance, embarrass myself in front of the whole town when they find out I hired you?"

Rick clenched his teeth, told himself he was wearing Abe down, that the harassment was worth it.

"It's for Carl."

"Bullshit. If it were for your boy, you'd never quit the force. Try again."

Running his hand over his beard, Rick considered his next words carefully. It was the make it or break it moment, and he couldn't afford to screw it up. Digging deep, he finally spit out the truth. One he hadn't quite admitted to himself yet.

"Tired of feeling like shit, Abe. That so hard to believe?"

Rick could feel everyone's eyes on him as soon as the words left his mouth, even the customers that had stood around to observe the exchange. It wasn't every day Rick Grimes showed up begging for a job, but at least this time they were staring for the right reasons. At least that's what the told himself as he fought to keep his head up, refusing to look at the floor.

He stared Abe down, watched as the other man slowly smiled, finally nodding his head.

"Alright. But you show up drunk and you're out on your ass."

Rick just nodded, not quite believing his luck. The relief washing through him, already making his body relax after the excruciating exchange.

"Come in tomorrow, we'll get you started. And Rick?"

Rick just raised his eyebrows, waiting for the man to go on.

"Good to see ya back."

* * *

><p>For once, when Rick returned home, the sight of Beth in her customary spot in his floor didn't make his blood boil. To both of their astonishment, he even managed to say hello, even if he grimaced a little at the words. It was a small improvement, almost miniscule, but he still pat himself on the back for the small achievement. If he could get a job than surely he could learn to accept the fact that Beth was going to be a fixture in their lives until sumer school ended. She was only going to be around for a few weeks, he figured even he could manage to not make it any harder than it had be.<p>

It was easy to be optimistic with the high that was coursing through his veins, one that wasn't chemically induced for once, one that had everything to do with finally getting hired somewhere. Even if he'd had to stand exposed in a room full of people he didn't much like, even though it wasn't nearly as noble as his last job, still, it was something. He'd practically sped home, ready to tell Carl the news, thought maybe it'd be the one thing that might finally warm his son up, even just a little. Rick was more than willing to accept little improvements, he knew little ones eventually added up, making it all worthwhile.

But it didn't take long for him to realize that no amount of accomplishments were going to make a difference.

"So, I got some news." He said, standing in front of Carl and Beth while they played video games in the living room.

Beth looked up at him expectantly, but Carl didn't even pause the game, just looked around Rick to see the screen better.

Rick had expected as much at first, but what he hadn't planned on was Carl's complete lack of interest once he actually announced his news.

"I got a job."

Spitting out the words, he felt Beth smiling at him but his eyes stayed fixed on his son. The boy didn't even acknowledge him, his eyes stayed fixed on the television, almost like he hadn't even heard what his dad had said.

"I said, I got a job."

His temper was rising at his son's nonchalance, harder to control with each passing second. The anger he was feeling was at himself though, anger at having been naive enough to think Carl might actually be proud.

Finally, Carl paused the game to look at Rick, his face void of any emotion when he spoke.

"Congratulations."

"That's it? That's all you go to say?"

Rick hadn't been expecting a party, not even a hug. But maybe at least a smile, anything positive. He'd put himself through hell to get the job and it made no difference to Carl. Feeling like an idiot, he wanted nothing more than to rip the controller out of his son's hand and send it flying across the room, just to let his aggression out on something.

He could feel Beth's eyes on him, watching the whole exchange. Even she was staring at Carl like she couldn't quite understand his demeanor and for once, he was grateful for her presence. It was just about the only thing stopping him, holding him back. From what exactly, he wasn't sure. Quite possibly from walking into the kitchen and grabbing the bottle he had tucked away in the back of a cabinet.

But having her there, an outsider watching a private moment forced him to behave, pushed him to keep his calm at his son's next words.

"What do you want me to say?" Carl finally asked, looking every bit as irritated with his dad as Rick was by him. "That now you have a way to embarrass yourself in public too? That I give it a week before you get fired? Because you will."

It was said with so much conviction that it sent a shiver down Rick's body as he stood there, speechless. He actually looked towards Beth, surprised to see the she was equally as baffled by his son's hostility. It was a small comfort, but not nearly enough.

"You don't care about anything except yourself. You don't even remember what day it is." Carl whispered.

And if looks could kill, Rick would've died twice over. In that moment his son looked at him with nothing but hatred in his eyes. Not even disappointment, almost as if he'd moved past it, and officially settled into loathing.

Rick just shook his head. Wasn't sure what he was trying to say, trying to deny what he felt or maybe even agreeing with his son that he didn't know what day it was. Didn't understand what the big deal was.

"It's a year, today. And you're still making everything about you."

The realization put goosebumps on Rick's flesh, he'd somehow managed to forget. It was the one year anniversary's of Lori's death. He'd been dreading it since the day she died, but with everything happening in the past week, he'd somehow let is slip his mind. He'd always expected to be three sheets to the wind when it finally rolled around, but instead it was furthest thing from his mind for once, had been at least. The guilt he felt for not remembering wasn't as strong at the relief he felt. Relief that the day had come and he was still standing.

But clearly Carl hadn't forgotten, not that Rick would ever expect him or want him to. He realized, standing there while his son shot daggers at him with his eyes, that he'd been set up for failure since the sun rose on that day. No job was going to repair the pain that his son was surely feeling at remembering his mother's death. Add it in with all of Rick's failures, it was no wonder the boy was so angry.

"I'm sorry." Rick said, mainly for his son's benefit.

It wasn't that he didn't care, he did. But he'd spent a year caring too much about that one thing, it was nice to finally be able to set it aside.

"No, you aren't. You aren't sorry about mom. You aren't sorry about anything. The only thing you're sorry for is that I don't give a fuck that you got a job."

Rick recoiled at the words, shocked to his hear such grown up words come from his son.

"Watch your language." Rick yelled, just needing something to yell, anyway to relieve the tension that was building.

"Since when did you care about anything I do? You only care about yourself. It doesn't matter how many jobs you get, how sober you are, you're selfish. It won't fix anything. It won't bring mom back."

Carl's voice was getting louder with each word, and Rick stood there accepting each blow, feeling a sick type of satisfaction at finally clearing the air. His son needed to get his feelings out, had been bottling them up for too long. And even if it hurt Rick, it didn't matter. It'd eventually help Carl heal.

"I know it won't bring mom back. But I'm still here."

It was all Rick could think to say, the only thing he was sure of.

"I don't care. I'd rather have mom. She wouldn't have kicked you out and gotten you killed. And she wouldn't have forgotten she had a kid if it'd been you that died. You think I didn't know about that?"

The words hit Rick harder than a ton of bricks, hearing Carl blame him for Lori's death. It was the very same thing he'd done and knowing his son agreed made the guilt feel fresh, reopening wounds that had just started to heal.

He just stood there, could feel Beth and Carl staring at him, waiting for a response. One he didn't have.

"I could always hear you and her arguing. But you were always too self centered to realize it. The world doesn't revolve around you." Carl spoke, on the verge of tears as the last sentence left his lips.

Before Rick could say anything, even manage a clear thought, he watched his son stomp to his room like a child half his age. Like a kid that was tired of playing the part of an adult.

* * *

><p>Standing there for a moment, he just shuffled his feet. Not sure if he should chase after his son, or just collapse there on the spot. Collapsing seemed like the better option, the easier one. Taking the easy route again had never seemed more appealing, to do something for himself again. To just say screw it and throw in the towel. But he was too angry for that even. Angry at himself, at his son, angry at everything.<p>

"You should let him cool off for a bit." Beth spoke, still sitting in the floor with the controller in her hand.

Rick had honestly forgotten she was there after Carl's accusation. Turning his head in her direction, he could already knew what was going to happen. Almost like he had no control. His jaws immediately clenched, his teeth gritting together.

"Don't tell me what he needs." Rick snapped, relieved to have someone to yell at. Not caring that for once, maybe Beth didn't deserve to be on the receiving end.

"I'm just trying to help you."

Her voice was strong, her eyes full of understanding for once, her tone matter-of-fact.

Beth had never looked at Rick that way, like for once, maybe he was the victim too. It only antagonized him more. A sick part of him wanted an excuse to relieve his frustration on anyone, and her sympathy wasn't helping him justify the rage he felt towards her. Towards everything.

"Let him cool off." She finally said, standing up. "You both need to. He was like that all day, even with me. It's been building and picking at it right now won't help either of you."

He hated getting advice from her. The idea that this girl knew his son better than he did, at least in that moment. It only fueled him on, even though he had no good come back, shouting the first thing that came to mind.

"Why are you always here?"

It was supposed to be an accusation, one that came out rough, but as soon as it was out, Rick knew it was a genuine question. Beth was always at his house, almost like she had no other place to be. Or at least, no better place to be. She wasn't getting paid for all the extra hours she spent there, but yet, every night when he came home there she was without fail. Carl was a good kid, but any normal person would've found an excuse to leave on time, at least once. Or would've had plans that forced them to.

And whatever the answer was, it seemed to make Beth uncomfortable.

She stood there for a second, for once at a loss for words. Her eyes searching for an answer that she didn't even seem to know yet. Seeing her squirm under the weight of his words made Rick forget his anger for once, curiosity getting the best of him.

"I get it, it's time for me to go."

He picked up on it as he followed her into the kitchen, watching as she collected her bag and books from the table in a hurried rush. For once, she was the angry one, the one on the defensive. He'd had no idea such a simple question would get under her skin so badly, that she'd have no answer for it.

"Didn't realize it such a sensitive topic." He said sarcastically, almost getting off on the fact that for the first time, her own demons were upsetting her more than his.

Still she didn't reply. With her back still to him, she started walking towards the door, about to take the answer away with her.

"Figured someone like you would have better places to be." Rick yelled, purposely sounding snarky, purposely making himself the bad guy, not that it was hard.

It was the role they were both comfortable with him playing, the only sure way to get a reaction out of her, to give her a reason to direct her anger on to him. Rick knew that. For once, he was glad to take advantage of it. And sure enough, she stopped in her tracks, turning to face him, her lips drawn so tight across her face he thought she might actually cry.

"Someone like me?"

She was waiting on it, for the insults. He could tell it was what she'd come to expect from him. And it was easy to deliver, each word spoken with cruelty, coming out like the backhanded compliments that they were. Every bit of resentment he had towards her uttered in one sentence. Made his eyes meet hers before speaking to make sure she felt the full effect of each blow, releasing the anger he'd had built up all day.

"Surely even someone as ignorant and self righteous as you has somewhere else better to be. Don't you have a family? Friends? Hell, even a boyfriend. You're almost pretty, in a plain type of way."

He seen the tears forming in her eyes, but instead of leaving this time she stood there, taking each insult he had under his belt, saying nothing.

"But no. You're here. Because you have no one else."

If he hadn't have been able to see the truth of the words on her face, Rick might not have suddenly felt so guilty for pushing her too far. He'd expected to force an answer out of her, not to hit the nail right on the head. Because he was right. Could tell in the way her eyes continue to stare into his, naked and exposed.

It wasn't a good feeling. Even after all the things Rick had done. Tearing down this girl that had never deserved it, had only tried to help him with Carl, was probably one of the worst. And realizing she had no one else made it worse. Beth was just as lonely as Rick, for whatever reasons. It was probably the only thing they had in common, but it was something he understood well.

"Beth..."

But before he could complete the sentence, give her the apology she deserved, she opened the door and walked out. Without a single word, not even the typical argument he'd come to expect.


	5. Chapter 5

She needed to go. To actually put the car in drive and pull away, leaving Rick Grimes and everything he'd said behind. But the truth had hurt, only made worse by the fact that he'd been the one to say it. Out of everyone on the planet, he'd been the one to recognize the loneliness in her. And she was positive he'd only continue to throw it in her face. He was the last person she wanted to give ammunition to, because he'd use it. He already had.

So instead she just sat there behind the steering wheel, the car running, her seat belt already on, going nowhere. Her mind was too distracted to drive anywhere, and Rick was right. Beth didn't have anyone else to go home to. If his deserted driveway was just as welcoming as her empty apartment, what was the point in rushing?

It was hard to believe that for a moment, when Rick had first gotten home that night, she'd found herself enjoying watching him stand there with pride over his job. He'd looked good for once, healthy, maybe even handsome. Beth had found herself wanting to root for him, believing for a split second that maybe all hope wasn't lost. And as she'd sat witnessing Carl rip him to shreds, she'd been positive there'd never been a more pitiful sight. Even if Rick deserved his son's anger, it'd almost been too painful to watch happen. Especially since it was the very same moment he was beginning to feel good about himself.

But those emotions were gone now, easily disappearing after what he'd just done. She'd came too close to letting her guard down. In fact she was almost happy he'd done what he'd did. It prevented her from ever playing with fire, from ever opening herself up to the same disappointment that his own son and the entire town felt.

And just when she was feeling more clear headed, ready to finally head home, she seen the front door open and Rick come out. Watched as he made his way down the walk way and towards her car, his legs moving with purpose, an expression on his face she'd never seen, at least not directed towards her. Shame.

When he knocked on her window, staring in, Beth considered just reversing out of the drive way and leaving. But at the same time, she'd already let Rick know he'd gotten a rise out of her. To pull away angry would only be more proof. So instead, she took a deep breath and finally lowered it, still not being able to bring herself to meet his eyes.

"I didn't mean it."

His words came out quick, almost like it pained him to say them. Like saying sorry was too hard, so instead he was settling for simply trying to take them back.

Beth almost laughed in his face. He'd made her feel so small, and there he was. Only trying to soothe his own conscious, couldn't even give her an apology. Couldn't even man up for that much.

"You gonna quit?"

She could feel his eyes on her, almost like he was begging for her to glance his way. To reassure him. And if it hadn't been for the boy inside of his house that was already angry and upset, she would've continued to ignore the question, wouldn't have cared about his selfish desires.

"No." She answered, finally looking up at him, refusing to say anything more.

"Good."

Sadly that small word was the nicest thing he'd ever said to her. Still, she refused to warm to him at all. To give him even an inch, knowing he'd just take a mile. If he wanted forgiveness, he wasn't going to get it. Instead, she sat and waited for him to go on, like the conversation meant absolutely nothing to her, her eyebrows raised with impatience.

"I guess I should apologize." He finally said, realizing she wasn't going to carry the conversation for him. That he if planned on digging himself out of the hole he'd landed in, it was on him and only him.

And clearly it was like pulling teeth for this man to do anything nice, Beth thought to herself. She watched him stand there, struggling with the effort he was putting into it.

"I'm sorry that I was right."

It wasn't the apology she'd expected, or the one she'd wanted. Beth didn't want Rick's pity.

And before she could pull away or even respond, he reached out and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. The touch was softer than she'd ever thought him capable of, almost as though it was his way of showing her just how well he understood. Like he instinctively knew Beth needed it, missed the feeling of connecting with another person.

And even though it felt genuine, she stayed stiff, not wanting to trust her instincts. It wasn't until his fingers rested a beat too long on her skin that he got the message, that she didn't care. That it wasn't enough to fix what he'd done.

"Sorry."

She wasn't sure if he was apologizing for the touch or for everything, and it was clear he wasn't certain either.

"I should've stopped when I realized I was right. Or maybe I shouldn't have started at all."

His voice was so sincere, she barely recognized it. Almost believed it. Almost wanted to believe it. To brush it all under the rug and go back to believing that the smiling man in the picture wasn't too far gone now. And almost like he was reading her mind, Rick give her a small grin, one that barely tugged at the corner of his lips. Like a little boy that knew he was in trouble.

But refusing to even give him an inch, Beth stayed silent, finally moving her hand to the put the car in gear, what she should'v done long before he had a chance to come out and attempt to wear her down. Before he actually did.

"We'll see you tomorrow?" He asked, getting the hint that she was ready to leave and he was the one being dismissed for once.

Finally she looked at him again, pretending like nothing he'd just done had moved in her any way. "Yeah. Tomorrow's Friday. I always come on week days."

"Still though, even if it wasn't. You could come by. If you wanted to." His eyes searched out hers with the statement, gave a small nod of his head to drive home this mutual understanding they were both now aware of.

Instead of using her vulnerabilities against her, Rick was simply offering a helping hand. And even if Beth didn't want to admit, even to herself, it was comforting to reach an understanding. To make this odd peace treaty. He was acknowledging the elephant in the room, allowing her to do the same.

Pressing her foot to the brake, she shifted the car into reverse, not saying anything. Not a yes, or a no. Not even a goodnight. Still, she hesitated, waiting for him to move, seeing if he had anything left to say.

But if he had any words left unsaid, he let them go. Instead just backed away, thumping the roof of her car a few times before she moved, almost like he was giving it the pat on the back he wanted to give her.

* * *

><p>Rick was wearing her down. Once she finally drove away and started heading home, Beth was sure of it. As sure as she was that the sky was blue. It seemed like every time he managed to push her away, he'd return and only pull her back in. The first night he'd been drunk, and the very next day he'd been cleaning. That was the first time he'd surprised her. The second time he'd told her to leave, he'd pushed the check across the table, once again putting himself back in her good graces. And now. Even after everything he'd said, just when she'd thought it'd been unforgivable, he'd somehow managed to do the impossible.<p>

Beth couldn't let it happen. Not again. Maybe he did always somehow find a way to save face, but she was tired of the cycle. How bad would the next terrible thing he did be? And what would it cost her the next time she excused it? This time it'd been her dignity, there wasn't much else left to lose.

No, there wasn't a chance in hell she'd ever take him up on that offer to stop by any time. Surely her life wasn't that bad that she had to accept help from him.

And with that thought in her mind, she did a quick u-turn, steering her car to the only bar in town she knew about instead of her empty apartment. Beth could find other places to be, other things to do. She could kill her time somewhere other than Rick's house. Hell, maybe she'd call Tara again.

And as she walked in and sat down at the bar looking around, Beth felt like the possibilities were endless. She could prove it to him and to herself just how little his offer meant, how she didn't need it at all.

"What ya drinkin', sweetie?"

Beth looked up the bartender and smiled. Glad to see it was a woman. Even if she looked like the type not to take any bullshit. Tall, lean, with long blonde hair and a name tag that read Andrea. Yes, Andrea would do perfectly, she knew. Better than any other dumb man she'd have to deal with all night.

"Jack and Coke."

The woman raised her eyebrows, clearly suspicious.

"Starting out strong, aren't we? You got your ID?"

Sliding her ID across the bar, Beth watched Andrea read it before handing it back and walking away to make her drink. It gave Beth's mind time to wander, to wonder if Rick had ever sat in that very spot and ordered a beer from the same bartender. She could almost imagine it. Rick sitting in the exact same bar stool, head down, sipping in silence and ignoring his fellow patrons.

And as soon she realized her mind had drifted to the one thing she was trying to forget, she pushed the thought of him away. Relieved to see Andrea back with her drink at the perfect time.

"You're new." Andrea said, setting the glass down in front of Beth, making a statement instead of asking a question.

Beth just nodded, taking a healthy swallow, enjoying the burn from the strong alcohol. Could almost already feel it numbing her brain. Or maybe she was just that desperate for it to.

"We don't get many young blonde strangers around here. What happened?"

The woman's perceptiveness was a bit disarming, allowing the truth to spill out of Beth's mouth before she could stop herself. The Jack probably had something to do with it too, she'd continued to chug it at an alarming rate.

"It was the first place I stopped that wasn't the one I was running away from."

"Fair enough." Andrea agreed.

Feeling the gaze of the other woman, Beth took another drink. Could tell she was thinking about something, but whatever it was it couldn't be nearly as bad as what Rick had said. Surely she wouldn't come up short for Andrea too.

"You got a job yet?"

The question threw Beth for a loop, had been the last thing she'd expected to hear. For a minute, she debated telling Andrea about tutoring Carl, but thought better of it. Everyone in town knew Carl and Rick. It was a can of worms she wasn't in the mood to open. Instead she just shook her head, confused.

"You looking?" Andrea asked, clearly ready to get down to business.

"You mean, like here?"

Beth couldn't quit hide her desperation. She'd expected to walk in a maybe meet a friendly face. Not find a job. But maybe she'd just killed two birds with one stone.

"Yes, like here." Andrea laughed, amused at Beth's eagerness. "Look, I just had two girls quit. You're young, pretty, friendly, people will like you. I can tell you. Plus you drink like a damn fish, so you'll fit in. You want it?"

"Do you always offer jobs to strangers?"

"No. But I can fire you later if I need. So how about it?"

Beth smiled from ear to ear, feeling optimistic for once.

"I'll take it."

"Good. You can start a few days. Drink away whatever troubles brought you in here tonight and come Monday. In the mean time, next one's on the house. Seeing as how you're part of the family now."

Feeling the most carefree she had in a long time, Beth used the opportunity to send Tara a text and told her about the new job. All the while, Andrea continued to bring her free drinks, the alcohol serving to make Beth more chatty in texts than she usually was, spent the next few hours staring at her phone, laughing at her friend's replies.

It felt good, to forget everything. So good that Beth didn't realize how drunk she'd gotten until she noticed a call coming in on her phone and it took her multiple tries to hit the right button on the touch screen

"Hey." She laughed into the phone, expecting to hear Tara on the other end, probably tired of texting.

"It's about damn time you answer."

And clearly, Beth realized, she'd drank so much she hadn't even realized it was her sister calling, the same sister she'd been avoiding for too long. In her drunken stupor she hadn't thought to check the caller ID, hadn't believed that her bad memories would be calling her.

"Sorry, I was busy." Beth spit out, trying not to slur her words, not wanting Maggie to know what she was up to.

"Look, we can talk about it later. I just had to tell you the good news..."

Beth was barely listening, holding the phone to her ear, looking at everyone around her. Wondering if they could tell how quickly her mood had shifted, feeling self conscious for the knot forming in her stomach.

Whenever she talked to Maggie, it was just a reminder of how far apart they'd drifted since their dad had died. Maggie's life was full now. A new husband, a new house. And Beth was sitting in a bar, eagerly accepting any job someone threw her way. Drunk out of her mind in a room full of strangers.

"Beth, did you hear me? I said I have good news. Really good news."

She could hear the happiness in her sister's voice, could tell that whatever bomb she was about to drop was only going to make her own situation seem even worse. That it was going to only highlight the differences in their lives even more, only going to drive them further away from each other.

"I'm pregnant." Maggie finally shouted into the phone and Beth could hear the smile on her face. Could imagine her sister's green eyes going big in excitement.

And whatever high Beth had been feeling was gone. The same alcohol that had fueled her excitement moments before was now only pushing her deeper into her sadness.

"That's great." She told her older sister, trying to sound like anything but the selfish person she was in that moment. Trying not to sound like Maggie's good news hadn't just made her feel worse.

But if Maggie noticed, she said nothing about it. Probably too excited, Beth figured.

"I know! It felt like me and Glenn were trying forever. And just when I felt like giving up, bam. There it was. I wanted to wait to tell anyone but I just couldn't..."

Beth sat, barely listening to her sister's excited rambling. She did pick up a few words though. Family. Mother. Excited. It was all she really needed to hear, more than she wanted to hear actually. It was awful, but eventually she couldn't take it anymore. As badly as she wanted to be happy for her sister, knew she deserved to hear it, Beth was too drunk and too upset to finish the conversation. To say the things to Maggie that wanted to hear. To be the sister she needed to be.

"Maggie, look, I can't talk. I'll call you back tomorrow, it's too loud in here."

And before her sister could object, Beth hit the end button and sat the phone down on the bar, right next to her empty glasses.

She knew she was too drunk to drive home. Also knew that home was the last place she wanted to be. It was so empty, just a reminder of what her sister's life wasn't. But Beth didn't want to stay at the bar either. Didn't want to sit in a room full of strangers that were all familiar with each other, with everyone except her. Not any longer than she had to at least.

At first she debated calling Tara. The girl would probably come get her, Beth knew that. They might not have been very close, but she highly doubted Tara was the type of person to leave her alone in a bar too drunk to drive home. But the truth was, the idea of pretending everything was okay didn't seem appealing either. Because if she called Tara, she would pretend everything was fine. Tara was nice, but she'd never understand just how alone Maggie's announcement had made Beth feel, how it could cause her to do something as selfish as hanging up on her newly pregnant sister. And even if she did, Beth wasn't in the mood to find out.

She just wanted someone who would understand. Someone who she didn't have to pretend in front of.

Picking her phone back up and hitting the contact that connected to the number she'd only ever called once, she pressed her head against the bar's edge and stared at her shoes, waiting for him to answer.

Finally, she heard his voice, rough from being woken up.

"Rick. It's Beth. Will you come get me?"

* * *

><p>He was standing her up. Beth was convinced of it. Andrea had left and been replaced by a less than friendly female, one that actually forced Beth to pay for her next drink, only after making sure she wasn't driving herself home. The other customers were starting to die out, and before Beth knew it, it was just her and a few strays. She'd always sworn she'd never drive drunk, but now she was beginning to realize why people attempted it. Rick was taking way too long for her liking, if he was even coming at all.<p>

She'd expected anger or annoyance when he'd answered her call, instead he'd just sounded amused. Had actually laughed into the phone when she'd told him where she was, too drunk to get home safely. Beth had assumed that Rick wouldn't miss a chance to remind her how the mighty had fallen, it'd been the only thing that gave her faith he'd show up.

But clearly his amusement had turned into something else. Beth knew he had a million reasons why he shouldn't pick her up. Not only was she asking him to walk into an establishment filled to the brim of the very substance he was trying to get away from, but it was late and he had to wake up early the next day for his first day of work. Add on top of that, Carl was at home, probably still angry, or maybe even asleep. For once, Rick had a million good reasons to blow her off. And she couldn't really blame him for changing his mind.

Just as she was about to stand up and leave, contemplating a very long walk, she felt a hand on her shoulder, steadying her back onto the barstool.

"Where you think you're going?"

She almost pulled away from the touch, until she realized it was Rick. Finally there, with a smile on his face, laughter in his voice.

When he leaned against the bar to face her, Beth expected to look up and see a condescending smile on his face. But there was no cruelty in his smile this time. It was a small grin, one that he was fighting off for her benefit.

"Took you long enough." She snapped, just because she could.

The words didn't make him angry though. He just cocked his head to side, still holding back the laughter. And if they'd been in any other situation, Beth might have enjoyed seeing the life in his eyes. Instead, she just questioned if she was so drunk it only appeared like the man in the picture had shown up instead of the Rick she knew.

"Wouldn't kill you to say thanks."

It was Beth's turn to laugh, and she took more joy in it than she should've. Even though Rick was just giving her a hard time, she couldn't believe that he'd have the balls to expect gratitude.

"How does it feel to know you'll never hear it?" She asked him, her words only trying to make him consider how'd he'd made her feel all those times he'd yelled when a thank you was really in order.

But instead of taking the bait or getting angry like he usually did when she challenged him, Rick leaned in, his mouth so close to her ear that it immediately made her remember all the times he'd been aggressive. Except this time, when he spoke there was nothing but calm understanding in his voice.

"How does it feel to forget to say it?"

When he pulled away, his eyes tried to meet hers, but Beth refused. Didn't want to admit that she had more in common with Rick than she ever wanted and that it hadn't been nearly as hard as she'd thought to sink to that level.

She felt Rick watching the effect it'd had on her, and instead of picking at an open wound, he let it go for once, his face growing serious.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

As much as Beth thought she didn't want his hands on her, she had to admit that it felt good when his palm landed on her lower back, guiding her towards the door, speaking a few friendly words to the people he knew on the way out. Maybe it was stupid, but she felt safe. At least, comforted. She knew when they got in the car, she wouldn't have to explain anything to him. Wouldn't have to fake a smile, fake anything. If she felt like being mad, he'd let her. Because whether she liked it or not, Rick understood whatever it was the moment called for. He'd been there many times himself.

And sure enough, once he finally helped in her the car and began driving, Beth found herself sitting in comfortable silence. Occasionally, she'd feel his gaze on on her skin, almost like he was just trying to check up on her. Which was probably for the best, she knew. He'd rolled a window down, letting the fresh air hit her in the face, but it was only serving to make her feel even more intoxicated. All the smells and sights going past her in a blur, not helping matters at all, until finally Beth looked down at her lap, immediately realizing something was forgotten.

"I forgot my bag." She told him, expecting him to pull over, to go back.

Instead Rick just kept driving, chuckling at her panic, his eyes fixed on the road.

"It's not funny, turn around."

"You're welcome" He finally turned to face her for a quick second, tossing the small purse that was sitting on his lap in her direction.

She stole a glance over at him and even in the dark she could tell he was still smiling. A real one, the one she'd thought her drunken mind had made up while they'd been at the bar. The one that highlighted every beautiful laugh line he'd acquired over the years, the one that completely changed his face into a little boy, making it impossible for Beth to tear her eyes away.

Even when she told herself that she was only feeling affection towards him because he'd just saved her ass in every way, even by remembering her bag, Beth knew it was a lie. But she could at least blame the alcohol, she figured. She could even blame it for the next words out of her mouth, her guilty confession.

"I could've called someone else. Or even a cab." She admitted, not quite sure why.

"But you didn't."

She shook her head, continuing to watch as he looked at the road, looking more capable than Beth had ever seen him. One strong arm resting on the console between them, the other lazily resting on top of the steering wheel, like he was barely putting any effort into at all. And she realized that for once, he wasn't. Rick wasn't going out of his way to be mean to her, to belittle her, to just be miserable. They were actually sitting comfortably in one another's presence, neither of them on edge.

"Should I feel honored or insulted?" He finally asked, looking over, caught her in the act of staring at him.

But if he minded the attention, he didn't react. Just waited on her answer.

"Probably both." She told him, immediately hiccuping afterwards. "Sorry."

He was fighting laughter again. Either at the state of her, or at her words. Beth figured it didn't really matter. She was happy to sit in the silence that followed, didn't even object when she realized Rick had driven to his own house instead of hers, that he was planning on her staying there for the night. Not that she really cared, it almost felt natural.


	6. Chapter 6

If the late night phone call, trip to the bar, and the constant hiccuping he'd listened to on the way home wasn't enough proof that Beth was plastered, watching her stumble out of his car and make her way towards his door definitely was. Rick recognized the sensation she was feeling. The one when you stood up and realized you were worse off than you'd just felt moments before sitting down. God knew he'd experienced it too many times to count. But Beth at least seemed entertained by it, even giggled when she tripped over her own feet, almost falling down. And he was happy to see her mood shifting from the angry drunk he'd found slumped into a barstool. No, a happy drunk Rick could handle with ease. Hell, if all people were happy drunks, he'd probably still be drinking.

Yes, her mood was definitely improving. Of course Rick couldn't help but wonder what had prompted it all. He wasn't quite self-centered enough to believe her downfall was purely all his doing. When she'd pulled away from the driveway, she wasn't exactly smiling but she'd calmed down. No, whatever had brought her to the point she'd been was something else, something he'd leave alone until she sobered up, knowing it was best not to make her crash again.

Grabbing the very same bag out of the passenger seat that she'd now officially forgotten twice, he followed her up the walk way, preparing himself to try and catch her in case she stumbled again. Luckily he never had to, both of them making it through the front door as Carol opened it, allowing them in.

"You okay?" The older woman asked, looking from Beth to Rick.

He wasn't sure if she was asking for him or Beth, so he just nodded, ushering Beth towards the kitchen, where he planned to force water and some food down her throat as he got the chance.

"Carl never woke up, I almost fell asleep myself." Carol told him. "You sure got this?"

Rick had been forced to go next door and wake up her up after Beth had called, wanting someone to keep an eye on Carl in his absence. It hadn't exactly been the reunion he'd been planning, but he was glad she'd been willing to help all the same. They had a lot of catching up to do, that was for sure. But before he could even say thanks, Beth answered Carol's question, her words coming out sloppy.

"He's got this." Beth told Carol in between her laugher. "Officer Friendly saved the day."

"Officer Friendly, huh?" Carol asked, looking to him with a grin and her eyebrows raised. "When did that happen?"

He felt himself blushing, and wasn't even sure why. Maybe simply because it'd been so long that anyone had used that nickname in any way other than a cruel reminder. Beth was joking, but he could tell a part of her meant it. And it was almost embarrassing how easily he'd fallen back into the role of the good guy.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it. Don't be afraid to come around again. Preferably in the daylight next time."

Rick just nodded, trying to hide his discomfort as Carol walked out the door, leaving him alone with Beth.

Even though he was exhausted, knew tomorrow was going to be a big day, Rick also knew he had to sober her up a little before they called it a night. If experience had taught him anything it was that going to bed drunk only made the hangover worse. And by the looks of it, her hangover was already going to be bad enough. Beth might've been standing in his kitchen now with a smile on her face but in the morning it'd be a totally different story.

And for once, instead of being the one to inflict pain on her, he wanted to be the one to prevent it.

It would never take back the things he'd said to her, it was too late for that. But he figured if maybe he could do the right thing for once, she could at least forgive him. And so far, he was quite proud of himself for how he'd handled it. Even when he'd shown up to see Beth in the exact same spot he was usually in, literally and figuratively, he hadn't rubbed salt in the open wound.

A small part of him had thought he'd enjoy seeing Beth asking for his help. And he'd had a bit of fun at her expense, but mainly he'd just been trying to keep the moment light. But the sick type of satisfaction he'd expected to get out of it never came. Once he'd actually found her at the bar, seen the state she was in, there had been nothing pleasurable about it. Hadn't even really felt sympathy, just understanding. He understood all too well. It was how he'd known to smile at her instead of asking too many questions, why he stayed silent when she needed, and how for once he'd been at ease in her presence. He'd been her in that moment many times.

The thought made him remember what he'd meant to do, finally grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and passing it to her.

"Drink this." He told her, actually standing in front of her as she leaned against the counter, making sure she followed the directions.

Which she did, hesitantly. Taking a few small sips at first until eventually the thirst took over and she'd finished most of the bottle.

"What next? Are you gonna make me eat too?"

There was no attitude in her tone, she was just entertained. Her eyes meeting his as he stood in front of her, a playfulness in her smile that was contagious.

"Maybe. What do you want?"

"Nothing you can cook, I don't do Hungry Man dinners." She tilted her head with the statement, clearly proud of her own sass.

Sass that Rick could easily give back to her.

"Screw you. I've been cooking since before you were born."

His response was meant to be rough but instead just made her laugh harder and almost instinctively, Rick felt himself press his hand softly against her face, holding a finger over her lips, worried that for once his house was lively enough to wake up his son.

The touch caught her off guard, both of them really, if he were being honest. She immediately stopped laughing, her eyes connecting with his, looking up at him the same way she had when they'd been driving home. Like her eyes had suddenly found something worth staring at. Rick had been aware of it even then, but it'd been easy to ignore in the car with so much space between them.

But this time he couldn't. Standing in the light with no console to separate their bodies, Rick felt Beth's eyes studying his features, finally coming to rest on his lips, could feel her examining his mouth moving when he finally spoke.

"Carl's asleep." He whispered, leaning in closer, even though he knew better.

He felt her head give a tiny nod in his hand and he promised himself if she'd just look away, then he would too. It'd been so long since Rick had even touched another person, even such a small embrace that he needed Beth to be the one to end it, was past the point of trusting himself. He even tried to convince himself it would've felt just as good to be standing there with anyone, that he was just that desperate for any type of connection. It wasn't because she was beautiful. Or the kindest person he'd met in a long time. That it had nothing to do with the look in her big blue eyes, how they were filled with same need he was suddenly feeling, one he'd been convinced died with Lori.

And not even when Rick moved his hand, trailing his thumb over her lips did she shift. Instead she did the exact opposite of what he wanted her to do, and pressed her mouth firmly against his thumb, kissing his rough skin, willingly opening her mouth to taste him when he dipped his finger between her lips.

Meeting her stare for her reaction, Rick found nothing there to make him to stop. No sign at all that Beth was uncomfortable with what was happening, her eyes meeting his, his thumb still lingering on her face, practically pleading with her eyes for him to continue.

But it was Beth that finally had to close the distance between them, tired of Rick's hesitation, pulling away from his hand only to connect her lips with his, finally allowing him to taste what he'd only just moments ago imagined. Her kiss was timid at first, just as soft as his fingers had been, until finally her hands came to rest on waist, pulling him closer, her tongue swiping against his lips, begging entrance before delving inside. Immediately Rick's body gave into the sensation, didn't even care who heard when he moaned into her mouth.

Beth tasted like his two favorite things - Jack Daniels and comfort. All wrapped up into one tiny little body that was pressed against his, filling his ears with the sounds of her muffled whimpers. The taste of alcohol on her breath was how he justified grasping her face with his hands, taking control with his hold, slowing their pace so he could kiss her deeply, his tongue savoring hers.

And it wasn't until Beth grabbed his belt loops, allowing Rick to grind his hips against her with force that he knew they had to stop. Even though her body was happily yielding to him, pushing back with equal strength, it didn't matter. If he didn't end it, something would happen that they'd both regret, something that never would've came close to happening if the girl standing in front of him wasn't intoxicated.

Finally, he tore his mouth away, gently grabbing her wrists and pulling them away too, trying to catch his breath, taking a small step back to put much needed distance between their bodies. He could only pray his body would quickly catch up with his brain, his hand running over his beard as he waited for the slow ache that had started to build in his stomach to fade before meeting her eyes.

"I know." She whispered before he had the chance to speak, regaining her composure quicker than he could, her eyes already full of regret. "I shouldn't have..."

Her voice trailed off, but Rick was quick to correct her.

"We shouldn't have." He finally managed to get out, leaning his body against the counter next to her's.

He wanted to put as much distance as he could between them, but was afraid of making her feel worse. Instead he settled for trying to look like he was in control, when he was really anything but. He could taste her on his lips, could still feel his blood pulsing too hard in his body.

It would've been easier than breathing to get angry as he stood there. To selfishly put the blame on Beth, to curse her for reawakening this side of him. He almost wanted to, it came natural after the past year, to lash out. And as much as Rick wanted to deny what had just happened, there was one thing he wanted more.

So instead of shutting down and trying to push Beth away, he stood there in silence with her. Not sure what to say, but willing to let her talk if she needed to. No matter what the words out of her mouth would be, Rick promised himself he wouldn't let her feel rejected. Even if it mean that she got to reject him first.

"Please tell me I didn't really just do that..."

She finally spoke, and he stole a glance over at her, couldn't fight back the smile when he seen the red blush that had taken over her cheeks.

"You just did that." He assured her, the relief flooding through him when he realized she wasn't angry.

Embarrassed, yes. But he couldn't blame her for that. Rick was pretty sure the shade of red on his face was only slightly less obvious.

"Sorry."

Rick shook his head, finally had the courage to look her in the eye. Still couldn't quite believe there was no anger there, no upset, no aversion at all.

"I'm sorry too." He finally told her, settling for an apology when really there were a million things he wanted to say to her, but he didn't know how. Or even where to start.

For a second he worried his admission of guilt would make her see clearly, that Beth would finally feel the animosity that he'd assumed she would. She may have been the one to kiss him, but he'd started it. And he was the sober one. And he was also the one who only hours before had made her cry.

Instead she just laughed, and even if it wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting, it music to his ears all the same. Calmed his nerves more than any beer ever had.

"What's funny?" He finally asked, feeling slightly self conscious as she stared at him and just giggled.

"Nothing."

"It's somethin'."

She shook her head again, finished off the last of her water before finally speaking, purposely making him wait, intentionally playing on his apprehension.

"It's nothing." She spoke, her face finally growing serious, before finishing.

"It's just that's the only time you've ever apologized to me. And it was the only time you really didn't need to..." her voice trailed, almost like her mind was replaying the same thing Rick's was, finally thinking it over with a satisfied smile.

Rick refused to believe for a second that this girl in front of him that he'd only ever hurt could possibly be saying what it seemed like she was, that maybe he wasn't the only one that had been left wanting more. And even if that was her intention, it didn't matter. Rick knew she was drunk, knew he had no business continuing the conversation. Anything she said could change in the morning and probably would.

"You should go take a shower, it'll make you feel better."

It was the only thing he could think to say, yet another dismissal. But this time he hoped she understood that it was merely a suggestion, not a command.

She caught on, gave him a small nod before finally looking away. And as soon as she was about to leave, Rick reached out and grabbed her arm, trying to test the waters. He wanted to see if she'd changed her mind yet like he expected her to. Was ready for her to scowl or pull away.

But the upset he was expecting still didn't come. Beth welcomed the contact. Her eyes questioning his, patiently waiting for him to go on.

"You can sleep in my room." He finally told her, trying to think of something to say so he had a good excuse for stopping her from leaving. "I gotta talk to Carl in the morning anyway, it might get loud."

She nodded, understanding, until finally he let her go.

"G'night, Rick."

He didn't move until she left the kitchen, didn't trust himself not to reach out for her again. It wasn't until he heard the familiar spray of the shower that he allowed his feet to lead him to couch where he collapsed, not even bothering to kick off his boots, barely remembering to set the alarm on his phone.

It'd been a long day, an even longer night, and still he had tomorrow to look forward to. First a talk with Carl, one that would take every bit of effort Rick had, and then immediately followed by his first day of work in almost a year. Any other time, he'd be thinking how easy it would be to drink the unease away. But instead Rick's mind went to something entirely different.

Instead of a cold beer to relax him, a warm body came to mind.

* * *

><p>It was only a few hours later when Rick's alarm went off and his stomach was almost immediately in knots. The day in front of him seemed almost insurmountable and it was only made worse by the lack of sleep. But instead of burying his face in his arm and going back to sleep, he finally pulled himself off the couch and decided to hit the ground running.<p>

He'd purposely gotten up early so he'd have time to get back in a familiar routine, a routine he hadn't had in almost a year. But it felt good to fall back into it, the comfort of it helping to ease his fears as he got ready. The memories of what had happened with Beth the night before also playing a role in losing himself in his thoughts while he got ready.

Even as he stood in front of the mirror trimming his beard, his mind drifted to the girl a few rooms over sleeping in his bed. He still wasn't exactly sure where he stood with her now, where he wanted to stand. It'd be easy to go back to how things had been between them. For him to get off work, drive her home in stoney silence and forget anything had ever happened. But Rick knew that desire only stemmed from fear.

Fear that she'd wake up angry and beat him to the punch. Fear that he was going to screw up a good thing for Carl. Fear that maybe he didn't regret that kiss, fear that it might happen again.

Rick hadn't expected to find a friend in Beth. More importantly, he hadn't expected Beth to befriend him. She could do better. But after what had happened, he was pretty sure they could at least call each other that. Friends. As unlikely a pairing as it was, it almost made perfect sense. There was an understanding between them now that Rick knew he didn't have with anyone else, wasn't even sure he'd want to have it with anyone else.

And he knew that was where it was best left.

Finally, he started preparing breakfast, forcefully pushing Beth out of his mind to concentrate on what he needed to say to Carl. It felt like a lifetime ago since they'd had their argument, but Rick knew it only felt that way to him after such a long night. When his son woke up, he'd still be angry, still be hurt and Rick had to fix it. Or at the very least try. Accepting failure wasn't really an option anymore.

But before Rick could even think about what he wanted to say, go over the words in his head, Carl woke up, coming into the kitchen fresh from sleep with his hair still sticking up at odd angles, a frown on his face.

"What's this?"

He was watching Rick finish the last of the meal, clearly unaware of everything that had occurred the night before while he slept, and still holding his grudge.

"Breakfast." Rick told him, sitting down a plate of eggs on the table, ready to dig in, to both the food and the conversation that needed to happen.

"You don't have time for this, you're gonna be late."

Rick smiled despite himself. Carl had nothing to say, so he'd thought of the only insult he could. Trying to remind his dad just how helpless he was.

"Believe it or not, son, I can manage my own time. But thanks for the concern."

Standing there, Carl just rolled his eyes, his stomach growling at just the perfect time.

"You gonna eat?" Rick asked, sitting down, trying to sound in control.

His son's anger had barely thawed overnight, something he'd hoping for. But Carl hadn't been distracted by Beth and his frustrations were much more ripe, and rightfully so.

But hunger finally won out and Carl sat down at the table, a scowl still on his face as he started picking at his food, still not saying a word.

Rick debated what to say next, how to handle the conversation. The truth was, Carl had grown up in the year that Rick had checked out. He deserved to be talk to in a way that was fitting of that change, it was only fair. If Rick had forced him to grow up, the he had to face the fact that he couldn't handle his son with kid gloves any longer. Carl deserved that much respect.

"I'm not sorry that I forgot what day yesterday was." Rick finally said, looking his son in the eye as he dropped the bomb. "You're not a little kid anymore, so I'm gonna tell you the truth."

If Carl had anything to say to the comment, he kept quiet. Instead he used to the frown on his face to make his response known, forcing Rick to continue.

"It felt good to forget. Maybe if I'd been open with you from the start, you'd understand that. I think you still do. How much it means not to get stuck on it anymore. But I am sorry that I wasn't there for you, that I didn't remember for you. I'm sorry we couldn't do something together, that it ate away at me so badly for so long that I have to be relieved that it slipped my mind. It never should've came to that."

The words still weren't having any effect, Carl just continued to eat, refusing to even look in Rick's direction any longer. Once again giving Rick no other option than to keep talking.

"I'm sorry you lost both of your parents. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it. And about the state of the house, and that you can't have friends, and that you can't go out in public without my shadow hanging over your head. But no one turns into a saint the day they become a parent. We screw up and our kids pay for it he hardest. I know that doesn't make it right, but it's a harsh reality you need to know. May as well apologize for that too."

Finally, Carl glanced up from his plate long enough to look at Rick. Still looking at his dad like he'd never seen someone more idiotic, but it was an improvement Rick told himself. Thinking he was stupid was better than wishing he was dead.

"Sorry doesn't fix it." Carl finally said, setting down his fork, finally joining the conversation.

"I know. But you still need to hear it and I owe it to you to say it. You don't even have to accept my apology."

Rick watched the realization hit his son, this statement letting Carl off the hook. Letting him know he didn't have to be the one to sacrifice anything for once if he didn't want to.

"You can be angry at me as long as you want, if that's what you need." Rick replied, knowing how true the words were. That he had to be willing to accept whatever Carl thought he deserved. "But I am trying. Might not always succeed, probably won't every time. But this mess is mine. I don't want it resting on your shoulders anymore. I won't let it."

He watched his son about to object, but Rick didn't give him the chance. At the end of the day, Carl was a good kid. And hearing he was officially free to be a kid didn't sit well, no matter how angry he was. But he was observant too, and for once quickly realized Rick wasn't taking no for an answer.

"I didn't mean what I said last night." He finally said, the words coming out more apologetic than Rick deserved.

"Yeah you did. And it's okay. It's was all true."

"Not the part about mom though. I was just trying-"

"To hurt me as bad as I hurt you." Rick answered for him, knowing it was true.

"I know about her and Shane too."

Rick didn't like it, but he couldn't do anything about it. If they were going to have an open conversation, he had to be willing to talk about it all, to treat Carl like the young man he was becoming.

"Well, I'll apologize on her behalf too. She isn't here to defend herself. I can't be mad at her after everything I've managed to screw up."

"But I'm still mad at her."

"Don't be." Rick told him, realizing he wasn't mad at Lori anymore either. "She had her reasons. Marriage is hard, and maybe I had something to do with it. But you didn't. She loved you. I love you."

Carl just nodded and as desperately Rick wanted to hear the words spoken back, he knew he'd have to wait until his son was comfortable saying them again. One conversation wasn't going to clear the air, that it was just the beginning of an uphill battle.

"You're gonna be late for school."

It was probably the first time in a year that Rick had ever concerned himself with Carl's well being. Even if it was something as simple as being late for school, they both realized the weight of what had just happened. He'd fallen back into the role of being Carl's father with only a few words.

But Carl didn't object. He actually smiled before he took his exit, stole an extra piece of toast of his plate before leaving to the table to get dressed.

Rick waited until his son was officially out the house before he grabbed a bottle water and his trusty bottle of aspirin and headed towards his bedroom. He knew Carl would probably figure out that Beth had slept over, but it wasn't something he'd wanted to handle first thing in the morning. A part of him even took a small bit of satisfaction out of knowing Beth would have to be the one to explain it to his son when he got home from school and found her there. That for once, Rick wasn't the one that had screwed up.

Gently pushing the door open so as not wake her, Rick quietly walked towards the night stand and set down the bottle of water and pills, knew she'd be thankful for it when she woke up. Whenever that would be.

He tried not to allow his eyes wander over to her sleeping figure, tangled up under his covers, but it was impossible, they were just naturally drawn there. She was going to feel awful when she woke up, he knew that. But for the moment she looked peaceful, her blonde hair splayed across his pillow, her eyes closed, blissfully unaware that Rick stood over her.

And even if a small part of him wanted to lean in and kiss her forehead, he resisted the urge. Instead, he grabbed his wallet and keys from the very same night stand and quietly took his exit, a small smile playing on his lips when he shut the door behind himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Beth didn't want to open her eyes. Her head was pounding, her throat was dry, and laying there doing nothing seemed far more appealing than trying to function through the day. The bed she was in may not have been her own but it was every bit as inviting, if not more so. It didn't help that the sheets smelled like him. A perfect mixture of Irish Spring and Old Spice, a scent that immediately made her mind forget the pain she was in and drift to the night before in a sleepy haze, lingering on the moment when Rick had pressed her against the counter, his mouth expertly moving against her own.

It was the very same memory that made her eyes snap open once she was fully awake, feeling almost embarrassed that she'd been playing it over in her mind.

A small part of her had expected Rick to change his mind. To wake her up in the middle of the night, tell her to leave, and take back every kind thing he'd done. It would have been almost easier to accept that than to accept that she was currently between his sheets, with almost every one of her senses being consumed with him. Her mind recalling his soft lips, inhaling his scent, her ears even absorbing the same sounds Rick's did every morning like the hum of his fridge and the familiar chirp of a smoke detector that needed a new battery.

It was the type of thing she was sure Rick would usually shy away from. Domestic familiarity.

But if Beth needed any more proof that he wasn't holding anything against her, she had to look no further than the water and bottle of aspirin left on the night stand. It certainly hadn't been there the night before. No, Rick had to have left it there earlier, a small act that spoke volumes.

And after downing the entire bottle and popping two pills, Beth let her eyes look around the room, taking in the details she hadn't been able to previously. She knew this was the bedroom he'd once shared with his wife, but any signs of a woman ever having slept there were completely gone. No decorative pillows, no framed pictures on the walls, nothing. The room was very much that of a bachelor. Completely empty of any keepsakes, nothing on the dresser except a watch and a bunch of spare change.

She couldn't help but wonder if there'd ever been a woman there since Lori. It wasn't any of her business, but she couldn't stop her brain from going there. It was the very thought that made Beth do something she had no right doing, finally reaching over and opening the drawer of his night stand, just to see what secrets it held. Nyquil. Tums. A few pens. More spare change. Even a pair of reading glasses that she tried to imagine him wearing, wondering what he read when he put them on.

Finally, she slammed it shut a little too forcefully, officially ashamed for snooping. What had she expected to find? An open box of condoms? Just the thought made her cheeks flush, her brain quickly recalling his body pressed against hers. But if Rick had recently had any other women pulling on his belt loops, there certainly wasn't any evidence of it.

It probably explained the intensity when she thought about it. Maybe his hands on her face had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with the lack of female attention in his life.

And before Beth could debate why she even cared, her phone rang, making her jump.

She checked the caller ID this time, not surprised to see Maggie's name. It'd be easier to ignore her, Beth knew that. But at some point she had to talk to her sister, and why not do it in the very moment she desperately needed a distraction?

"I'm pissed at you."

It was the first thing out of Maggie's mouth as soon as she heard Beth pick up the call and Beth knew she deserved it.

"You could hear me fine last night, why'd you hang up?"

Beth couldn't think of a good response, other than the truth. And judging by how emotional Maggie already sounded, she wasn't sure she wanted to worry his sister with her problems.

"What's going on with you?" Maggie finally asked, exasperated. "You never answer my calls, you hang up on me when I tell you I'm pregnant, you sounded drunk last night."

"I was drunk last night."

It was all Beth could say for herself. A poor excuse if she'd ever heard one.

"You been getting drunk a lot?" Her older sister asked, concern in her voice.

"No. It was just a bad night, that's all."

She didn't want to worry Maggie, especially not now that she had a baby on the way. But at some point, Beth knew she'd have to come clean. And before Maggie could reply, Beth went on, hoping to ease her sister's mind a little.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night, Maggie. I really am happy you're pregnant. But last night was just a bad time. Every day has been a bad time."

"I know you've had a hard time since daddy..."

Beth smiled despite herself, glad for once that Maggie was finally acknowledging what Beth had been going through. That she was saying something other than telling Beth to move on.

"And I'm sorry I got caught up in Glenn."

It was an apology Beth hadn't even realized she needed to hear until Maggie said it. It was true. After their dad had died, Maggie had simply moved on with Glenn. Not that Beth blamed her. It was natural. It still hadn't made it hurt less to be left in the dust though. But the blame didn't rest entirely on Maggie's shoulders either. Beth knew her own avoidance had only made everything that much worse.

"It's okay." Beth told her sister, meaning it. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you congratulations. And that I didn't jump up and down with you when you called. I really am excited."

"Well, you had a hell of a way showing it."

She could tell her sister's anger was slowly starting to fade. They just couldn't stay mad at each other for long, it was how it'd always been. Even with the distance that had spanned between them recently, it was easy to fall into their familiar rhythm. Apologies weren't even necessary. Just acknowledgment, and then both of them could quickly move on.

"I know. I'm sorry. I was drowning in self pity, okay? I promise I'll answer you from now on."

"You better." Maggie said, letting the topic go after that. "So tell me what you've been doing. It's gotta be a hell of a lot more interesting than married life."

"I got a job." Beth suddenly remembered, hoping the offer still stood after she'd had to have Rick escort her out. "Well, I think anyway."

"You're just now getting a job? What about friends? Please tell me you have friends." Her older sister pleaded.

Beth looked around the room again before answering. Her eyes coming to rest on the empty bottle of water and the aspirin.

"Yeah, I have friends."

Even if the kiss shouldn't have happened, Beth knew she could consider Rick a friend. That the previous night hadn't been all bad.

"Any...guy friends?" Maggie asked, and Beth could practically hear his sister's eyebrows comically wiggling, desperate for details.

"There is one man. Yes."

"A man?! You're moving on to the big leagues, huh? No more college boys..."

"It's not like that." Beth said, cutting her sister off before she could even begin to the get wrong impression. "He's a friend. Barely that. But that's it."

The statement was partly for her own benefit. Beth was trying to talk some sense into herself, trying to make the events of the night before fade as quickly as they could.

"Sure he is. Keep telling yourself that. You wouldn't even have mentioned it if there was nothing go on."

"There really is nothing going on, Maggie. You asked if I had male friends. I do. The end."

Beth could feel herself getting defensive and judging by Maggie's laughing on the other end, she was also aware of it.

"Well, maybe it wouldn't kill you to be more than friends. A little lovin' is good for the soul. I'm just saying..."

"Alright, Maggie. I'm done. I'm hanging up now."

She didn't really hang up, but welcomed the topic change when Maggie started going on about birth plans and baby names. Eagerly participated in fact, happy to distract herself from the topic of Rick.

And it wasn't until they made promises to talk more and really hung up that Beth let her mind wander back to him. Not that it was hard when she was still tangled up in his bed.

Had she mentioned Rick on purpose? Had a secret part of her wanted to discuss that kiss? She refused to believe it. To think for even a second that she could be feeling that way towards a man that was probably feeling the exact opposite about that kiss than she was.

Finally getting up and stretching her legs, ignoring the pounding in her head, Beth decided it'd just been a case of wearing beer goggles. Whatever lingering feelings she had were all because she'd been drunk when it happened, the alcohol was surely to blame for the fondness of the memory.

* * *

><p>And as luck would have it, Beth had slept so late that it was easy to push away thoughts of Rick as she rushed to freshen up before Carl got home. After a few bites to eat, more water, and a long hot shower, she'd glanced at the clock only to realize the boy was due home any minute.<p>

Usually Beth didn't show up until Carl was already home, and he most certainly had never found her inside the house before him. She wasn't sure how he was going to react, or even if he'd already been told by Rick that she'd be there. It was doubtful. They'd had more important things to talk about, a talk that Beth could only hope had went well. The last thing Beth wanted was to make Carl uncomfortable with her being there while he was also struggling with everything else.

But she didn't have much time to stress. As soon as she got out the of shower, a desperate attempt to get her body moving, he walked through the front door, surprise on his face when he seen her standing at the kitchen table, her hair still wrapped in a towel around her head.

Before she could decide if she should just act natural or acknowledge the oddity of the situation, he spoke, coming into the kitchen and dropping his back pack on the table.

"When'd you get here?"

It was then Beth realized it was only her guilty conscious that made her assume Carl would be put off by her being there. He looked confused, sure. But it definitely wasn't the expression of a kid that knew his tutor had put he moves on his dad the night before.

"I actually stayed the night." She told him, her relief helping a lie to quickly form on her lips. "I had car trouble last night, your dad picked me up. He's gotta drive me back to my car later."

Any lingering worries she had proved useless. Carl easily accepted the answer, his eyes proving his blissful ignorance. Beth almost felt guilty for the fib, her and Carl were close, but there were just some things he was better off not knowing. And last night was definitely one of those things.

"I talked to him this morning." He finally told her, sitting down at the table, making Beth realize one of the reasons he wasn't suspicious of her presence was because he had other things on his mind. More important things.

"How'd it go?"

She sat down at the table across from him, finally letting her hair down and combing it with her fingers while he talked, relieved for the subject change.

"I don't know." He answered, shrugging his shoulders. "It just seems too good to be true."

Beth nodded, understanding the worry. Rick had already put Carl through so much, she imagined it'd be hard to just wake up one day have Rick back on his feet. Hell, even she had expected Rick to wake up angry after what had happened. It only made sense for Carl to fear getting his hopes up.

"I don't know if I trust him." Carl finally admitted, staring down at the table like he was ashamed of the confession.

Beth understood that concern too.

"Do you want to trust him?"

She wasn't just asking for Carl, she knew that. It was a question she was asking herself too. And sadly, Beth already knew the answer. Maybe it was idiotic, but after everything thing that had happened she was certain she, at the very least, wanted to have faith in Rick. And at the very most? Well, that was a different thought for a different day.

"Of course I do, he's my dad. But that doesn't mean I can."

"Carl, I can't tell you how to feel. Trust your gut. No one expects you to forget over night. But it's okay if you want to try. Because you're right, he is your dad. Sometimes people you love are worth seconds chances."

"What about third, forth, and fifth ones?"

She took the time to consider the question. Wasn't it the age old dilemma? When to give up on someone. How to know when enough was enough. And there simply was no good answer. Sometimes people eventually got it right and sometimes they never did.

"I don't know." She answered, coming clean. "Only you can decide that. But if I had to guess, I'd say you already know."

"Do you think he's really gonna stick to it?"

Beth just shrugged, meeting Carl eyes, not wanting to lie to him. She still couldn't believe he was only thirteen and already capable of such a conversation. The kid had heart. Rick might've screwed up a lot recently, but Carl was walking proof that at some point him and his wife had done one hell of a job with their son. It gave her hope that eventually they could sort it all out again.

"I don't know that either. But I do think he's trying."

"I guess. He did help you last night, and I thought he hated you."

It was terrible but they both laughed at the truth of the statement. Rick had treated Beth so horribly that his own son wasn't convinced of how far he'd come until realizing he'd helped her. It was proof that Beth was insane for wanting to trust him. For being willing to brush it all under the rug.

But she just couldn't find the anger anymore. It wasn't just the kiss. But also that touch that had followed, right before she'd left to go shower. It stood out in her mind almost as much. Rick had lingered. He'd allowed himself to be vulnerable enough to linger. There'd been no good reason for it, he'd had no need to grab her in that moment. Except that he'd just wanted to.

Whatever walls he'd had up were down. And Beth was too damn interested to see what was behind them to stay upset. Even if curiosity did always kill the cat.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Beth wanted to blame her shock upon hearing Carl's question from being lost in her thoughts. But no, it would've surprised her no matter what she'd been thinking. It wasn't exactly the abrupt subject change she'd been expecting.

"Um, no." She answered, her brows crinkled in suspicion, finally looking at him.

He was watching her, almost like he'd just realized something. She had a feeling he'd been staring at her the entire time she'd been thinking of Rick. And as soon as Beth was starting to think a thirteen year old was going to ask her out and cringed at the thought, he made his point clear.

"My dad is going to start dating soon...he's doing everything else."

Still she stayed silent, not entirely sure where Carl was going with the conversation. It could only go one of two ways, and Beth wasn't sure she wanted it to go either way.

"You should get a boyfriend." He finally said, matter-of-fact. "Before he gets any ideas."

Beth just sat there, staring at Carl, knowing the expression on her face was probably one of shock. She wasn't sure if Carl was trying to protect Rick by the statement or her, but she had a suspicion it was the latter. His tone was one of concern. She didn't even want to begin to imagine what he'd say if he knew what had happened in that very room the night before.

But it was almost funny that he could read Rick so easily. She didn't know whether to laugh it off or assure him it would never happen. Instead, she settled for the only thing she could think of.

"I'll do my best."

It was a vague answer but it was all Beth had, and luckily it was enough for Carl to change the topic. To finally crack open a book, reminding her what she was supposed to be doing. That she was there to be tutoring the kid, not getting drunk and kissing the father.

* * *

><p>Just when Beth thought the day was finished throwing curve balls at her, it proved to have a few more up it's sleeve. As soon as her and Carl's hour of studying was up, she was fully expecting him to invite her to play a game with him. It was what they always did. He didn't even ask anymore, just assumed she would. They'd close their notebooks and just go into the living room without a word, it was what always happened.<p>

But of course it just had to go differently. And when Carl asked if he could invite a friend over to join him instead, Beth's mouth almost dropped. But she understood the weight of the moment, that Carl was taking a chance on Rick not to embarrass him, how big of a deal it was.

And it was how she tried to pretend it wasn't weird when a curly haired kid came over, pushing his glasses up his nose, taking her usual place. His name was Patrick and by the looks of it, Patrick had been there a time or two. Already knew where to find the cups when he poured himself a drink, asking Carl about Rick like he knew him. And as happy as she was for Carl to finally feel confident enough to bring a familiar face over and feel normal for once, Beth was also lost without something to occupy her mind.

The boys quickly got lost in their game and it left Beth with nothing else to do but wander the house, straightening a few things as she went. But Rick had been keeping up with the place and there just simply wasn't enough to do to stay busy. Finally, throwing in the towel, she went back to Rick's room in search of her phone that was still somewhere buried in the covers. Of course it had to be dead. It was just her luck. Finally finding a phone charger that was wedged between his night stand and bed frame, she plugged it in, resting against his pillows so she could charge and pass some time.

And it was easy to get consumed. Beth couldn't remember the last time she'd checked Facebook, sent anyone a message, or even tried to beat a level on Candy Crush. It was exactly the type of distraction she needed. A harmless one. Before she realized it, she'd gotten comfortable in Rick's bed yet again, finally giving into the urge to stretch her legs while she stared at the screen, laying down.

The time passed quicker than she realized and when she heard Rick clear his throat, she almost jumped up, not realizing it was time for him to get home.

Setting her phone down, she looked up at him, seen him watching her from his spot in the doorway. Beth had no idea how long he'd been there. She almost apologized for laying in his bed like she owned the place, but if the smile tugging on the corner of her lips told her anything it was that he didn't seem to mind.

"You comfortable?" He finally asked, still not coming in.

He looked tired but happy. His posture was weak, like spending all day on his feet for the first time in a year had taken it's toll. But his lazy blue eyes looked amused at least, even when she felt them give her body a once over, scanning from her legs to her face.

"I was bored." She finally admitted, smiling back at him. "I've been replaced."

"I see that. Can't say I'm sorry though."

The sentiment was easily understood. That it was nothing against her for once, Rick was just pleased that Carl had invited a friend over. And maybe if he wasn't bone tired, he might've said something more about it, but instead Beth just watched as he finally entered his bedroom, not even seeming to mind that she was there when he started kicking off his boots and getting comfortable.

Beth didn't even try to tear her eyes away. Watched as the shoes came off first, the belt, even as he started emptying his pockets on to the night stand beside her. It wasn't until he started unbuttoning his plaid shirt that she debated if she should look away. But if Rick minded an audience, he wasn't showing it. Or maybe he was just too tired to care.

"You feelin' better?" Rick asked as he unbuttoned the last button, easing himself out of the shirt like it pained him to do so.

Beth used the question as an excuse to justify her staring at his bare chest. To absorb every detail of his body that she could. His hard chest, the thin narrow hips, even the chest hair that left a trail all the way down, past his jeans. Rick might have spent the last year abusing himself, but there was no wear and tear to be seen. Just a thin frame that was lean in all the right places, but not overly so.

Finally she remembered it was her turn to speak when he looked over at her, raising an eyebrow, once again catching her in the act.

"Yeah, I feel better. Thanks for the water this morning."

She said it just to see how he'd react. If he'd own up to the good deed or use it as an excuse to remind her of how she'd fucked up. But if there was any lingering awkwardness or resentment about everything, Rick had clearly moved past it if he'd ever felt it all. Instead he just nodded his head and to Beth's surprise, sat down on the edge of the mattress next to her, his body almost sagging in relief at finally getting off his feet.

"Rough first day?"

She asked just to distract herself. To stop her eyes from staring at his back that faced her, mentally forcing her mind not to try and take a mental note of his each freckle on his skin.

"Somethin' like that. Didn't help that someone kept me up all night."

It was said with humor and if Beth needed anymore proof that the previous night had been a turning point, the laugh that followed was all she needed. The relief that flooded through her was how she justified finally allowing herself to reach out and touch him, reaching up to place a hand on his shoulder, slowing beginning to rub and squeeze the tension away.

She felt his whole body practically sigh to the touch, easily giving in to the massage. With his his elbows resting on his knees, he bent forward, allowing her better access as his head hung down, his eyes finally shutting as he relaxed.

"What is this job anyway?"

As her hand worked over his muscles, Beth realized she had no idea what exactly Rick had been doing all day. Flipping burgers? Bagging groceries? There hadn't been a chance to ask and now that he was finally willing to talk, she eagerly took advantage.

"The shooting range. I thought it'd work out okay because it was familiar."

She just nodded, even though he couldn't see her face, and let him keep talking at she ran her fingertips over his skin. Started at the top and slowly worked her way down, adding pressure to the hard spots, gently stroking the soft ones. The stress was already leaving his body, allowing him to greedily turn this way or that to guide her hand to where he wanted it the most.

"Pretty sure Abe just hired me so people could come in and gawk. To see if the rumors are true."

"Which rumors would that be?" She asked, raking her fingernails over his soft sides, felt the jolt when his stomach contracted at the sensation.

"That I actually crawled out of my hole and rejoined society." He finally answered, neither of them acknowledging the effect her touch was having.

"Well, give it a few days. They'll get bored eventually."

"I know."

After that neither of them spoke. Beth just laid there, losing herself in the act just as easily as Rick was. Her hand exploring his body, every inch of bare flesh under her fingers, getting just as much enjoyment out of it as he was. Even when her arm started to ache, she continued. And not just for Rick's sake, but for her own. She liked watching him give in to her touch, a satisfied smile growing on her face each time he'd let out a deep breath.

It wasn't until they heard Carl yelling from the next room that Beth jerked her hand away, almost like they'd been caught doing something they shouldn't. And she supposed, they had been. Carl's words were suddenly fresh in her memory, his discomfort at the idea of his dad going anywhere near her. And even though she already missed the feeling of Rick's warm flesh against her skin, she couldn't be too disappointed. Not when she imagined how Carl would've felt if he'd actually walked in on them instead.

"Dad?!"

Carl yelled it again, and Beth was almost relieved when Rick finally eased himself up to go see what his son wanted. And while she was happy it meant that Carl wouldn't come catch them, still, a selfish part of her yearned to have Rick's skin against her own again.


	8. Chapter 8

"Dad, can Patrick sleep over?"

Rick stood in his living room, still shirtless, trying to figure out what exactly his son was asking. Truth be told, his mind was elsewhere. Still in his bedroom, still with Beth's gentle hands that had given him the best back rub he'd had in a long time. Quite possibly, ever.

"Well, can he?"

"Can he what?"

He told himself not to feel too bad that he wasn't absorbing his son's words. That for once he had a reason just about any human being on the planet would understand. A long day followed by a soft touch that he'd been abruptly yanked away from. An unquenchable thirst was distracting him and it had nothing to do with alcohol.

"Can he sleep over?" Carl finally repeated, looking at Rick like he was an idiot. "His parents already said yes."

Rick didn't quite believe his ears. It was one thing to bring a friend over, especially when Beth was there working almost as a buffer. But to have one sleep over? That was different. It made his mind shift immediately to where it needed to be, to the two teenagers looking up at him, waiting on an answer.

"He can stay. You sure your mom already said yes?" Rick asked, looking towards Patrick, not quite believing someone trusted him with their kid.

"Yeah, Mr. Grimes. She said so long as it's okay with you."

It was very much okay with him. At one point Patrick had been a fixture in their house, coming and going as he pleased. Rick had never put much thought into why the kid had seemed to just vanish into thin air. And he supposed the why didn't matter anymore, just that he was back. Clearly Rick's hard work was finally beginning to pay off, even if only in nickels and dimes for now.

Between Beth warming up to him and this latest turn of events, Rick suddenly felt very light on his feet even though he'd been standing on them all day. So light in fact, that the next question out of his mouth didn't even seem forced, almost came natural.

"Ya'll wanna load up and get something to eat?" He asked, staring down at the teenagers in his living room, not quite believing he had just volunteered to do more socializing after a day of it that had exhausted him.

"What about Beth? Don't you have to take her back?"

His son's question caught him off guard for a minute. He'd completely forgotten that he was supposed to drive her back, had just assumed she'd tag along. As horrible of a thought as it was, Rick figured if Carl was bringing a friend then he could too. But when Rick answered he tried to make it look like he wasn't thrown off. Like he wasn't doing himself the favor by asking her to come.

"Be kinda rude not to invite her wouldn't it?"

Whatever Carl was looking for in Rick's response, Rick wasn't sure, the answer seemed to satisfy him. And Rick refused to even try and analyze why Carl seemed to be watching him so suspiciously. Maybe the kid thought he still hated her, Rick really had no clue. Nor did he allow himself to focus on it. He was hungry, feeling good for once, and if what was happening was a sign of anything, it was that eventually Carl would stop being suspicious of his intentions.

* * *

><p>It didn't take long for everyone to load up into his car and head out, including Beth. Rick hadn't been surprised when she'd accepted his offer of joining them for dinner. She was starting to become just as much of a fixture in their life as Patrick had once been. Rick still wanted to know why. Even as he drove down the road with two kids in the backseat, Beth in shot gun, his mind was still wondering how exactly Beth had seemingly just fallen into their laps and was quickly becoming comfortable there.<p>

Finally he decided it didn't much matter. Getting off work, being tired, having his son in the backseat and a woman sitting next to him felt a bit too good to wonder how it'd managed to occur. There was time for that later, he figured. For now, he was happy just to hear the kids arguing about where to eat, crank up the AC to beat the summer heat, and let Beth flip through radio stations while he tried not to stare at her legs in the tiny cut offs she was wearing.

They almost felt like a family. And as soon as Rick had the thought, he pushed it away. Ashamed for even admitting it. Beth was not Lori. Never would be and he thanked God for it. There was no going back to that family that he had, and it'd taken him a year to learn it. There was no way in hell he was going to get everything distorted now.

It wasn't until Patrick started suggesting the diner his sister worked at that Rick started really paying attention again, his ears picking up every bit of the conversation even if his eyes stayed on the road. Everything he'd just been trying to push from him mind suddenly being discussed.

"Which diner does your sister work at?" Beth asked, turning to face the boy in the backseat.

"The one on Parkway." Patrick answered.

Rick's eyes glanced over at Beth who was still looking towards the back, a realization dawning on her face.

"You're Tara's little brother, right? Carl Grimes best friend..." Her voice trailed off while Patrick just nodded in agreement. "I used to work there too."

It was weird hearing Beth mention anyone in their town with familiarity. It was once again another reminder that Rick knew very little about the girl sitting next to him. And it was why when Patrick started saying and asking things that were none of his business, Rick let him go on instead telling him not to be rude.

"Yeah, that's her. And you're the girl who got fired and was so desperate you agreed to tutor Carl." Patrick answered, not even seeming to notice how inappropriate what he'd just said was.

Rick almost laughed out loud. It at least explained how she'd ended up there. But still, why the hell was she staying?

"I didn't get fired." Beth corrected him, trying not to blush. "I was laid off."

She turned back around in her seat, her arms suddenly crossed defensively across her chest, clearly wishing she'd never said anything. And Rick actually wanted to pull the car over and thank Patrick for the next words out of his mouth, opening up a can of worms he'd been waiting for.

"Is it true your dad died and you blew through all the money he left you?"

Well, Rick almost thanked Patrick. If Beth hadn't looked so uncomfortable, not even shooting Rick the occasional glance, anyway. She was in the hot seat. Staring out straight ahead, lost in her thoughts.

"Yep, that's true." She finally admitted, her tone sounding utterly defeated.

The carefree mood inside the car was suddenly gone, almost just as quickly as it'd came, Patrick finally realizing that he'd said a bit too much. And just when Rick was about to turn the radio up even louder to block out the awkward silence, Carl finally spoke up, his question so full of concern that Rick knew Beth wouldn't ignore him. She had too much of a soft spot for the kid.

"Your dad died?"

It was like Carl was just realizing that he and Beth had something in common, a dead parent. A dead parent's absence that had clearly screwed them both up. And Rick could tell it had screwed Beth up. The way she refused to look at any of them, the way she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

When he reached out and placed a hand on her knee, he told himself it was purely for comfort. An old habit from being a cop that was too hard to break. He'd seen his fair share of suffering, had held enough grieving hands to fill a lifetime. But even if that instinct hadn't been inside of him, Rick knew he would've still done it all the same. Even when he met his sons eyes in the rearview he refused to pull away, his son watchful gaze taking note of the small exchange.

"Yeah, he died. About a year ago." Beth finally answered once Rick's hand had been there for a second, almost like it'd helped her to open up.

"Is that why you came here?" Carl asked from the backseat, and Rick happily allowed the conversation to take place without his two cents.

Beth would talk to Carl, even if she didn't want to. It was finally paying off that the two of them had become so close, all Rick had to do was sit back, drive, and get the answers to everything he'd wanted to know so long as his son kept asking the right questions.

"Kind of. We sold his farm. Our farm, I should say. Then my sister moved. So I did too."

"Yeah, but why here?"

"It wasn't there." Beth answered, being blunt.

"Didn't you have a job or anything though? Or school? How could you just up and leave?"

Rick glanced over at her one more time, gave her knee a reassuring squeeze. Trying to tell her thanks for humoring Carl, or better yet, for humoring him. She had to know how badly Rick wanted the answers too.

"No, no job. No school. I just wanted my family. And they were gone. So I left."

A shiver shot down Rick's spine so quickly he actually jerked the steering wheel into the other lane, barely missing the car that was next to him. The words had hit far too close to home for his liking, making him remember what he'd just been thinking only moments before. That they felt like some screwed up version of a family. But Rick wasn't looking for another family. Was Beth? Judging by the tranquil look on her face as she sat there remembering her own, it sure seemed that way. At least to Rick.

Having another woman sitting next to him, claiming she only wanted a family was like staring at Lori's ghost. Made him recall a time when Lori had been young, had thought a family was enough to satisfy her. No, Rick wasn't looking for another Lori. Beth wasn't Lori.

And Rick sure as hell wasn't Beth's daddy.

"Was your dad a horrible driver too?" Carl asked, trying to crack a joke at Rick's expense, trying to improve everyones spirits.

"No, he wasn't." Beth answered, still lost in her thoughts. "But..."

Her voiced trailed off, completely deep inside her mind. Like she was just realizing what she said next.

"He was a recovering alcoholic."

It was all Rick needed to hear. The words forcing him to jerk his hand away from her knee so suddenly that he had to recover quickly so as not to look awkward. Pretending he was changing radio stations, like the statement had meant nothing, he finally looked over at Beth. And she was clearly still so caught up in her memories that she hadn't noticed the sudden movement. But Rick had. And he refused to let himself forget.

The boys went back to arguing, Beth still distracted. It was only Rick alone with his thoughts as he drove the rest of the way, easily losing himself in them. How suddenly her attachment made sense and for all the wrong reasons. How stupid he felt for realizing that all this time he'd thought he was finally moving forward, when perhaps he'd really just been trying to go back.

* * *

><p>They ended up deciding on the diner that Beth had worked at and when Rick pulled up, his unease only continued to grow. It was the same place him and Shane used to stop at almost everyday for lunch, the place he came for his morning coffee all alone after his best friend died until eventually he'd quit his job and pretty much quit everything. He hadn't been back since, not physically anyway. But he was willing to bet a pretty penny that his name had been whispered around the place many times since he'd stopped showing up.<p>

But as soon as Patrick pushed the door open and they walked in to find it practically empty, Rick breathed a sigh of relief. The only other customers were one old couple and a single man at the bar, reading the paper and sipping coffee. Rick could handle that.

"What can I get you guys to drink?" The waitress asked as soon as they'd been seated.

Rick was trying to think about anything other than Beth's thigh pressed against his in the tiny booth, actually pushed himself closer to the edge to create a space between their bodies.

"Just water." He finally told the woman, scooting over even more while everyone else placed their orders.

Beth didn't seem to notice that he kept creating distance, her eyes were too busy scanning the room, probably looking for her friend.

"Tara working tonight?" She asked Patrick and he just shrugged.

"She's in the back, honey." The waitress answered. "You used to work here, right? Worked nights. I never seen you much."

"Yeah."

"Well hell, go on back there. She's doing the dishes. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

Rick got up allowing Beth to get out, a part of him wanting to follow her back just to see her interact with someone she knew, the other part almost happy that the distraction of her skin pressed against his was leaving.

"Can we go back there too? I'm her brother." Patrick asked, and to Rick's surprise the waitress just shrugged.

He watched the three of them walk away, left alone with nothing to do but fiddle with the menu, his appetite suddenly gone, his mind a million miles away.

Or actually, still back in the car where that conversation had taken place. God, he'd felt so damn good for a minute. But just a minute. He may have wanted to thank Patrick at first for his inquisition, but now Rick just wanted to take it back. To pretend everything was still good. To be ignorant to the fact that Beth was quite possibly just as lost as he'd been when they'd first met.

Sure he'd known the girl was lonely. But if he could, he'd go back to never knowing anything else. To never having to worry if she seen him and his son as a replacement to the family she'd lost. He wasn't even sure if she realized it, which actually made everything worse. Maybe she didn't see him as a father replacement, that kiss had been enough proof of that, but still as a family unit.

It may have been easier if she'd just had daddy issues, Rick figured. He knew he'd never see her as a daughter, that was for sure. It would've been easy to set it straight. But no, she'd kissed him like she'd meant it, stared at him and gave him back rubs. Now those were feelings Rick could easily reciprocate if he were being honest. And it was time to be honest. While she was back there talking to her friend and Rick was alone, he had to start admitting some cold hard truths to himself.

Like that kisses like that were only going to make them closer. That coming home to find her in his bed, her hands on his skin weren't going to help Beth at all. It was going to do the exact opposite. Pull her in deeper, distracting her from her own problems, allowing her to lose herself in his life. It couldn't happen.

And just when he was starting to feel marginally better after figuring out what he needed to do, the door to the diner opened and before Rick could even look up, he heard the familiar voice, practically recoiled at the sound of his nickname bouncing off the walls.

"Well, shit a brick and fuck me with it. Officer Friendly decides to grace us with his presence."

Finally, Rick looked up, already knew that it was Merle Dixon staring down at him with a shit eating grin on his face. He knew the voice anywhere, the tone, the vulgarity. He'd arrested the man so many times they almost felt like old pals, old pals that were one wrong word away from killing each other at least.

"To what do we owe this honor?" The other man asked, plopping down across from Rick in the very same spot Carl had sat only moments before.

Rick almost told him to get up, wasn't in the mood for the conversation that was about to take place. But he knew Merle well enough to know that the man wouldn't have moved anyway. He was the poster boy of rude and obnoxious behavior and clearly the past year hadn't changed a thing.

"I'm hungry." Rick answered, watching as the bastard took a sip out of Rick's cup of water that the waitress had just brought over.

"That sure doesn't taste like Jack Daniels." Merle told him, pushing the cup towards Rick. "Guess that means the rumors are true."

"What rumors would that be?"

Rick's patience were wearing thin quickly. He didn't really want to make a scene with the kids there. The only other option was to just sit there and let Merle talk until he finished. Eventually, he'd run out of witty comebacks. He always did. So instead of putting him in his place, Rick just stared, waiting to hear the same thing he'd heard all day.

"That Officer Friendly is all cleaned up. Got himself a job. Heard he's got a pretty little girl that he escorts out of bars too."

Rick's eyes instinctively flashed to the kitchen where Beth was, cringing at how quickly news could travel, still saying nothing.

"Now I'm just waitin' to hear you put that badge back on so we can go back to the good old days. I almost miss having your delicate hands rough me up everytime you arrested me."

"The good old days are gone, Merle."

He could feel his jaws clenching. The mention of how things used to be was the last thing he wanted to hear. How he used to be a cop. How he used to have a family. How Beth used to have one too.

"You know you miss it. They want you back, people already talkin' about it. Can't wait to see Officer Friendly back on these streets."

"There gonna be waiting a long time. Officer Friendly doesn't exist anymore." Rick replied, believing the words now more than ever. Knowing how important it was to face the facts.

He looked at Merle, stared him down, trying to make his point clear. But instead of continuing to harass Rick like the other man usually did, Merle actually looked serious, like he was about to offer some sage advice. Rick didn't even know the man was capable of any type of thought, almost couldn't wait to hear the bullshit that was about to come from his mouth. It would quite possibly be the worst advice he'd ever get and he needed a good laugh.

"No, he sure as hell doesn't exist anymore." Merle spoke and Rick could feel the man sizing him up. "But that ain't a bad thing. You're tougher now, make a helluva cop. Maybe you'd actually be able to pin something good on me this time around. Can't spend the rest of your life at the shootin' range. You like being in charge too much."

And before Rick could reply, Beth and the kids started coming back, Merle finally taking the hint and getting up.

"Think about it, Rick."

And Rick wasn't sure which part of the exchange he found more disturbing. That Merle had used his real name for once, that he was actually putting weight in the man's suggestion, or even better...the thumbs up Merle shot him as he walked away, his eyes watching Beth's backside before she sat down.

"Who was that?" She asked, clueless as to what Merle had just did behind her back.

"Nobody." Rick answered, shaking his head. "Just a man I can't wait to arrest."

He hadn't realized what he'd said until he felt the confused looks on everyone's faces staring up at him.

"I meant I can't wait for him to be arrested." Rick tried to recover. "Slip of tongue. Old habit."

They let it go easily enough, but Rick couldn't. Even while they ate and chatted, he stayed quiet, thinking about what Merle, of all people, had just said. The bastard might have been a dick, but he'd been around the block enough times to know what he was talking about. Had sat in the back of Rick's cruiser enough times to get a feel of him. And he'd been right about at least one thing. Rick couldn't spend the rest of his life at a shooting range. Hell, one day had been bad enough. It was just mindless work. Work that meant nothing.

He was thankful Abe had taken a chance on him, but Rick knew it wouldn't be enough.

And it was the very same thought that led him back to Beth, to the conversation he knew he had to have with her. And she had no idea, happily talking to the kids while they all ate burgers and fries. Rick was ready to move on, to stop living in the past. She wasn't. As much as he might want her to be, it just wasn't true. And he was only holding her back.

* * *

><p>When he pulled into the parking lot of the bar where her car was at, Rick purposely parked in the back. He wanted an excuse to get her alone, to do what needed to be done without the watchful eyes of the two teenagers in the backseat seeing what he was about to do. Used the excuse that he wanted to see her to safety, another lie that everyone easily accepted.<p>

"I'm surprised they didn't tow it." She said once they got to her car, a smile growing on her innocent face.

Rick forced himself to ignore it. To pretend that his body didn't want to automatically smile back.

"Yeah, Andrea's pretty understanding. She could've towed me a million times but never did."

Beth leaned against the door, hesitating. And Rick wasn't sure if it made was he about to say easier or harder. Easy because he wouldn't have to hold her back, harder because she clearly wanted his company for a few seconds longer. And it wasn't that he didn't want hers. He did. That was the problem.

"She offered me a job actually. Told me to come in on Monday."

It was surprising news, but it still didn't change anything. Not in Rick's mind. So she'd found a job. Beth needed to find a lot more than that. He knew all too well.

Beth was finally beginning to realize how cold he was being, how anxious. Fiddling with the belt loops on his hip, the place his Colt Python used to rest, he just shuffled his feet. Not quite finding the words he needed to say to get the ball rolling.

"Well, thanks for dinner I guess."

He could see the uncertainty in her eyes. The confusion. Wondering why he'd suddenly turned into ice again. Rick couldn't take it, knowing that she was doubting him again. But by the time he was done, she was going to be feeling a lot worse than that towards him.

"You're welcome." He finally answered, purposely softening his voice, trying to savor the last of a good thing.

Her face immediately warmed to his response, her confidence coming back, her gaze pulling him a step closer until he was standing right in front of her.

Rick had to know. Had to the use his last chance to see if he'd just imagined the way she'd kissed him. And maybe if he did it again, he'd realize there was nothing there and everything he was worried about needn't be stressed over at all. Maybe he wouldn't have to do what he was about to do. Maybe she really did only see him as a friend.

It was how he justified reaching out and grabbing her face at least. And when she softened to the touch, he should've stopped. It told him all he needed to know. But Rick had always been a little bit greedy, and finally he admitted that he just had to taste her one last time before saying goodbye.

"I'm starting to think you parked around back on purpose." She whispered, her face so close he could already feel her warm breath on his skin, smelling like the strawberry milk shake she'd had with dinner.

He watched her lips move as she spoke, a sly grin on her face, ignorant to deeper meaning behind his answer.

"I did."

And before he had time to feel bad for leading her on, he closed the distance, finally pressing his lips gently against hers, cautiously testing the waters.

There'd been no need for his hesitance he quickly realized, every fear being confirmed with the realization. Her hands on his face, pulling him closer, deeper. Rick wanted to relish in her soft lips pressed gently against his, to take his time moving tenderly, to memorize every last detail from the way she whimpered into his mouth all the way down to the feeling of her narrow hips between his hands.

It wasn't anything like the last time. It was worse. There was no alcohol to blame for how easily she yielded to his tongue dipping into her mouth, intertwining in a gentle caress. No Jack Daniels to point a finger at for when she pulled him closer, allowing him to pin her body against the car.

Beth's need was honest this time, something she was completely in control of.

It was the truth he'd been searching for, the reason he finally pulled away, trapping her between his arms as he rested his hands against the roof of the car.

And before he lost his nerve, before he went back on everything he'd just promised he was going to do, Rick spit the words out, turning his face away in hopes it'd make it easier.

"I don't think you should tutor Carl anymore."

When he heard the laugh, he almost slammed his hand down against the car, frustrated that she couldn't make this easy on him.

"It's okay. I'll still come. It's weird kissing someone that's technically on your payroll. I get it."

Rick just shook his head, finally manning up enough to look her in the eyes. His face was so close to her's that Beth misunderstood, reaching up to kiss his lips again, but Rick pulled away.

"No. I mean, I don't think you should come over anymore. At all."

He kept eye contact when he said it, seen the moment she realized he was serious. Watched her brow crinkle in frustration, her blue eyes trying to hid the fear she felt.

"You're serious?"

Rick just nodded, forgetting it was his job to explain it. Forgetting that he was the bad guy again. But when he see the anger on her kind face, he quickly remembered.

"Beth, we aren't your family."

"I never said you were." She snapped.

But Rick seen it was a lie. Beth looked exactly the same as she had when he'd sent her out of his house in tears, the first time he'd figured her out. Naked and exposed. Trying to be brave. He rubbed his beard trying to think of the right next words. Trying not to hurt her anymore than he already had.

"You're right, you didn't say it. But you don't need to. I shouldn't have let you spend so much time there. It's not your daddy's farm. Never will be. You can't get it back."

He reached to touch her, couldn't resist the urge to ease the sting of his words. But this time it was Beth that pulled away, refusing to give him an inch.

"You don't even know me." She whispered, looking so insecure that Rick knew he had to tread carefully.

"You're right, I don't. But I want to. And this? This isn't you. Trust me I know. I just dug myself out of the very same hole you're in right now. I want to know you, Beth. Not a girl that's living in the past."

"So you're better than me now? Because you've been sober for what? A whole week?"

Rick refused to rise to the bait. Didn't even really want to. Just knew that Beth wanted him to, to take the attention off of her.

"No, I don't. But you're better than this. You deserve more than this. And when you figure that you, come back. But not until then."

He was purposely being harsh, refusing to back down. Not just for her sake but for his own. Rick knew he was a few words away from apologizing, pulling the grieving girl in front of him into his arms, and begging for her forgiveness.

And once Beth realized he was serious, her face quickly changed. From anger to acceptance, knowing there was nothing she could to change it. Turning just as cold as Rick had just been, biting down on her lip that was beginning to tremble.

"What about Carl?" She asked, her voice quivering from the tears that were about to start.

"I'll figure it out." Rick assured her, believing his son would eventually understand. That he had to.

They both stood there for a moment, waiting on the other to speak. But Rick knew Beth didn't have any words left in her. Hell, he barely did.

"You'll thank me for it one day." He finally told her, giving her one last nod and forcing himself to turn around and walk away before his resolve cracked.


	9. Chapter 9

Even after seven months, Beth still didn't know what to say as she watched Rick walking away from her, his figure growing smaller and smaller until it was too late to speak at all. Every time she'd seen him around town since that night that he'd kissed her and ditched her, she almost always had to pinch her own skin, just to remind herself that they weren't standing in the parking lot of the bar anymore. Now it was the check out of the brightly lit grocery store with Tara standing next to her, Beth entering the line just as Rick had been walking away. She'd even heard that familiar voice wish the cashier a good afternoon before he disappeared. Every time Beth had stumbled across Rick in the last seven months, had stared at the back of his head, refusing to announce her presence, it still felt just like the last time. The time he'd walked away, when the sounds of his boots on the gravel had faded away before Beth had ever thought of what to say.

Thank you? Fuck you?

Both had felt appropriate that night, they still did. _Thanks for helping me find my way. Fuck you for kissing me first. Thanks for exposing the lie that I'd been telling myself. Fuck you for rejecting me afterwards. Thanks for telling me I could come back. Fuck you for thinking I'd want to._

Her feelings about that moment were one of the few things that still hadn't really changed since then, even if everything else about Beth's life felt different. And judging by the talk around town and the freshly shaven look Rick had been sporting, his life was changing too.

She'd barely recognized him at first, had did a double take at the sight of his baby smooth face, the clean cut hair. Only serving to make her believe the rumors being whispered were true, that he was going back to being a cop. And despite every confusing feeling she had towards Rick, Beth couldn't help but be happy for him. He deserved it. No matter what he'd done to her, no matter why, he'd worked his ass off since she'd last talked to him, that much was clear.

And as Tara glanced over a tabloid, Beth couldn't help but wonder for the umpteenth time what was going on inside the Grimes household these days. Sure, she'd seen Carl around town. And they talked like they always had, but only about each other. Carl never mentioned his dad and Beth didn't either. They stuck to the basics, his school, his friends, but never did either of them mention the elephant in the room, Rick. Beth could only guess what their relationship was like now, but she had a feeling it was going well. Carl always seemed happy, and while Beth hadn't spoken a word to Rick since that night, she didn't have to. The life was radiating out of him, the rumors going around town were always good, never once a mention that he'd fallen back into his old habits.

It was easy to allow herself to smile at the thought. Because she was happy too now. Even if every time she spotted him she temporarily got lost in the memories, they were getting easier to brush away. Her life was too full now to ever linger for too long.

"Earth to blondie. It's our turn."

Beth felt Tara poke her in the ribs, looked up and seen it was her turn to start loading their groceries up on the conveyor belt.

Well, maybe she did still linger on Rick. But the recovery afterwards was getting quicker.

"Sorry, got distracted. Did you see him?" Beth asked her friend, emptying the cart as they chatted.

"See who?"

As much as Rick's words had hurt her that night, Beth had forced herself to go home and just be alone. To let all the memories creep in, every fear she had. Eventually though she'd crawled out of her hole.

Tara had been the first person she'd really reached out to. The first person she'd told about Rick and everything that had happened. And now, she was still one of her most trusted friends. Beth never minded telling the other girl when she spotted him, how it still froze her feet in place.

"Rick. He just left."

"And?"

"And nothing."

"Exactly, nothing. Tell me when something interesting happens. When you stop hiding behind corners every time you see him."

Beth laughed, knowing just how stupid it was.

"Don't worry, I think he does it too." Tara told her when she seen Beth blush. "He has to. Think about how many stoplights you've stopped at with his car next to your's but you looked at your phone so you wouldn't have to make eye contact. Or how many restaurants you've turned around and left because you seen him sitting there? Do you honestly think he's never stumbled upon you either?"

Beth had never really thought about it like that. How many times had Rick stared at the back of her head? Did he struggle with what he wanted to say or was it easy to pretend she wasn't there?

"Doesn't matter." Beth told her friend, knowing it was true.

It really didn't matter, not anymore. Not when she had better things to do, more productive things to worry about.

She stared at the massive amount of junk food they'd somehow managed to grab, all for the night they had planned. One last Netflix binge as new roommates before Beth started school for the winter semester. And God was she ready, for both. The quality time with her friend and to get the ball rolling on her classes.

It was hard to believe how easily she'd stumbled into it. A few nights a week singing at the bar had somehow turned into guitar lessons for the patron's kids. And it'd been an easy transition to make after tutoring Carl, Beth never having realized she had what it took to teach until then.

But the idea came to her when she realized she was spending more time at certain children's houses. The sick ones, the depressed ones, the little girl with the freshly divorced parents, the children who she was helping with her music, not just teaching them chords and scales. Those were the days that felt best, that left Beth feeling like she'd accomplished something. When a boy that went from cutting his wrists to banging on the drum Beth had brought instead, she'd became intoxicated with music again. Practically drunk on watching how it could heal.

Music therapy. When she'd told Maggie about what classes she was registering for, her older sister had laughed and called it new age hippie bullshit. But she'd been happy for Beth all the same, glad she finally found something that lit a spark under her ass other than blowing through money.

"You still going to Andrea's tonight?" Tara asked as the cashier rang up their items, both girls keeping close track of the total. College wasn't cheap. Even if Beth did split her rent now.

"Of course, I'm going. Everyone's already made plans. One last hoorah and then I wish that hellhole goodbye."

"Hellhole? Please. You know you're gonna miss that job. We had fun there."

Beth knew Tara was right, they did have fun while she'd worked for Andrea. But with early morning classes, Beth couldn't tend bar and sing until two am anymore. Money would be tight, but she'd make it work. She knew that now. Plus, she was still giving guitar lessons, still had a little bit of cash saved from when she'd went through her apartment and sold every last pointless item she'd bought after her dad's death.

But still, she'd miss the late night chats with the customers, customers that had turned into friends. Some almost like family now. It was why she'd agreed to one last night there before her and Tara's binge, before hanging up her hat and moving on to greener pastures.

And after they'd paid for the items and stepped out into the cold, Beth had forgotten Rick again, until she seen his tail lights pulling out of the parking lot anyway. Still, it was progress. Eventually they'd cross paths, she knew that. Even if they didn't want to. But Beth was happy not to worry about what she'd say when that day came, instead just zipped up her jacket and pushed the shopping cart towards the car, ready to go home.

* * *

><p>After dropping off the groceries, they both took showers, got dressed, and left yet again. And when Beth walked through the door of the bar, she couldn't quite believe the amount of people that had shown up to see her. Sure, some of them were regular customers, but still, it warmed her to see how many friends she'd made since she'd first started.<p>

It was easy to pass the next few hours, talking and singing for everyone that was there. Even when people finally started wishing her congratulations on starting school and heading out, Beth was still grinning from ear to ear. Her throat tired from belting it out, her face sore from laughing. She was gonna miss the place, but she knew it was okay. She could always stop by on occasion, say hello to everyone. It wasn't like she was packing up and running away.

And with the buzz of excitement in the air, it was easy not to flinch when Andrea mentioned his name. Rick.

Beth was standing behind the bar with her back to the other woman while they both cleaned up, didn't even bother to pretend her head hadn't snapped around at the mention of him. She could handle it, she told herself. Rick couldn't get under her skin forever. That night had been proof. She had an entire community surrounding her, what was one man?

"I'm surprised to see you in such good spirits, not after what happened at Rick's."

At first Beth misunderstood the Andrea's sentence, thought she was bringing up the past. Andrea knew all about what had conspired between the two of them too, the details had slowly revealed themselves as the two women had spent the last seven months working together.

"You really think I'm still hung up on that?" Beth asked, a little confused as to why Andrea would be bringing it up then.

"No, I meant after what happened at Rick's house today. Didn't you hear?"

"Hear what?"

Beth felt her stomach drop, not liking the nagging feeling that was suddenly eating away at her. What could have possibly happened at Rick's house that Andrea would think mattered to her? It had to be important for her to just bring it up, to be looking at Beth with those concerned eyes.

"No, I guess you didn't hear." Andrea replied, and Beth watched Andrea's expression change. How she suddenly realized she was gonna have to be the one to break the bad news, bad news Beth didn't want to hear.

"What is it?"

Beth's good mood was gone, every muscle in her body tensed, waiting on the bomb to drop. Andrea's stare wasn't making it easier, only making her heart pound harder.

"I don't know exactly. But I guess Rick had to call 911 for Carl, an ambulance took him to the hospital. Has to be pretty bad though for Rick to panic, don't you think? Cops and nurses are always the last to lose their cool."

"Why are you just now saying this?" Beth asked, not being able to hide the fear in her voice, couldn't fight the images that were starting to form in her mind.

"Beth, I thought you knew. Or else you wouldn't have been here. Thought maybe you talked to him."

Beth just shook her head, met the eyes of everyone staring at her with concern. Seen Tara nodding her head, already predicting what Beth was about to do, showing that she understood.

"I haven't talked to anyone."

She searched their faces, realized that no one had. That Carl was in the hospital and for once not damn person in town had found out what was going on through the grapevine.

"I gotta go." Beth whispered, already grabbing her bag and keys into her shaking hands.

It wasn't until she was in her car, speeding down the road that she realized she hadn't told anyone thanks for showing up before hauling ass. That she hadn't even stopped to question if she should even go to them. But it was Carl, Beth told herself. Even if she'd been avoiding Rick just hours before, she couldn't stand not knowing what had happened to his son.

* * *

><p>By the time she got to the hospital, Beth had completely forgotten to worry if she should've came. All that mattered was that she was there, parking her car in a hurry, walking inside faster than she'd known her legs could ever carry her. It didn't matter anymore that she had no idea what she'd say to Rick when she seen him, all that mattered was making sure the boy they both had in common was alright.<p>

"Carl Grimes." Beth told the receptionist in the ER when asked who she was visiting, not even trying to hide in the panic in her voice.

She wasn't sure what she expected, quite possibly for her worst fear to be confirmed. But instead the elderly woman just made her stand in front of camera, snapped a quick picture for her visitor's badge before handing the white sticker over.

"You're just in time sweetheart, I think they just brought him back into recovery."

Recovery from what? It was all Beth could think, but didn't ask, almost afraid of the answer. Instead she grabbed the badge from the woman, slapped it on her shirt and made her way towards the elevators without saying another word. It wasn't until the doors opened to the correct floor that Beth's mind started to calm down, realizing that if Carl was in recovery and the woman behind the front desk hadn't looked too concerned, then it couldn't be too bad, could it?

She took a deep breath as she approached the open door, still not sure what she'd see when she walked inside. Still not sure if her company would even be wanted. But it was too late to go back now she figured, finally taking a step and stopping in the doorway, taking in the details before announcing her presence.

Carl was asleep in a hospital bed, not a scratch on him and Beth sighed in relief at the sight. Whatever had happened surely couldn't have been too bad, she told herself. Or else there'd be more machines, a nurse hovering over him, something, anything to alert someone to the fact that the boy in the room wasn't going to be okay. But it was hard for her eyes to linger on Carl for too long, not when they landed on Rick at least. Sitting in the chair next to Carl's bed, his face resting on his hand, just staring at his son.

Beth couldn't speak, just froze in her place, letting her eyes drink him in from the plain white t-shirt, all the way down to the same pair of boots he'd been wearing the night he'd walked away. The clean shaven face was throwing her off a little, blamed the way it made him look so damn innocent for how quickly she was thawing to him. Or maybe because of the scare she'd just had, or both. Either way, as she stood there, afraid to say anything, Beth knew she wasn't angry anymore.

Finally he looked up, his eyes landing on her, and Beth wasn't sure what she expected but it wasn't the tired smile he gave her, or the sigh of relief she heard escape his lips.

She took a hesitant step over the threshold, surprised when she realized Rick was already meeting her half way, his arms wrapping tightly around her neck before she even got a word out, before he did either.

"What happened?" She asked, her fear suddenly back after realizing that his guard was completely down, made even more obvious by how tightly he was clinging to her, his head buried into her neck.

And even if Beth wanted to push him away, she couldn't. Instead, without even thinking she wrapped her arms just as firmly against him, felt his body practically sag into her arms.

"It was his appendix." He whispered into her neck. "I thought he just wasn't feeling good, went to the store to find something that would tempt him enough to finally eat. When I got home, he was worse. I..."

His voice trailed off and even though Beth knew he'd probably been scared over what had just happened, she felt better. Felt the relief flooding her body, bringing her back to reality and she pulled away from the embrace. An appendix she could deal with. Clearly, they'd gotten it out in time and more than likely, Carl would be just fine, back on his feet in no time. Scary to go through, yes. But in the long run, he'd be no worse for the wear.

"Hey, he's gonna be fine. Looks like the surgery must have went okay, right?" Beth asked, placing a hand on Rick's cheek, trying to soothe him even though she knew she owed him nothing.

"Yeah, now he's just out from the pain killers."

"And he's gonna be alright. Okay?"

She looked up at him, her hand still on his cheek, could tell that at some point he'd been crying. Not that she blamed him, she would've been too if she'd been there for all of it. And up close, it was easier to tell that he was still the same Rick despite the fact that he only had a touch of gray stubble starting to come in instead of a full beard. That the crinkles she'd always adored were still at the corner of his eyes, and when he finally smiled and nodded it still made him look like a little boy.

"I know."

"Well, still. A reminder won't hurt, will it?" She asked, smiling up at him, trying not to make him feel bad.

He just shook his head, finally pulling away from her touch. Like maybe he was finally feeling the same relief she was.

They both just stood there for a moment, staring at the boy in the bed that had led to such an unexpected reunion. And when Beth felt Rick reach out and give her hand a tight squeeze before letting go again, she couldn't lie. It'd felt good, she'd wanted nothing more than to intertwine her fingers in his and just hold on.

"Thanks for comin'."

His voice was still low, still tired, but Beth could tell he was regaining his senses. And it finally gave her the answer to what she'd been wondering just earlier in the day. That Rick also didn't know what to say to her, that he too felt just as conflicted as she did.

"Of course, I came. It's Carl. I would've showed up sooner if I'd known."

"I figured. You were busy, I know. Saying goodbye to everyone at the bar."

Her head turned around at his words, seen that the was looking at her, the first real smile she'd seen all night on his face.

"How'd you know about that?"

Rick looked her in the eyes with his next statement, coming clean once and for all.

"You really think I haven't kept track of you? It's easy in a small town."

Despite her misgivings, Beth smiled at his admission. Hadn't she been doing the same thing? Every time someone mentioned Rick's name, she'd always stop in her tracks, eavesdrop of the conversation. Even when she'd known better. And now Beth realized he'd been doing the same thing.

"Music therapy though?" He asked, revealing just how much he knew about her. "Sounds like hippie bullshit."

Beth laughed, reminded of her sister's same reaction, but let it roll off her shoulders. Wasn't this how they'd always been? The teasing felt good, and Beth knew Rick needed it. They were standing in his son's hospital room after all. She'd could give him a light moment if that was what he needed.

"Yeah well, no worse than crawling back to your old job, Officer Friendly."

"Fair enough. How'd' you know?"

"You aren't the only one keeping track of things around here."

It felt good to admit it to him, even if it did make her feel vulnerable. But after what had just happened with Carl, feeling vulnerable didn't look so scary in comparison. If anything it felt appropriate.

But his next statement was harder to stomach, made Beth shuffle her feet and refuse to look at him at first. Maybe because of what he'd just been through, he was tired of dancing around the issue, or maybe he really did just live to torture her. Either way, when he spoke his next words, she felt her breath catch in her throat, felt her heart pound a little harder.

"You never came back."

He didn't phrase it as a question, or even an accusation, just an open ended statement that she could've responded to a million different ways. She just wasn't sure which reply she should go with. Instead, settling on none of them, Beth just shook her head, could feel his blue eyes watching her.

It wasn't until he spoke again that she finally turned to face him, watched as he swallowed his pride with the next question out of his mouth.

"Will you stay? At least until he wakes up?"

She watched his eyes dart over to Carl, almost like he was afraid to connect them with hers. But when he finally did, Beth almost caved.

"Please?"

The words were so raw, his eyes looking at her with such hope that it took every bit of common sense she had not to blurt out a yes right away.

Even if she wanted to stay, she knew the time wasn't right. It'd been what Rick had asked for, right? For her to go find her own life? And she had. Now that Beth knew Carl was going to be okay, it seemed silly to ditch Tara, not when she'd been looking so forward to their plans just an hour before. Plus, she needed a clear head for her classes the next morning.

But she didn't tell him her reasons, nor did she tell him how tempted she was to stay anyway.

Instead she just shook her head at him again, watched his face fall at the answer.

"If I thought Carl wasn't going to be okay, I'd stay." She told him, figuring she could at least admit that much because it was true.

To her surprise, Rick accepted the answer easily enough, even if he was disappointed. Nodded his head in understanding. And maybe he did get it, Beth thought. Maybe he knew too that just because they'd both just been scared didn't mean that suddenly it made everything okay. And the fact that he could acknowledge that, gave Beth hope, allowing her be a little more kind than if he'd argued with her answer.

"Do you need anything though? I can bring you some clothes from your house. A book? Food?"

It was the same thing she'd offer to do for anyone else in the same situation, a simple act of human kindness to show that she wasn't completely angry with him.

"No it's okay, Carol's on her way here with everything."

Beth smiled, glad to hear that Rick had other people in his life too. Sure, she'd seen the proof around town when he was chatting up his friends. But it was nice to actually hear it come from his mouth.

"You're sure? There's nothing I can do?" She asked one more time, just wanting him to feel settled before she left.

"Let me apologize before you leave?"

It came out as barely a whisper, his eyes digging into hers, his hands fidgeting with his belt loops, a nervous habit she'd come to recognize.

Beth didn't have to ask what he meant, she could tell by looking at him. That he was talking about that night. That damn night she'd spent seven months trying to figure out.

"Not right now."

It was a can of worms she didn't want to open in a hospital room, not when she'd finally talked herself out of leaving.

"I can go get you a cup of coffee though, if you want." She offered instead, desperately trying to comfort him without giving too much of herself away in the process. "You look like shit. Perk up a little before Carl wakes up?"

Finally he nodded, realizing it was all he was going to get out of her. A cup of coffee. And he deserved at least that much.

Just as she turned away to go find some, he asked one more question, one that she pretended she didn't hear.

"When then?"

But her back was already to him, her feet already leading her out of the room. He didn't get to see the smile on her face, didn't know she was wondering if he was ever going to give up, or that she was realizing maybe she didn't want him to.

And it took forever to hunt down a cup of hot coffee. By the time Beth returned, she couldn't tell him the answer she'd finally decided on.

Rick was asleep, passed out in the chair next to Carl's bed, breathing in sync with his son. Beth stood there for a minute, staring down at him, the cup of coffee still in her hand. It wasn't until she grabbed an extra blanket that some kind nurse had brought in and covered Rick with it that she knew what she was going to do. Almost rolled her eyes at just how cheesy it was.

Grabbing a pen out of her purse, she wrote four letters on the styrofoam cup before sitting it down on the table by Rick's chair, positive he'd eventually see it, before finally taking her leave.

_Soon._


	10. Chapter 10

"What does _soon_ mean?"

Rick watched Abraham's brow furrow at the question, could tell the other man was clearly thinking he was an idiot.

"You drinking again?" Abe asked with a loud laugh. "Here, I'll Google it for you."

He made a show out of pulling out his phone and Rick let him, quite amused if he were being honest. Rick knew damn well what soon meant. He just wanted to know what Beth had meant by it, had wanted Abraham's opinion without having to give all the details away.

"_Soon - promptly or quickly, before long, in the near future, within a short period of time._ There. Does that help at all?" Abe asked, sticking his phone back in his pocket with a shit eating grin on his face.

"Not really."

It hadn't helped at all. The phrase promptly or quickly standing out in Rick's mind more than anything else Abraham had said. It'd been a week since Beth had left that message on his cup and he was fairly certain seven days would not be considered prompt or quick.

Still, he wasn't ready to give up quite yet. And while he had Abraham's attention, he figured he'd take advantage before they called it quits for the day. He'd waited forever to attempt the conversation, had hoped that while they closed up Abraham might be too distracted to realize Rick was asking his opinion. Because the only thing worse than feeling like a confused teenager over a girl was quite possibly coming to Abraham Ford for advice.

"Say a woman says she's going to do something soon. At one point do you think she changed her mind?" Rick asked, not believing the words coming out of his own mouth.

If he needed anymore proof that desperation was setting in he had to look no further than Abe's face that was staring back at him as they both stood behind the counter, trying to fight off the smile on his face.

"It depends. Is she talking about cooking dinner or throwing your shit out on the lawn?"

"Neither."

Rick watched his friend sigh in frustration, fed up with the vague answers.

"Look, either give me more to go on or shut up and get to work. Just because it's your last week doesn't mean you can slack off. I can always fire you."

"And I can always write you a ticket later." Rick joked back, glad to be off the topic of Beth, almost wishing he'd never brought it up.

But only almost. With each passing day, he found himself making excuses to drop her name into random conversations, having to stop himself from picking up the phone and just asking her what she'd meant. A part of him had hoped Abraham would ask who he was talking about just so he'd have an excuse to think about her again. It was getting bad. So bad that he was happy when the other man changed topics, told himself he needed to get a grip.

"So you ready to put the badge back on? Sure you can handle it?"

Rick knew what Abe was getting at. Was he going to be able to stay sober under so much pressure. It was the same thing his future Lieutenant had asked, a question that Rick had put a lot of thought into. And while he knew he couldn't predict the future, afterall, he'd never once imagined that he'd one day turn to alcohol, he felt confident in saying that the chances were slim.

Things were finally falling into place again, his relationship with Carl had finally gotten to a point where it resembled their old one. And he was happy to say he'd done all on his own, one of the reasons he'd turned Beth away that night. It hadn't all been for her sake. Rick knew it would've been easy to lose himself in her, to replace Jack Daniels with Beth Greene. But he probably should've told her that, he'd eventually realized. And maybe if she really gave him the chance to apologize, he would.

"I think I'll manage." Rick finally answered, knowing this new change in his life could only be a good thing.

"Carl proud of you yet? Or is he too old for that kind of thing?"

"Too sick. Well, he was. Now he's just mad that he's gotta go back to school in a few days. Guess it's better than being in the hospital though."

Abe just nodded his agreement, finally pulling the keys out of his pocket, a signal that it was time to go home. It was starting to get bittersweet with each passing day as they packed up and locked the door, Rick knowing there were only a few more times they'd be doing it together. But it was time, he knew that. The shooting range had been a stepping stone, one he was grateful for, but one he was ready to move on from.

And as he walked towards his car, Rick's mind went back to Beth, knew she hadn't been just a stepping stone. Because even after seven months, he wasn't ready to move on from her, he just wanted to move forward. Out of all the things that had changed, he still wished Beth hadn't had to be one of them.

* * *

><p>Rick blamed his distracted mind for not seeing her car when he pulled in front of his house. Maybe a part of him was still accustomed to seeing it parked in the driveway, whatever it was, it didn't matter. All he knew was that when he walked through his front door, there she was, sitting in the floor playing video games with Carl like she'd never left. And that he actually tripped over his feet when his eyes landed on hers, couldn't stop the next words that came out of his mouth.<p>

"You're here."

It reminded him of how he used to walk through the door, but instead of frowning at her presence, he was smiling. Didn't even try to hide it, not even with Carl sitting there witnessing the entire exchange.

"Mhmm. Thought I'd come see Carl."

Even though she was smiling at him with those big blue eyes, Rick still felt his stomach drop a little. Of course, she was there for Carl, he reminded himself. She'd never gotten a chance to see him in the hospital. But still, she was there. That was all that mattered.

He stood there awkward for a minute, not sure what to say, especially not with his son in the room.

Carl knew what had happened. Rick had finally had to break down and tell him, the basics at least. He'd left out the kissing and the backrubs, but once his son's anger had reached levels he'd never quite seen before and had accused Rick of screwing up, Rick had finally came clean. Admitted that the fear of screwing things up had quite possibly led him to screwing it up anyway. He remembered the look on Carl's face as he'd told him that whatever happened between him and Beth, he wanted it to be right. For him to be in a good place, but her especially. That Rick wanted Beth to want them, not just the distraction they provided. Carl had looked equal parts mortified at the idea of Rick and Beth but also slightly amused by Rick's claims.

And eventually, the boy had calmed down. It had taken a few days, but it'd happened none the less, reminding Rick once again just how grown up his son was becoming. That Carl could selflessly put himself in his father's shoes and show Rick a grain of understanding had been obvious.

And it still was. Rick was positive the blush on Carl's cheeks matched his own, seen the boy squirm as Rick stood there like a jackass, probably not only embarrassed by Rick, but for him.

"You wanna stay for dinner?" He finally asked her, figuring he may as well humiliate himself a little more.

But he figured there was no going back now, what was the point? He'd already made a fool out of himself, he may as well try to accomplish something while he did it. Even if it was making Carl stare at the screen in disbelief, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but in that room with them.

"Sure, I'll stay." She finally answered, and Rick watched her eyes dart towards Carl before finally meeting his own, both of them sharing a secret smile at how uncomfortable the kid was. "You want some help in the kitchen?"

Rick shook his head, positive he could manage on his own, certain that he wanted Beth to stay put. Didn't quite trust himself to say anything that wouldn't scare her way if they were left alone.

"It's okay. Relax." He finally told her, couldn't put the brakes on his next words even if he'd tried. "Just let me feed you."

He was trying to tell her that he just wanted to take care of her for once, to do her one small favor without expecting anything in return. And before he could watch her reaction to the statement, Carl replied first, clearly having figured out Rick's meaning and entirely fed up with the moment.

"Dad."

His son's eyes were staring into his, clearly trying to reign Rick back in, giving him a warning that Rick needed to shut up. And if it hadn't been for Beth's laugh, Rick might not have chuckled too. And when Carl just rolled his eyes, finally throwing in the towel, Rick dismissed himself into the kitchen. He didn't even flinch when he heard Carl whispering under breath, words that sounded a lot like teasing.

* * *

><p>Rick behaved himself through dinner. Happily allowed Carl and Beth to carry most of the conversation. It was relaxing, made even more enjoyable by the small, quick looks that Beth would shoot him while Carl was looking down at his plate. Stolen glances that were always accompanied by a smile. And Rick knew it wasn't just because his food tasted good. Maybe she had stopped by to visit Carl, but he was starting to grow suspicious that her promise on his cup had finally came around.<p>

It wasn't until they had all cleared their plates that the reality started to set in. That it was time for him to figure out what he wanted, needed, to say to her. That maybe she was finally going to give him a chance, a chance that he couldn't stomach messing up again. There might have been nothing but laughs and smiles at the dinner table but Rick knew as soon as he got her alone it was time to be serious. To finally say all things he'd been waiting seven long months to tell her.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed."

When Carl spoke the words, Rick glanced over at him, not quite sure if he was being serious. Carl never went to bed so early.

"You feel alright?" Rick asked, almost worried his son wasn't feeling well. It was an easy conclusion to jump to after everything they'd been through.

"I'm fine. Just tired." Carl assured him.

And that was when Rick realized what his son was doing, could tell from the mischievous twinkle in his young eyes. Carl was purposely leaving them alone together.

Rick didn't know whether to thank him or beg him to stay as he watched Carl get up and set his plate in the sink. Instead he stayed glued in place, wished his son a goodnight, didn't even speak when he heard the bedroom door close, leaving just him and Beth at the kitchen table.

He wished he could claim the silence that followed wasn't awkward, but it was. Even Beth felt it, finally getting up too to put her own plate in the sink. Rick thought she was about to leave, knew he had to find the right words, wasn't quite sure what she wanted him to say. But when she started to load the dishwasher, he breathed a sigh of relief, happy to see that she didn't already have one foot out the front door. Which was probably what he deserved even after all of this time.

"Let me help." He finally offered, but still made no move to get up. It wasn't that he didn't want to help, he just realized it was easier for them to talk with her back turned.

"It's fine. You cooked, I'll clean. It isn't like I haven't done it before." She joked, and Rick could only imagine the smile that was her on face as she was remembering their first encounter, amazed she could find humor in it now.

Finally, he stood up, walked towards her small figure. When he placed his own plate in the sink, Rick lingered, his chest practically touching her back. Leaned in so close to her that he could smell her fruity shampoo, could feel her sharp intake of breath when he whispered his next words into her ear.

"I'm sorry."

He wanted to list every last thing he was sorry for but he knew that wasn't what she wanted. Beth didn't want a play by play of every bad deed he'd ever done, she was just aware of them as Rick was.

"How do I know you won't just disappoint me again?" She finally asked, the question so beautifully raw and to the point that he couldn't help but to firmly grasp her hip in his hand, closing the distance between their bodies. To finally bury his face into her neck, gently pressing his lips to her skin.

"You don't." He replied in between his tender kisses, his mouth barely making contact with her skin as he slowly paced his mouth downwards, leaving a trail of goosebumps as he went. "But now you have something to fall back on if I do."

It was the truth and Beth deserved the truth. Rick couldn't promise there would never come a day that he'd disappoint her again. That he'd never hurt her. All he could do was apologize for the past, not promise the future.

"I get why you did it." She finally whispered, tilting her head to allow him better access, each kiss he placed more intense than the last.

When he finally reached her shoulder, he stopped, only long enough to pull down her sweater, exposing the flesh underneath. Looking up to see her reaction, Rick watched Beth closing her eyes, giving in to the attention he was paying her. As his fingers gently slid her bra strap down, he felt her sigh against him as he continued what he was doing, his lips kissing her warm flesh painstakingly slow.

"But you didn't have to kiss me first. It was cruel."

The honesty of the words hurt, and the only thing that took away from the sting of the burn was her hand finally coming to his face, the backside of her fingertips caressing his jaw before entangling with his hair.

It was getting harder to concentrate on his words, but Rick knew he had to. Even if he wanted to sink himself into her, to taste every last inch, he couldn't. Not yet.

"I'm selfish." He told her, landing another kiss onto her shoulder, finally allowing his teeth to graze her skin. "And I'm sorry."

Another kiss, her fingers yanking on his hair harder, pulling his head back up until his lips landed on that sweet spot on her neck. Rick could feel her pulse beating hard against his lips, finally covered it with his mouth, lapping greedily with his tongue, her ass pushing against him at the sensation.

He continued on for a bit longer, the sound of the dishwasher's low hum almost hiding the first moan that he pulled out of her. Rick knew he was going to leave a mark, but Beth held his head in place and for once he wasn't going to let her down. Not until she pushed against him once more, seeking relief from the same ache Rick had that he stopped.

It was cruel, but he'd always been good at cruel. And before anything else happened, he had to look her in the face. Had to ask his next question as he turned her around to face him, even if her eyes were already filled with same need he was.

"You trust me?" He asked, and despite his best intentions to keep her clear headed, Rick found himself kissing her jaw anyway, couldn't quite keep his hands to himself as he pulled her hips closer.

"You don't play fair." She whispered, but Rick could hear the satisfaction in her voice.

Still, he stopped. Completely pulled away, even let his arms hang awkward at his sides to prove he was willing to play however she wanted. Even if he felt completely exposed standing there under her gaze, it didn't matter. And while it was reminiscent of the last time he'd left her hanging, there was no hurt in Beth's eyes this time as she stared him down. He watched the pleased smile spread across her face, the realization of what he was trying to do, that he was giving her the chance to reject him once and for all.

But Beth had never been as cruel as Rick.

"I trust you." She finally told him, her hands running over the stubble of his face, pulling his body back to her. "I don't think I ever really stopped."

He watched her face as she realized the truth behind the words. That even she was surprised by what she'd said.

It was all he needed to finally wrap his arms back around her waist, to finally close the distance and press his lips against hers.

They shared a slow kiss, Rick took his time exploring her mouth while her hands explored his face, his hair, his shoulders. It was completely different from any other time they'd kissed, there was no rush, even if he wanted to. But he was happy to let his tongue take it's time dipping in and out of her mouth, gently stroking against hers. Even if every part of his body was waking up to the embrace, he knew he didn't have to hurry.

Even Beth seemed to be savoring it, she wasn't hurriedly pulling on his belt loops anymore, just stroking the nape of his neck, matching the pace of their mouths working together.

It wasn't lost on Rick that they were standing in the very same spot that he'd first encountered her, had first demanded that she leave, his words coming out angry and cold.

"Will you stay?" He asked pulling away just long enough to whisper it in her ear, trying to steady his voice from nerves now instead of anger.

"What about Carl?"

He seen the sneaky smile on her face, could tell her mind was in the same place his was. And the fact that this woman in front of him could still show concern for his son even though she was feeling as selfishly greedy as he was in that moment just made him want her more.

"He knows. Why do you think he left us alone on purpose?"

She tried to laugh, but Rick covered his mouth in her's once more, couldn't stop from helping himself to one more taste in case she left.

"Just because he wants us to make up doesn't means he thinks we're gonna make _out_. Or.."

Her voice trailed off as she hesitantly pulled away and Rick knew what she was hinting at it. The very same thing his own body was hinting at, made obvious by the growing bulge pressing uncomfortably against his denim jeans. The flush on her cheeks said the same thing, that her own arousal was as strong as his.

"He's a teenage boy. Trust me. He knows. You haven't seen his internet history..."

Rick knew he would've said just about anything to convince her to stay in that moment. Would've gotten down on his knees and begged. But he didn't have to. After she shook her head at how embarrassing his comment would've been if Carl had ever heard him, he felt her small hands grab his waist, finally grabbing a hold of his belt loops.

"You really have no shame." She told him.

And before Rick could reply she kissed him again, gently yanking his body in the direction of his bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

A small part of Beth still wanted to tell him no. To put her shoes back on, crawl out of his bed, and head straight out the front door. She'd came over to visit Carl and maybe, possibly, speak to Rick. She honestly hadn't intended to end up literally entangled with him. But when had she ever been good at resisting? It would have purely been out of spite anyway and spite seemed like a waste, especially with him quite literally taking the time to savor her. The only clothing that had been removed was their shoes, kicked off in a haste before collapsing onto his bed, and Rick seemed in no hurry to take off the rest.

No, resistance was definitely futile. Not with him laying next to her, his hands on her face, his stubble scratchy against her cheeks as he kissed her deeply, his tongue expertly working against her own.

Maybe she should have made him explain himself better, made him work harder at his apology. But the truth was, Beth didn't have to hear it. She knew he was sorry. She also knew, despite how poorly he'd handled it, Rick had been right to leave her standing in that parking lot. Even if she wanted to still care, she just couldn't find it in herself to anymore.

Especially not when she felt him moan into her mouth, a sound so addictive that it pushed away any other thought in her head. A part of her still couldn't believe she was pressed against Rick, her hands running over him, that a moment that'd been in the making for too long was finally happening, one she'd refused to even think about for the last seven months.

Seven months that had lasted forever, just like Rick's sudden patience seemed to be lasting.

Not that Beth minded his strong hands working over her body, squeezing her hips, his palms brushing over her chest only long enough to tease her. And that was what he was doing she realized, Rick was tormenting her on purpose. Just when she'd thought he couldn't possibly find a new way to torture her, he'd clearly found it, found another way to make her wait. Every time he drew a whimper out of her mouth, he'd slow their pace again, move his attention to somewhere less stimulating on her body. Instead of her ass, his hands would explore her back. Instead of stroking her thighs, he'd move back to her stomach and start all over again.

"You're very patient." She whispered, pulling her mouth away from his long enough to see the small smile tug on the corner of his lips.

"Haven't you learned anything?" He asked, planting another kiss by her ear, his voice so low that Beth barely heard his next words. "Good things come to those who wait."

It was all she needed to feel the blood pump harder in her veins, to make her frustration finally equal her arousal. Beth wasn't sure if it was the enticing promise he'd just made or the reminder he'd just spoken aloud, that it was always Rick making her wait. Either way she was tired of it, tired of the games they always played with each other. She knew she could beat him at it anyway.

"Fuck you." She told him, jerking her mouth away from his lips, watched his eyebrow raise at her teasing tone.

Beth stared him down for a second, could tell he was waiting on her next move, thrown off by the shift in moods but no less intrigued. When she seen his head tilt as he sized her up, clearly thinking he was going to eventually win, Beth couldn't stop herself if she'd tried.

And when he leaned in to kiss her once again, she allowed it, let his tongue ease into her mouth before finally taking her chance and pushed him onto his back, watched his blue eyes open in surprise at how forceful she was being as she crawled on top of his waist.

"Don't worry, good things come to those who wait." She whispered into his ear, grinding down slowly on the bulge in his jeans, feeling his hips rise to meet the contact.

And as soon as she felt him pushing against her through the denim, Beth pulled away from his face, sat straight up and just shook her head, quickly allowing a smirk to take shape on her face. Not even when she pulled her hair down from it's usual ponytail did she break eye contact, not even with his stare tracking her every movement, desperate to see what came next.

With his hungry eyes coming to meet her's, his cock straining between their bodies, it was hard for Beth to deny him. When he lifted his hips again, seeking relief, she stayed still, refusing to give in at all. It wasn't easy either. The feeling of every hard inch of him trying to push against her was so tempting, the way the his lazy eyes were overcome with pleasure from any fragment of satisfaction he could find was enough to make just about anyone cave.

And if it wasn't for his urgent hands grasping her thighs, desperate for the friction, Beth might have gave in. But she clearly had him right where she wanted him and before she could second guess herself, she yanked his hands away, knowing she'd made her point when she seen his brow furrow in frustration.

She heard him playfully growl in response, but otherwise he was being a team player. Happy to let her take control.

"Wait your turn." She whispered, even laughed when he simply nodded, because he had no idea what she was about to do to him.

And until that moment, Beth hadn't been entirely sure either. She just knew she wanted to toy with him, to take the opportunity she had and seize it.

Finally, grabbing the hem of her sweater, she lifted it over her head, watched as his thirsty eyes drank up every inch of her bare flesh. And if he thought his need couldn't get any worse, Beth knew she was going to make him so anxious he'd never forget the power she could have over him.

His eyes were glued to her, waiting for the next article to come off, and Beth was happy to submit to what he wanted just once. Unclasping her bra, she tossed it in the floor, seen Rick's lips part at the sight in front of him. She was still straddling his waist, completely topless, her hard nipples only hinting at the arousal she felt. Rick couldn't see that her heart was beating harder in her chest, that with every throb from his dick pressed against her that she was throbbing too. Or that it was taking every bit of self control she had not to grind against him, to finally relieve some of the aching tension that was building.

"You done yet?" He asked, clearly ready for this game to be over, anxious to touch her.

"Haven't gotten started." She answered, meeting his eyes.

The smile that spread across his face at her words might have been the innocent one that Beth had always adored, but there was nothing pure behind his blue eyes. Nothing wholesome at all about the way his hips rutted up towards her body again, seeking the same relief that Beth was tired of denying herself.

But she didn't have to deny herself, just him.

She held his gaze as she reached up and grasped her chest, her fingers flicking over her own nipple, wasn't sure who it was that moaned first. Beth's body was craving touch, even if it was just her own. It was hard not to lose herself in the sensation of her thumb working small circles over the hard bud, to not close her eyes and give in. But she wanted to see his face, to watch him squirm while she got her way.

Rick's hands were gripping her thighs, his fingertips digging into her jeans, getting more frustrated by the second.

And Beth couldn't help herself, too turned on by the man writhing beneath her, his hard cock pressing into her. She unbuttoned her jeans and finally slipped her hand down, dipped a finger between her sticky lips, barely grazing over her swollen clit.

"Fuck, Beth." Rick grunted, a reaction so quick it was almost like she'd touched him instead.

Maybe it was the way he said her name, maybe it was knowing that he was finally getting the point, or maybe it was just her own raw need. But as she stared down at him and seen the jealousy on his each one of his features, Beth knew she wasn't done just yet.

With a few more fingers, she slowly started to rub herself, using only her fingertips at first. And when she heard a needy moan escape Rick's mouth, felt his cock ram up towards her, Beth gave in and used her entire palm to grind against, didn't even hide the whimpers that were beginning to grow with urgency.

Beth could feel the pressure building with each movement from her hand, her hips finally finding a steady rhythm that was pushing her closer and closer to the edge until finally she closed her and let her mind take over. Pretended that there was no barrier between them, that Rick's bare dick was rubbing against her, imagined how good it would feel when he was filling her, deeper than her fingers could ever go.

It was his moan that finally caught her attention, made her eyes snap open to see him staring at her, his eyelids so heavy that Beth knew he'd just been picturing the same things she'd been.

And the thought that filled her head next was so evil, Beth knew she was going to do it. Even though it pained her to stop the pleasure she'd been giving herself, she pulled her hand out of her jeans, her pussy literally aching from missing the contact.

With Rick breathing heavy under her, she slipped the first finger into her mouth, tasting her own juices and moaning at the flavor for his benefit. Letting her tongue lap up every last drop as she watched his face, watched Rick's lips part in need. Need to taste her. It was all the incentive she needed.

Wiggling the remaining two sticky fingers in front of her face, she offered him her most innocent smile. Put another fingertip to her lips and traced over them before sucking them dry too, grinded down on his dick to give him the full effect of how good they tasted.

"One left." She whispered, finally leaning down on to him, dangled it in front of his mouth.

Rick's head lifted off the pillow, his mouth already open, his body ready for the treat she was offering. It wasn't until he was half way there that she pulled her hand away, actually making him moan from the tease.

She kissed his jaw, her lips making a trail all the way up to his ear where she whispered her next words.

"It can't always be by your rules."

They both knew what she was talking about. Not just sex, but all of it. Beth wasn't willing to let Rick make her wait seven months anymore, not on his say so alone. That he couldn't ask her to stay when it was convenient for him, that he didn't get to say when she left, that he couldn't take her to bed and fuck her how he alone craved it.

When she pulled away and looked into his eyes she could tell he understood. But just in case there was any doubt left in her mind, Rick finally spoke, his voice so rough from the torture she'd put him through that Beth knew she was done playing games.

"I know." He whispered, leaning up and pressing his lips against her forehead.

It was all she needed to hear, finally dipping her finger between his lips, the sensation of his warm, wet mouth wrapped around her finger almost too much to bare, making it too easy to imagine how good it would feel on other parts of her body. Something that would have to wait for another day, because if the groans coming out of them both told her anything it was that they were both too close to play around much longer.

Once his hunger had been satisfied, Rick pulled away and kissed her lips, slipping his tongue into her mouth and Beth couldn't help but think how good she tasted on him, and knowing that the angry man that had once told her to leave was now between her legs begging for the same thing she needed only fueled her on more.

Sitting up again, she interlocked her fingers with his and pulled Rick up too, allowing him to finally participate as he pulled his own shirt over his head.

When he kissed her again, she let him make his way down her neck, back to sensitive skin that she knew was already bruised from earlier, but Beth didn't care. She was happy to run her fingers through his curls, to feel his warm chest pressed against her own. Once her hands got their fill of him, from his face all the way down to his hard chest, she finally wrapped her arms around his neck and just enjoyed his mouth moving against hers, rolled her hips to match the rocking of his.

It was hard not to get caught up in it, to just ride him with their jeans still on but Beth hadn't made it this far to let Rick cum in pants. And she knew if she didn't stop soon, he most definitely would, so would she. His hands were gripping her hips, pushing their bodies together as hard he could, groaning roughly with each thrust.

Beth was positive she'd never seen anything more beautiful then him in that moment. The sweat dripping from his brow, his eyes holding her gaze, not trying to hide from the pleasure that washing over him. She'd only ever slept with guys that selfishly kept their need to themselves, that didn't let their arousal be heard, that squinted their eyes shut as soon as it all got to be too much.

But Rick was different. And as soon as she started to imagine what he'd look like the moment he was officially inside of her, he finally spoke, reading her mind.

"You got a condom?" He practically panted into her ear, each word a struggle to get out.

And right when she was about to answer, Beth felt his warm mouth envelope her nipple, causing the ache in the pit of her stomach desperate to break free. She writhed on top of him, not caring about condoms suddenly, not caring about anything other than getting his jeans off and his cock inside of her.

"I'm on the pill." She answered, biting down on her lip when his mouth moved to her other hard bud, his tongue paying it equal attention with greedy desperate strokes.

Beth crawled off him as he began unbuttoning his own jeans, quickly following suit. Both of them in a clumsy rush, pants and underwear being thrown carelessly onto his bedroom floor. She barely got a chance to even indulge her eyes at the sight of his naked body when he pushed her on to her back, forcing her legs apart as he got comfortable between her thighs.

And if she couldn't look, she could at least touch, finally grasping his hard cock in her hands as he rested on his knees between her legs, his eyes scanning her body all the way from her smiling face, down past her stomach, finally coming to rest on her swollen lips that were already slick, desperate for more than his eyes to feast upon them. When she seen him suck down on his bottom lip as his hands roughly massaged her shaking thighs, Beth gave his dick a rough squeeze, forcing his hips to arch up at the sensation, the head of his cock so close to sliding inside her that she moaned at just the thought.

Rick was begging for permission though, to finally taste more than just her finger and Beth couldn't have said no to his blue eyes when they met hers, even if she was afraid she'd lose it right there with his face between her legs. He raised an eyebrow as his finger slid over her slit, a finger tip swiping over her clit, the sounds of his motions filling the room, followed by a throaty moan out of her mouth that was so breathless she barely recognized.

"Well?" He asked and Beth wasn't sure if she'd ever seen anything more adorable than his goofy smile or anything sexier than having him in front of her, begging to savor her.

Beth just nodded, desperate to have any part of him she could get, not caring anymore what part of his body it was, so long as it was him.

He didn't hesitate either, finally kissing her bare stomach, down to her thighs, kissing one while massaging the other. When his mouth finally found the place she needed it, Beth twisted under the pleasure, her hands digging into the sheets, her moans the only sounds louder than his tongue working over her cunt. She looked down and found his blue eyes looking back at her, his tongue finally landing against her clit, sucking it between lips after flicking over it a few times.

The suction from his mouth and the vibrations from the moans coming out of him were so intense that Beth didn't even notice his rough stubble pressed hard against her sensitive skin, she didn't even care that it'd burn in the morning. All that mattered was the ache building in her stomach, moving down faster than she wanted it to.

When he slipped two fingers inside of her, she felt her walls clench tight, desperate for any type of penetration she could get. And with his tongue stroking her from the outside and his fingers working the inside, she felt the first few small flutters of release approach, jerked his head away and almost laughed at the proud expression on his face for getting her so close, so fast.

They were both breathing too heavy to speak, but they didn't need to. Beth looked at him, met his eyes that were looking at her. Both of them with a goofy smile on their face, knowing what was about to happen, not quite believing it. And if Beth thought the moment couldn't get any more honest, Rick grabbed her hand and pressed it to his lips, gently kissing her knuckles before letting go.

And he was still grinning like an idiot when he finally pressed his body against hers, lining himself up with her entrance.

He pushed in bit by bit, both of them releasing one last moan before his lips connected with hers, her hips coming up to help guide him in deeper until finally he settled within her tight walls, not moving until she adjusted.

He stayed still for a moment, catching his breath and Beth was glad for it, gave her mind time to realize that Rick was finally right where she wanted him to be. That the ache in her body would soon be relieved, the flutters in her stomach would soon turn into explosions.

She ran her hand over his cheek just as he started slowly rocking his hips, each easy thrust filling her completely, already making her walls throb with every movement. He'd push in only to pull out a little more each time until finally Beth could feel his entire hard length sliding inside, never quite leaving her completely, each grind causing a ripple of pleasure more powerful than the last, drawing her closer and closer to the edge.

Beth wasn't entirely sure what words were rolling out of her mouth. His name, whimpers, pants, moans, not that it mattered. Especially not when he started pushing into her with painstakingly slow force, his body rubbing against her clit with each thrust, until finally she had to bite down on her hand to stifle the sounds escaping her lips, afraid of being too loud.

He was watching her too, his eyes watching her face scrunch in pleasure, the sweat from his brow dripping down onto her cheek as she felt the first waves of her orgasm approach. So intense that her entire body felt numb except where his body was joining hers, that when she spoke her next words Beth knew she'd never said anything more honest in her life.

"Please.."

Maybe it was a beg for him not to stop, or for her body to finally give her the release she needed.

Whatever it was, she felt his cock jerk at the sound, a whimper so raw come out of him that it was no surprise when her entire body clenched, every muscle tightening with the orgasm that tore through her so fast and hard that she knew the fingernails digging into his back and probably drawn blood.

But he didn't seem to mind, the feeling of her walls pulsing around him, causing him to quicken his pace until finally she felt the first shot of his sticky cum release deep inside her, followed by another. His cock throbbing so hard that Beth could feel it within herself, emptying every last drop until he collapsed on top of her, planting a sweaty kiss on her lips before burying his face into her neck.

Beth let her hands explore his body one last time, running over his sweaty back, dipping her fingers into his wet hair. She would've been happy to let him stay there forever, both of them still breathing heavy, both quickly subcoming to the exhaustion that always followed such a powerful release.

Rick gave her forehead one last kiss before finally pulling out and rolling over, grabbing Beth between his arms, allowing her to bury herself into his armpit before yanking the blanket over their naked bodies.

It was dark out but Beth knew it was still early, that it hadn't been as long as it'd felt since they'd all been eating dinner. But early was good, made it so she didn't have to rush.

"What time should I set it for?" Rick asked reading her mind, his free hand searching for his phone off the floor.

She watched him swipe the cracked screen, almost laughed as she witnessed him fumble with the touch screen. His phone wasn't filled with social media apps, just the basics. And for some reason she found that almost as appealing as the way his mouth had just expertly worked her body.

The weight of the situation wasn't entirely lost on her. That for once there was absolutely nothing standing in their way of being together. Of her staying. They both wanted it and there wasn't any good reason to say no.

"Um, 5am. I gotta leave in time to go home and get ready for class."

"Alright, 6 it is."

"No, five. Seriously."

"Fine. I actually have a class of my own tomorrow before work." He told her after finally setting the alarm and tossing the phone on the night stand.

"For what?"

She eased herself back into his arms as they both got comfortable, her head resting on his chest as her hand grazed over the hair on his stomach. It was getting harder to concentrate on what he was saying, her eyelids were already growing heavy with sleep. And for once Beth didn't feel rushed to squeeze in as much as she could, she knew there'd be more times like this to come. That if she drifted off while he talked there'd be tomorrow to finish.

"Cop stuff. Certifications that expired, paperwork. Then the fun begins."

"When?" She asked, her eyes struggling so hard to stay open that eventually she just let them close as he continued, his voice growing tired too.

"Two more days. Tomorrow I'll bring home the cruiser and the uniform. It'll be official."

She smiled imagining him in his uniform, wondering how long it would take before the entire town finally stopped talking about seeing him back. Probably never, she figured.

"You excited?"

His free hand was stroking her hair and finally he answered before kissing the top of her head.

"Yeah, not about work though."

Beth knew what he was saying, every part of her agreeing with the statement. And finally, with that thought in her mind, she let the comfortable silence fill the room, the only sound she could hear was his strong heart beating in chest.

* * *

><p>It was Rick that woke up first at the sound of his alarm, Beth finally waking up to his gentle nudges. She didn't want to get up. Didn't want to leave her dreamless sleep or him behind. But she knew she had to get going, had to take care of work before she could play. Finally, she crawled over his body and flipped on a lamp, began searching his bedroom floor for each article of clothing she'd tossed aside the night before.<p>

"I don't want you to go." Rick finally spoke, his voice scratchy from sleep. "But I could get used to this."

She was bent over picking up her underwear, knew he had a full view of her body in front him.

And when she turned around and seen him laying there, exposed from the waist up and his sleepy blue eyes looking back, Beth knew she could get used to it too. That finally, she could.

She wanted nothing more than to crawl back into the bed with him, to have an encore.

"When do you get off?" She asked instead, ready to see him again and she hadn't even left yet.

"When you tell me I can."

The joke made her smile even though she was tired, even though seeing him smile too made it that much harder to get dressed and go. But finally, she mustered up the energy and slowly put on her clothes all under his watchful gaze. Rick wasn't even trying to hide his attraction to her body and she didn't want him to.

Finally, she leaned down and gave him one more kiss, her lips lingering longer than she really had time for.

"You're gonna freeze in just a sweater." He told her, his hand still cupping her chin. "Take my jacket."

"What will you do?" She asked, smiling at his concern for her.

"Ask for it back once it smells like you."

Even Beth couldn't argue with that, couldn't think of anything to say back. Instead she picked the brown suede jacket up off his dresser, ran her hand over fur lining on the collar before slipping it over arms. It was big, hanging down on her hands until she pushed the sleeves up a little.

"Looks good on you."

"Maybe if you're lucky I'll let you take it off later."

He grinned that boyish smile and Beth grinned back before giving him one more kiss. She flipped the lamp off before leaving the room, allowing him a few more minutes of sleep before his day started too.

When she made it outside and felt the cold air on her face she was glad for his coat. Zipped it up and inhaled his scent, imagined him one day doing the same thing if when he asked for it back.


	12. Chapter 12

Rick couldn't go back to sleep no matter how hard he tried. Even though it was barely past five o'clock in the morning, his bed already felt too empty for his taste. Even if Beth had only been in it for one night he realized he was quickly becoming used to having another body under his sheets. He almost wished she'd accidentally left something behind, anything to make it more real. Maybe it was quick, but Rick was ready for it to feel official. At least that was the best title he could come up with as he laid in bed, his eyes refusing to stay shut as his mind worked overtime. He wanted to look over and see something of hers on the night stand, to walk into his bathroom and find her toothbrush on the counter. Hair spray, make up, anything. Anything that would prove she'd been there, that she'd be coming back, that she belonged with him.

It was insane, he knew that. But after waiting for so long, did it really come as such a surprise that he was in a rush? He had to continously remind himself there was no reason to hurry things along, especially since she was already making plans to see him again. But even as he got dressed, he wished she was there to cook breakfast for. Take a shower with. Go over their plans for the day together, argue about what was for dinner. Even if they had all the time in the world now for those types of things, Rick couldn't help but worry a little. Something always seemed to go wrong.

But when he finally made it to the shower and the hot water started waking his brain up, Rick realized that the thing that always went wrong had always been him. Either he'd been too drunk, too cruel, or just too stupid. Even if it'd been right to make them both go their separate ways for a bit, he wished he could have those seven months back. Especially after what had just happened. As he dried off and got dressed, it was all he was capable of thinking about. That if he hadn't pushed her away maybe by now Beth would be getting out of the shower with him, maybe he would've really been about to cook her breakfast.

Instead he was opening the door the let the steam roll out alone, he was picking his toothbrush up from the two on the counter, instead of three.

"Which is it, a late night or an early morning?"

Rick turned to the sound of his son's voice, seen him standing in the doorway of the bathroom, already awake and dressed, a sneaky smile on his face.

And Rick wasn't sure how to respond. Carl was old enough to have figured out the truth but that didn't mean Rick had to tell him. But if he already knew what was the point in lying about it? Not being able to decide which route to take, he asked a question of his own, trying to deflect.

"Why are you up so early?"

Carl just rolled his eyes, finally sitting down on the toilet while Rick filled up the sink to shave. He figured if he was going to the station later, he may as well look the part and get rid of the stubble that was quickly turning into a five o'clock shadow. Plus, it would keep him busy while Carl interrogated him, something that was clearly about to happen.

"Well, when you go to bed at six you tend to wake up early." Carl told him, but his tone wasn't accusing like Rick had expected. Just matter-of-fact.

And when Carl spoke again, Rick stopped what he was doing, suddenly feeling like he was the kid and his son was the parent. That he'd been busted doing something wrong even though Carl seemed far from upset.

"She stayed the night. I heard her leave."

Rick would've been able to tell if his son was angry, he'd gotten used to recognizing the emotion in all it's shapes and sizes after everything they'd been through, but there was none to be found on Carl's young face. He was simply having a conversation, one Rick knew needed to take place. It was why he responded truthfully, feeling like Carl was old enough to deserve the truth. Hell, he was almost as tall as Rick was now, he only had a few years of high school left, it was officially time to stop treating him like a little boy.

"She did." Rick confirmed, still watching Carl, wanting to make sure nothing about the situation was making him uncomfortable.

But Carl just nodded, his face almost unreadable.

"Is that alright?" Rick finally asked, keeping his voice soft, meeting Carl's eyes.

No matter how quickly his son was growing up, Rick knew it was still his job to carry the conversation. That he still had to consider his son's feelings about what was going on before he jumped in with both feet. And even if it hurt, if Carl was uneasy with the situation Rick knew he'd push the brakes.

"It's just...weird."

"Weird like you wish I'd stop? Or just...weird?"

Rick braced himself for the answer, afraid of what it would be. No matter how willing he was to do whatever it was that Carl needed, it wouldn't make it easy. But when he stopped shaving and finally looked over, he seen Carl shrug, debating his reply.

"Just weird, I guess. But it's gonna be weird no matter who it is, right? So I guess I'm glad it's Beth and not someone else. We already know her, we already like her."

Rick nodded, not quite believing his luck. Weird he could deal with, weird was better than he'd expected. And Carl was right, they did already know Beth. He wasn't bringing in a stranger and expecting her to love his kid. Beth already loved Carl. She'd loved Carl before she'd ever thought twice about Rick. And while the adjustment period might be tricky, he knew in his gut it'd be okay.

"So this is okay then? Me and her?" He asked one last time, just to make sure.

"Yeah, you have my blessing." Carl joked, making them both laugh, relieving the tension in the small room.

And while Carl had him smiling, he decided to continue on and Rick knew he was just teasing.

"Even if she is actually closer to my age. And in school, technically. And she was my friend first. And that by the time she's ready to have her own kids you'll be too old."

Rick smile despite himself, knew he deserved it, knew that unfortunately most of it was true. It was an odd pairing, he could admit it. But he didn't care, not if the two people who mattered most didn't. And while Carl may have been calling attention to the oddity of it, he didn't seem bothered either. Just amused.

And it wasn't until he was finished shaving that Carl went in for the kill, taking advantage of Rick's good mood to pop the next question, in true teenager fashion.

"So does this mean I can date now too?" Carl asked, a smirk on his lips.

If Rick thought the last conversation was one he wasn't prepared for, he'd definitely just been confronted with the one thing that was quite possibly worse.

He looked over, seen that Carl was serious, realized he was stupid for thinking it'd only been a joke.

"You can't even drive yet, how are you gonna date?" Rick asked, just trying to change the subject.

"Then teach me. I start driver's ed soon. Don't you want me to be the best in my class?"

Rick knew he had to compromise on something and driving was easier to accept, seemed far less scary than dating and all the things that came with it. He could take Carl to an empty parking lot, let him stretch his wings a little, then go home and pretend none of it was happening. That is son wasn't turning into a young man.

"I think I can manage that." Rick finally agreed, wiping the his face dry with a towel. "But you're going to school tomorrow, don't try to weasel your way out of that."

Carl smiled, clearly done asking for favors, not willing to push his luck anymore than he already had. It'd officially been a week since he'd left the hospital and it was time for things to go back to normal. Or a new normal, at least, Rick figured.

* * *

><p>He ended up getting Carol to drop him off at the police station, and it'd been a good call because before Rick knew it, he was leaving in his cruiser, officially on the payroll. He still wasn't going to start for two days, but the car was his, the uniforms were in the backseat, and he knew the next 48 hours would fly by. And he had to admit, it felt weird. It was like coming home only to find all of your furniture had been rearranged.<p>

Rick was no longer the most bright eyed, optimistic deputy on the force. He knew it, they all knew it. But he'd spent the last seven months debating which parts of his old life he wanted to keep and which parts he was ready to move on from. His wedding band had came off, but the urge to call his old Lieutenant had only grown stronger. The last bottle of Jack Daniels that had been hiding in the back of his cabinets had been poured down the drain the day he'd picked up the phone. It'd been a process, to find a balance, but at the end of the day everything had led him back to his old job. Maybe wearing a badge didn't feel as much like an honor anymore, more like a necessary evil. But it was a part of him whether he really liked it or not, something he always came back to at the end of the day.

But even if he was technically now on the force, back to one of the few things he couldn't escape from, Rick still parked the cruiser in the parking lot of the shooting range, dead set on finishing the last two shifts with Abraham.

"You're late."

It was the first words out of Abe's mouth, and even if he was giving Rick a hard time, he was smiling about it.

"Fire me." Rick replied, stuffing his keys in his pocket and taking his usual spot behind the counter.

"So it's official now, huh? You got the car?"

Rick had already told Abraham that he'd be late, what his plans for that morning would be. But he also knew that Abe was going to get in the ball busting while he still could.

"Yeah, it's in the parking lot."

"Can I test drive it?"

Rick looked at the eager grin on his friend's face and just shook his head at him.

"Nope."

Abe was about to object and ask one more time when they both heard the bell over the door ring, announcing a customer that put their conversation to a halt. Rick was about to say his normal greeting when he looked up and seen her standing there. Her cheeks red from the weather outside, still in his jacket, with a shy smile on her face.

"Good afternoon." Abe told her before Rick got the chance, clearly having no idea who Beth was.

"It is." Beth agreed, her eyes glancing over Abraham for a quick second before going back to Rick as she walked towards them.

Rick was surprised to see her again so soon, but it was a good surprise. He was positive the smile on his face matched his insides, didn't even bother to fight off the grin that matched hers, not even as Abraham stood their witnessing their exchange, his eyes darting back and forth between them as the conversation continued.

"I thought you had class." Rick finally told her once she was standing in front of him, fighting every urge he had to reach over the glass counter and touch her. Tuck a stray hair behind her ear, grab her hand, anything really.

"One on them got canceled." She answered, her eyes still staring into his. "Thought I'd stop by."

"You decided to just stop by?" He wanted to make sure he'd heard it right. That Beth had came by just to see him.

She just nodded and Rick knew they both looked like two idiots, standing there just grinning at each other. Not that he cared. Beth had went out of her way to see him, did anything else really matter?

He could feel Abe staring at him, probably wondering what the hell was going on. Rick didn't exactly have pretty women stop by everyday, didn't normally stand there staring at customers biting his lip like an anxious teenager. But Rick hadn't felt like actually blushing until the other man finally spoke, clearly taking some enjoyment out of making Rick squirm.

"You must be the girl he was talking to me about yesterday." Abe said, reaching his hand across the counter for Beth to shake with a big grin on his face for the embarrassment he'd just caused. "I'm Abe, the boss."

Rick watched Beth reach her own hand out, laughing at Abe's words, her eyes checking in with Rick, seen him bury his face in his hand.

"I'm Beth. The..." her voice trailed off, and Rick could tell she wasn't quite sure what to label herself as.

"The...girl." She finally settled on, her cheeks blushing too.

And almost like Beth knew that Rick couldn't take much more of the conversation that was happening, she changed topics, her eyes finally meeting his again.

"So you got the car?" She asked, a proud smile on her face.

"I did."

"Can I test drive it?"

Her question made Rick laugh and he knew he couldn't deny her anything. Even if he had just told Abraham no, even if he could possibly get fired for it. Plus, it would get him alone with her.

"Absolutely." He answered, grabbing the keys out of his pocket.

He heard Abraham about to object, but Beth cut him off. Her eyes full of eager excitement.

"You mean like, right now?"

"Yes, like right now."

Rick handed her the keys and walked from behind the counter, gave Abe a helpless shrug as the other man just stood there speechless. It wasn't until Rick had grabbed Beth's hand, leading her out of the store that he heard Abe finally yell out.

"This is bullshit. And you're on the clock."

Rick could hear the amusement in his friend's voice, knew Abraham didn't really blame him for walking out of the store. That he found it funny more than anything else.

"Fire me." Rick yelled back, just as the shop's door shut behind them.

* * *

><p>"So who else have you been talking to about me?" Beth asked, her hands running over the steering wheel of his cruiser.<p>

She ended up being perfectly content just to sit in the driver's seat, exploring all the gadgets while Rick stayed in the passenger seat, happy to just sit back and let her have fun.

"Carl, actually." He admitted, even though he knew Beth hadn't expected him to actually say anyone.

Her hands stopped fiddling with the accessories, her eyes meeting his with an anxious expression on her face. Rick knew Beth would never want to upset his son and he rushed his next words so she wouldn't have to worry any longer than she had to.

"He's okay." Rick told her, watching the relief flood her face. "He heard you leave this morning and decided to come corner me about it."

"How'd it go?" She asked, and Rick could tell she was slightly embarrassed that Carl had clearly figured out what they'd been up to.

"He gave me his blessing." Rick answered honestly, finally making her laugh.

And it was seeing her smile that distracted him, that let his next words slip out before he'd even realized what he'd said.

"He also wanted to know if he could date too."

It took him a moment to realize the real reason that Beth's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Why the smile on her face suddenly grew bigger. At first Rick figured she was just as shocked by the idea of Carl dating as he was, and just when he was about to voice his agreement, she spoke. And Rick realized what he'd really just said.

"Date _too_?" She asked. "Is that what this is?"

Her eyes met his with the question and Rick wasn't sure what to say. Opened his mouth to speak, only to shut it again before the wrong words came out of his lips. He wanted to say yes but he also wanted to say whatever it was that she needed to hear.

Rick felt her eyes on him as he struggled with his thoughts until finally she spoke again, her answer so final that Rick couln't help but internally sigh in relief.

"Okay." She agreed, nodding her head with a smile, answering for both of them.

"Is it?"

He didn't want to push her into anything, but even so he couldn't stop his hand from finally reaching out and grabbing hers. Didn't even hesitate when he pressed his lips gently against her hand, meeting her eyes. Rick didn't want her to doubt his answer, but he wanted Beth to be positive of her own. He'd put the girl through so much, it seemed unreal that she was sitting next to him even contemplating such a word like dating.

"Yeah." She whispered, squeezing his hand tighter with her answer.

And if he had any doubts that she meant it, they were quickly squashed when she leaned and kissed him, her eager lips pressing against his gently, a quick peck before pulling away.

"Does this mean I can scribble your name in my notebooks and draw hearts?" She teased before kissing him again, her free hand rubbing the nape of his neck.

"You can do anything you want." He told her even though he knew she was only kidding, but still meaning every word of what he'd said.

If Beth wanted to doodle his name, he'd buy her the damn pens. If she wanted a pony, he was positive he would've went and gotten her one. It was a ridiculously playful thought, one that perfectly matched her expression when she pulled away from his lips again, a sneaky smile tugging on the corner of her lips.

"Anything?" She asked.

Her fingers finally let go of his and before Rick had time to miss the touch, she placed her hand on his crotch and he quickly understood what she was getting at. An idea at least. His body almost immediately reacted to the act, every muscle tensing from just the thought of what she could be hinting at, his cock already straining against his jeans.

But before he could answer, she kissed him again, this time her lips were rough against his, her tongue working into his mouth with force, her palm cupping his length through his jeans. Where ever her mind was going, Rick wasn't about to stop her. Even if they were in his cop car, in a public parking lot.

Instead he yielded to her kiss, letting her tongue stroke against his the same way her hand was starting to stroke against his cock, Slow and lazy at first, gradually increasing pressure, working his body in such a way that Rick wasn't sure if she was trying to kill him from the sudden unexpected pleasure or just simply make him unload in his jeans.

It wasn't until she went to unbuckle his belt that he pulled away from the kiss, not quite believing what Beth was about to do in broad daylight.

"I'm pretty sure this is illegal." He told her through gritted teeth, her fingers still rubbing him through his pants, not stopping at his words.

"Pretty sure? What kind of cop are you?" She asked, kissing her way up his jaw and towards his ear.

He didn't really care that it was illegal, Rick was just trying to calm his mind, calm his entire body from the attention she was paying him before he lost it too soon.

"It is, it definitely is."

Beth just laughed, finally unzipping his pants and freeing his cock from his jeans, continued to stroke him while her mouth sucked on his earlobe.

"Public indecency." He grunted. "Lewd behavior."

She continued to stroke him with each word, not seeming to car at all that at any moment someone could walk past them in the parking lot. But Rick knew he didn't care either, not even if it meant possibly getting charged with a misdemeanor the day he got hired. The thought alone just made him laugh, the sudden sound causing Beth to pull away and look him in the eye.

"You want me stop?" She asked, but her eyes told the truth. That even if he said yes, he was dead set on getting her way.

Rick looked at his unexpected partner in crime and just shook his head, knew there wasn't a chance in hell he'd ever stop her.

"Good."

She whispered the words and as soon as Rick thought her lips were about to meet his again while her hand finished the job, she lowered her head instead and the reality of what she was about to do hit him just as her mouth wrapped around him, engulfing his dick in her warm, tight mouth.

He fought to keep his eyes open with her lips wrapped snug around the base of his dick, her mouth sucking him so hard that it forced the first moan to escape his lips, actually causing him to glance out the window to make sure no one had heard him or even worse, could see what was happening within the confines of his cop car.

But the parking lot was empty. No one was there to witness Beth sucking his dick, no one there to see Rick lift her ponytail up out of her way, not only for her sake but for his own. He wanted to watch her mouth moving over him, to see what exactly was making his balls contract forcefully, to stare down at her wet lips licking and sucking every hard inch of him.

When she eagerly lapped up the precum that was already starting to slowly leak out of him, Rick knew he wasn't gonna last much longer. Not with her rhythm increasing, her moans vibrating off his sensitive skin, almost matching the volume of his own.

His eyes darted out the window one last time until finally he couldn't fight it off anymore, let his eyelids close just as his cock jerked in her mouth. To his surprise, Beth stayed put, allowed him to release every last drop down her throat in forceful spurts.

It wasn't until he'd finished that she finally pulled away, pressed her mouth to his while he tried to catch his breath, the car suddenly feeling too hot despite the cold outside.

"You're gonna kill me." He told her after he'd gotten a good taste of himself off her lips, panting inbetween her deep kisses.

"I hope not." She answered, pulling away with a satisfied smile. "I'm not done with you just yet."

* * *

><p>As Rick made his way back into the shop he couldn't feel guilty no matter how hard he tried. Maybe he had left Abe hanging to go fool around like a teenager, but it'd been worth it. And even after he'd kissed her goodbye with a promise to see her later that night, Rick still wished he didn't have to watch her go.<p>

But when he walked back inside, he tried his best to wipe the grin off his face. When he took his place next to Abraham without a word he thought he might get away with it, that his friend would actually let something go for once. It was all wishful thinking though.

"That was an awfully long test drive." Abraham said, both of them looking out at the empty store, never making eye contact.

"It was." Rick agreed, actually biting the inside of his jaw to stop from smiling.

"Kinda weird that the car never moved."

Rick didn't say anything. Figured if maybe he didn't reply, Abraham would drop the topic. But his silence only seemed to make it worse, giving Abraham the opportunity to say his next words before busting into laughter.

"Your fly's unzipped, dumbass."

"Shit."

Rick zipped his jeans back up, couldn't help but to laugh along to as he did it.

"It wasn't too busy in here was it?" He asked, finally starting to feel a bit worried about someone other than Abraham realizing what he'd been up to.

"It was dead." Abe assured him. "But this means I'm free to speed without tickets, right?"

Rick laughed and nodded, found himself in a giving mood.

"No tickets. I promise."

They both just stood there for a minute, both of them laughing. Rick knew he was going to miss the place. He'd never thought the day he'd walked in and asked for the job that he'd ever grow fond of it. But somehow he had. It'd been the place where he'd slowly found his place in the community again, responsible for most of the mended friendships he now had. And just when he was feeling particularly bad for leaving, Abraham spoke, somehow making it worse.

"You should take tomorrow off." The other man said, and Rick had to look at him to see if he was being serious.

And for once, he was.

"But tomorrow's my last day." Rick told him, not quite understanding why Abe was letting him go early.

"I know. But you should stay home. Enjoy that pretty new girl you have. Before you know it you'll be working twelve hour shifts, taking late calls, getting fat from doughnuts. Take a day off. You deserve it."

Rick still didn't look at Abe at the words, knew Abe wouldn't want Rick to acknowledge that he was being nice. Instead Rick just nodded, understanding that his friend was actually paying him a favor.

"You're sure?" Rick asked one last time, not sure if he wanted Abe to say yes or no.

"Yeah, I'm tired of looking at your face anyway. May as well go home to that pretty new girlfriend who isn't sick of you yet."

Rick almost objected, almost told Abraham that Beth wasn't his girlfriend. And as silly as the word seemed, it didn't make it any less true. Hadn't they just decided on it right before everything else that had happened? And as strange as the word sounded in his head, Rick knew he still wouldn't have it any other way.

"Thank you." He finally told Abe, finally meeting his eyes.

They both just nodded their heads, the small act saying more than any words could. Both of them understanding that it was officially their last day together and despite the rough start, Abraham and Rick both knew they'd miss each other.

* * *

><p>Rick didn't get much of a chance to miss Abraham for too long. Once they closed up for the day and headed home he was quickly distracted again. He told himself it wasn't his fault. It was hard to linger on his affection for anyone other than Beth once she showed up with movies and dinner in tow. He even somehow managed to make it through pizza and two movies without touching her, figuring Carl probably wouldn't have appreciated it. Even if he was okay with their new relationship, Rick knew better than to make him feel like a third wheel in his own living room.<p>

Instead, Rick found himself dozing off on the couch with Beth next to him, feeling more at ease than he had in a long time. He might've been clueless as to what was happening on the television screen, but he stayed aware of Beth and Carl's voices filling the room, his ears picking up all he needed to know. That whatever was happening between him and Beth wasn't effecting her relationship with his son at all, their easy laughter finally allowing him the peace of mind to sleep with a clear conscious.

It wasn't until Beth had peeled him off the couch after Carl had went to bed that Rick finally felt energized again, especially after such a long nap.

"Abraham gave me the day off tomorrow."

Rick kissed her sweaty shoulder, both of them laying naked entangled in his sheets. Beth more exhausted from their latest romp than he was, laying on her stomach facing him, her eyes already growing heavy. And even though it was three am in the morning, Rick's mind was clear, his body still tingling, would've been happy for a second round if Beth hadn't been so tired.

But instead he was happy to satisfy his cravings with just talking, planting an occasional kiss on any part of her bare flesh he could find.

"I don't have classes tomorrow either." She told him, her eyes lazy but her smile as eager as his mouth was. "It's too bad I have to go out of town though."

He was disappointed at the news, but knew not to be too greedy. Already he felt more lucky than he deserved. If he had to go one day without seeing her, Rick would cope. Maybe he'd spend one lazy day around the house before his real job started.

But before he could make any real plans, she spoke again, the suggestion coming out hesitant.

"Unless, you want to come with me."

"I"ll go." He agreed, even though he had no idea where she was inviting him. Just eager to squash her fears for suggesting it.

His quick response made her laugh and Rick kissed her lips again, feeling ravenous.

"You don't even know where we're going."

He was about to tell her it didn't matter. That'd he happily go anywhere it was that she felt like bringing him to. Carl would be in school most of the day and he was old enough to spend the evening alone. He'd probably even look forward to it after having Rick hover over him since he'd been in the hospital.

"It's my sister's baby shower." Beth told him before he could get any of the words out.

Rick stopped kissing her and pulled away. He wasn't quite sure which part of her statement had caught his attention the most. The fact that she was inviting him to a baby shower, that she could possibly have other nieces or nephews that he knew nothing about, or just that he'd had no idea that she even had a sister. It was a reminder that he didn't know nearly as much as about her as he wanted to and it only served to fuel his curiosity even more. He suddenly wanted to ask Beth every question he could think of, until his curiosity was finally satisfied, until he could recite the details of her life as easily as he could his own.

"Don't worry, it's a unisex thing, men are coming too. It's what us young people do nowadays." She joked, sensing his hesitation.

He kissed her forehead again just to reassure her before speaking.

"It's fine. A baby shower is fine. I just...didn't even know you had a sister." He finally admitted, making them both laugh at the realization.

And if he was worried she'd begrudge him for his lack of knowledge it was quickly put to rest when she just smiled, ran her fingers through his hair.

"You'll get there." She whispered, reading his mind, knowing that he wanted to hear every last detail about her from the size of her shoes to her childhood nicknames.

Rick was wide awake though and wanted to keep her talking. He didn't just want to know he'd eventually get there, he was anxious to know as much as he could then and there, for her to talk until her voice got scratchy and her eyes finally closed from exhaustion.

"Tell me about your sister." He told her, finally settling himself next to her warm body, eager to listen.

And he did listen, to every last word. Even when stories about Maggie slowly evolved into the stories of the farm. He absorbed every detail she offered him, from the name of her horse to what shade of green the grass was. And as he laid there listening to her talk, he realized that the farm was as important to her as being a cop was to him. It was her version of coming home, her one thing that was always supposed to be there to fall back on. She too had obviously done some soul searching in those seven months and had always came back to it, even if she wasn't torn apart by the loss anymore.

"I don't know. I just always thought I'd fill it with grandchildren one day. That after my dad was long gone, we'd all still be there." She finally told him, sighing to herself at the words.

Rick just nodded his understanding, wishing he had something to say to make her feel better. But there was nothing he could offer her other than comfort, he knew that.

"Get some sleep." He whispered, pulling her closer, kissing her lips one last time.

And even though he wasn't tired, he laid still while she finally gave into her exhaustion, let his arm go numb underneath the weight of her body. It wasn't until he heard the birds starting to chirp that he finally fell asleep too, still wishing there was something he could give her instead of a good night's rest.


	13. Chapter 13

"He's not what I expected."

Beth sat in her sister's kitchen, watching as Maggie stuffed all the leftover snack trays into her fridge, trying not to say too much. She wanted Maggie's real reaction to Rick, didn't want to guide her one way or the other. It was the first time she'd been able to get her older sister alone long enough to talk about something other than onesies and possible baby names and Beth was eager for Maggie's opinion.

"Well, what did you expect?" Beth asked, hoping for the best but preparing herself for the worst.

It still seemed impossible to believe for even a second that everything would be okay. If spending the past two days with him hadn't felt strange enough, the idea of her sister being okay with it seemed surreal. Even after everything, Beth was still waiting on something to blow up in her face.

And Maggie was still a bit overprotective at times, pregnancy hadn't changed that. Beth was still expecting her older sister's claws to come out. Even with a giant baby bump that Beth still wasn't used to seeing her sister with, Maggie was just as opinionated as always. Beth had watched as Maggie had fought back a jab or two at some of the tacky baby clothes that her other guests had brought as gifts and it'd been hilarious then. She just wasn't so sure it'd still be humorous if those insults and jabs were suddenly directed at Rick.

"I wasn't expecting him at all. You told me you were bringing a guest this morning on the phone, but you didn't tell me it was the old guy who left you standing in the parking lot."

Maggie sat down at the bar across from Beth and she tried not to cringe at Maggie's description. She'd been watching her sister's reaction to Rick for the last few hours while they'd all played baby shower games and opened gifts. But it'd been pointless with so many distractions. Although that should have said something, Beth knew. If Maggie was completely against Rick showing up at her doorstep with Beth, she wouldn't have let a room full of smiling faces stop her from saying anything. No amount of diaper cakes in the world would have prevented them all from hearing her opinion.

Finally, Beth met Maggie's green eyes and braced herself for disapproval. But instead Maggie just smiled and shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean he left you in the middle of a bar parking lot when you were vulnerable. But clearly, it worked. You're here. You're happy. How can I argue with that?"

Beth nodded, understanding what her sister was saying even if it was hard to believe. It just seemed too easy.

"I thought you were going to hate him." Beth finally admitted, her worst fear voiced out loud.

Beth was well aware their relationship wasn't typical by any means. And even if Carl and everyone else in their town wouldn't bat an eyelash, that was because they knew Rick. Maggie didn't. All she'd heard was that he was a recovering alcoholic that liked to push her little sister away with every chance he got, it was all Beth had ever told her. And Maggie being able to see past those stories was more than Beth had really wished for.

"I thought I would hate him. When I opened that door and seen him standing there, I already knew who it was before he even told me his name. Gray stubble, blue eyes, old enough to be your father. I almost shut the door."

Maggie's words might have been harsh, but she was smiling and Beth knew it was okay to smile too. With the weight of her sister's reaction off her shoulders, it was easier to see the humor in the harsh criticisms.

"What changed your mind?"

"He introduced himself. Didn't shy away from something that could've been awkward, meeting the family. Plus, he sat through a boring ass baby shower with a smile on his face. It's a good smile too, genuine. I don't know, I think I might learn to like him."

Beth looked at her sister again, and seen a grin on her face, knew she was only pretending to be hesitant in her approval. Not that Beth needed any more reasons to be happy, God knew the last few days had been too good to her, but her older sister's happiness was icing on an already delicious cake.

"He does have a good smile, doesn't he?" Beth asked, couldn't quite stop herself from remembering the first time she'd seen it. Only in a picture on Carol's mantle, but it'd definitely made her do more than a double take.

And Maggie just cackled, running her hand over her swollen stomach, reminding Beth once again what she was really there for. What her and Rick had woken up at the crack of dawn to do. To celebrate her new niece or nephew.

"Sorry, I know. It's your day. But I had to ask." Beth told her sister, knowing Maggie understood.

"I know." Maggie assured her. "It's good to talk about something else anyway. The closer my due date comes, that's all I hear about. Baby this, baby that. Glenn is driving me crazy. All he wants to do is talk about carseats and Diaper Genies. He's probably up there right now showing Rick the baby's room, complaining that we haven't finished it yet."

Beth laughed, easily being able to imagine her brother-in-law going crazy getting ready for their new arrival. And she knew Rick was probably up there with him, nodding along and smiling that damn smile. The one she couldn't wait to see in bed next to her that night, Beth's thoughts quickly getting away from her, just like they had when they'd been in his police cruiser. She was grinning from the memory and to make it worse, just when she was imagining the taste of him on her lips, Rick and Glenn came down the stairs, Rick's eyes meeting hers followed by a playful wink.

She just smiled back, almost didn't hear the next words out of her brother-in-law's mouth from the distraction.

"So, did you tell her about the farm?" Glenn asked Maggie, both men coming to stand by the bar in her sister's cozy kitchen.

It took a second for Beth's brain to catch up, her eyes were too busy meeting Rick's, just checking in with each other. If Rick found it uncomfortable to be in her sister's house, he showed no signs of it. Not that it surprised her, Rick seemed to always move with confidence in a room full of people.

"Is there really any point in telling her?" Maggie asked. "It's just gonna kill the mood."

It was her sister's tone that caught Beth's attention more than anything. Beth could tell when Maggie was upset, when she didn't want to discuss something. It was then she realized Glenn's question, her face immediately turning to face Maggie's, the mood already officially gone.

"Tell me what about the farm?" Beth asked, feeling Rick's stare darting between her and sister, watching the entire exchange carefully.

She'd almost refused to tell him about it the night before as they laid in his bed. And not just because she'd been exhausted, but because a part of her was still afraid. Afraid he'd see something unsatisfying like he had the first time she'd ever mentioned her father's farm. But to her astonishment, he'd just relaxed and let her go on, had asked questions of his own, had let her tell him every last detail with patience.

But none of that mattered now. Not with Maggie sitting across from her, her hands fidgeting in front of her.

"The man who bought it from us put it up for sale." Maggie finally spoke, already sounding defeated. "We were gonna buy it but it just didn't work out."

Beth looked to Glenn first to see if maybe her sister was losing her mind, but he just nodded, confirming what Maggie had said. It definitely hadn't been what she'd expected to hear when they'd mentioned the farm. She would've believed news that it'd burned down before believing that Maggie had wanted to buy it. It'd been her idea to sell it in the first place.

"But you were the one who wanted to sell it."

Beth finally spoke, trying to hide the accusation in her voice for Maggie's benefit. But she couldn't stop herself from thinking the truth, that if they'd never agreed to sell it then her sister wouldn't have had to worry about being disappointed from trying to buy it back.

Neither of the men said anything, but Beth could feel them carefully watching the conversation, probably waiting for the first sign of a cat fight. A cat fight Beth knew would never happen. As much as it hurt to hear that her dad's farm was officially beyond their grasp, she wasn't going to put Maggie through the ringer for it.

"It's just different now." Maggie finally admitted, meeting Beth's gaze. "With the baby coming, I don't know. It just made sense to keep it in the family. Especially when it was just sitting there for sale. Why shouldn't we be the ones to buy it?"

Beth nodded, understanding how tempting that sounded. She'd alway rested easier knowing there was nothing she could do about the situation, the farm had simply been out of their control. But hearing there'd been a possibility of getting it back just made her stomach drop all over again.

"It doesn't matter though." Maggie told her, reading Beth's mind. "We couldn't afford it. So yeah...what was the point of even bringing this up?"

Maggie was looking towards Glenn, clearly blaming him for their upset. And Beth almost agreed with her sister. Part of her wished she'd never learned about it, that she could go back to believing the farm was out of their hands. But knowing they'd came so close hurt. Even if it would've meant the farm was Maggie's and not Beth's, Beth was fine with that. Actually, it would've been perfect. Beth didn't want to move back, she just wanted it to be back in their family, where it belonged.

Glenn and Maggie buying it would've been the perfect solution. Beth could've still visited it but wouldn't have had to worry about the upkeep. The best of the both worlds.

But Maggie was right, none of it mattered. Before Beth could even allow herself to get caught up in the possibility, she pushed the brakes, knowing it was pointless. Knowing that the news really had killed the jovial mood, just as Maggie had predicted.

At first no one said anything, letting the dust settle.

"What happened? Why couldn't you afford it?"

Beth glanced towards Rick after he asked the question, not quite believing he was clearly going to push an issue that was obviously making her pregnant sister so uncomfortable.

And Maggie didn't seem to appreciate it either. She rolled her eyes before speaking, the sarcasm oozing from her voice.

"Not being able to afford it means not having enough money." She explained, her southern twang coming out strong in her frustration.

Before Beth could place her hand on his, a silent signal for him to stop, Rick continued on, seemingly unaware or at least not caring how uncomfortable his questions were making her sister.

"What was it though? The asking price just too much?"

Maggie shot Beth a look instead, pleading for Beth to make him shut up, to force him to stop rubbing salt in an open wound. And Beth had never found herself more thankful when Glenn spoke up instead, answering Rick's question, getting Maggie out of the way of Rick's interrogation.

"The price is actually less than what they sold it for." Glenn told him, finally caving. "We just needed more money for a down payment before we could get a loan. At least with our credit."

Rick seemed to ignore the bitter tone of Glenn's voice and just nodded his head. Beth wasn't positve what the hell he was thinking, but judging by that stubborn look on his face, she knew whatever it was, he wasn't going to give up. It was the same way he'd looked at her the first time he'd ever told her to leave, the same glint in his eyes that he'd had when he'd told her to go get her shit together.

"How much?" He finally asked, his eyes darting from Glenn to Maggie, refusing to look at Beth.

He had to have known that she was beginning to realize what he was about to do and before she could tell him no, he forged ahead when no one answered.

"How much?" He asked again, staring Glenn down, knowing he'd be the first to crack.

"I don't know." Glenn answered, still not understanding why Rick would be asking, wanting to change topics. "Probably about $10,000. It could be less but with that much the mortgage wouldn't break us either..."

Rick was still nodding, Glenn was still confused, and Beth looked towards her sister, both of them realizing what was about to happen. And Beth couldn't let it happen. Even if Rick had that much money, there was no way in hell she was going to let him just give it away. Their past was too spotty, their relationship too new.

"Why, do you know someone with 10k?" Maggie asked, trying to call Rick out on his bullshit before he even made the offer.

And Beth knew he was going to offer it. She wasn't sure how or why, but he was. Rick wouldn't have asked for no reason, wouldn't have pushed the issue, wouldn't have been refusing to look in her direction because he had to know she'd object.

"I have it." He answered, looking Maggie straight in the eye.

"I didn't realize cops made so much money." She told him, already getting snappy. And Beth understood why, it was hard to wrap your head around someone offering you such a gift, easier to be suspicious than happy.

And Rick just smiled at the statement, not bothered at all from Maggie's attitude.

"They don't. But ones with dead wives and nice life insurance policies do. You'd wipe me out, but it's yours, if you want it."

He didn't say anything else, no one did. As much as Beth wanted to interrupt what was happening she couldn't take her eyes off of Rick or her sister, both of them staring at the other, waiting for someone to speak. And Beth was pleading internally for Maggie to just shoot him down, wishing harder than ever that they could actually read each other minds. But that wouldn't have mattered anyway, Beth knew. He officially had Maggie's attention, may as well have been dangling the ten thousand dollars in cash in front of her face then and there.

"What's the catch?" Maggie asked him, her eyes softening with each word, realizing Rick was serious.

And Beth knew she was losing the battle. She looked towards Glenn, hoping he'd back her up. That he wouldn't want another man offering his wife something he couldn't. But Glenn loved Maggie too much. If the farm made her happy, he'd get it however he could.

"No catch." Rick told her, shaking his head. "I'll give you cash. No one will ever know it came from me. But if you ever wanna sell it, tell me. And Beth gets to visit whenever she wants. However much she wants."

She'd known all along he was doing this for her, but that sentence just sent the point home. Made goosebumps appear on her flesh when she realized that Rick was willing to hand over so much money just for her benefit. Not just for her, but for Maggie too.

"Of course I'd let Beth come whenever she wanted." Maggie told him and Beth could tell by the determination in her sister's eyes that she was about to accept his offer.

Maggie wasn't stupid, nor was she the one in a relationship with him, she had nothing to lose. If Rick was dumb enough to hand over the money, she was going to take her chance. Especially for the farm.

"Can I talk to you?" Beth finally asked, her voice rougher than she'd meant it to be.

But she had to say something, do something, before he did something he regretted.

It was a sweet gesture, more than sweet. It was just about the nicest damn thing anyone had ever done for her or her family, but that didn't make it okay.

"Seriously." She told him, not caring if Maggie and Glenn were suddenly watching her and Rick instead, getting to witness how they interacted when they were both tense.

He opened his mouth to speak, already looking like a little boy that smiled when he got in trouble, and Beth just shook her head to shut him up.

"Privately."

* * *

><p>"Are you insane?"<p>

Beth could feel herself about to snap on him as she closed the bathroom door, safely getting away from Maggie and Glenn's ears and eyes. But even with the sudden privacy, Rick was still grinning with a playful twinkle in his blue eyes, refusing to react to Beth's snippy tone.

"No, I'm well aware of what I'm doing." He assured her with a grin, refusing to back down at all.

"You're about to give ten thousand dollars away." She told him, still struggling to grasp how he could just dish out such a large amount of money without blinking. "You can't do this."

"But...I can. And I'm the only one here that can. So why shouldn't I?"

Rick was still smiling as Beth just stood there leaning against the counter, shaking her head at his words. She still couldn't believe he didn't see how big of a deal it was. People didn't just walk around buying each other farms, no matter their relationship. But especially not when they'd only been together for a few days and had a history of falling apart at the seams.

"Because what if Carl needs that money later. Or if you do? Rick, that's a lot of money..."

Her voice trailed off and it was Rick's turn to shake his head as he took a few steps closer to her, his hand coming up to cup her chin, forcing Beth to look into his eyes. She didn't want to. Beth didn't want to look up and see just how genuine his offer was, to hear what she already knew.

"I know it's a lot of money. And I don't care. If you don't want me to do it because you honestly don't want the farm then I won't. But don't let pride stop you."

"It's not about pride." She told him, and it was true.

But before she could admit what was really bothering her, Beth went on, ignoring his thumb that was tracing over her lips, the gentle stroke that was trying to will her into accepting.

"What would Lori say? If she knew you were using the last of her life insurance money to buy a farm for someone else? Instead of spending it on your own family."

Part of her had expected the question to piss him off, but instead he just laughed, smiling down at her like he knew something Beth didn't. It was the moment she knew nothing she said was going to make much of a difference, that there was no point she could make that would talk him down.

"I think she'd just be happy I stopped drinking it away. I wasted so much of that money, at least let me do something good with what's left."

Beth couldn't think of what to say back to that, what could she say? And it wouldn't have mattered anyway. She was beginning to realize that even if she was against it, he'd probably do it anyway. Rick was dead set on getting his way, and when it came to a battle of wills, he always won.

When he pressed his lips to hers, she tried to fight it, the submission. But it was hard with his hands on her face, his tongue slipping into her mouth with ease, intertwining with her own. It didn't take long for Beth's fingers to dig into his shirt, pulling him closer, pulling them both in deeper. He was going to force a yes out of her way or another, she knew.

His mouth was working hers with expertise, his tongue gently plunging into hers a little deeper with each stroke until Beth found herself yielding, parting her lips further, allowing him better access, letting him win.

And Rick knew he'd won as soon as she whimpered, the very same moment when Beth's palms opened against his chest in surrender, officially giving up control of the moment.

"Just promise me something." She whispered when his mouth left her lips and began trailing up her jaw, landing right by ear.

He didn't respond, just continued on, paying each bit of her skin attention. Leaving a kiss on every bare inch, all the way down her neck.

"Tell me this isn't some redemption thing. That this isn't some grand scheme to say you're sorry to get in my good favor."

As soon as her lips stopped moving from the statement, Rick's did too. She felt him abruptly stop, his face still buried into her neck, felt his sigh against her skin before she actually heard it meet her ears.

"Is that what you think this is?"

His arms were around her body, trapping her against the counter and Beth could feel his grip on the counter's edge tightening. The bathroom suddenly felt way too small with his sudden frustration filling it.

She hadn't expected the words to upset him, she'd assumed it would be as obvious to him as it had seemed to her. It made sense and Beth would've been a liar if she claimed that the thought didn't keep finding its way into her head. That his buying her the farm was trying to make up for something.

When he pulled away and looked her in the face, she didn't say anything. Beth wanted him to speak first, to try and understand why the assumption was coming as such a surprise to him.

"I thought I was done apologizin'."

And Beth wasn't sure what part of it hurt her more. The way his voice cracked at the end, or just how he blinked his eyes slowly, almost like he was trying to block out the sight of her, even if only for a second. Or maybe it was the way his chest fell when he exhaled, his entire body going slack afterwards.

"You are. That's not what I meant."

She wasn't sure how to explain it. Beth no longer blamed Rick for what had happened. Well, maybe she did blame him, but she'd forgiven him. If she hadn't, she never would've came back. But it still didn't stop her from waiting for something to go wrong around every corner, it hadn't prevented her from almost not believing her sister could accept him so easily. She was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the train to wreck. And was it really that surprising? And what would happen when something did go wrong and he'd bought her sister a farm? Maybe he wasn't doing it to apologize for past wrong doings, but it'd be sure to cover his ass in the future.

But before she could even attempt to tell him that she was just afraid, not just for herself for but for him too, to explain that an act as big as the one he was suggesting could possibly make them both feel trapped one day, Rick spoke again, cutting her off.

"Is it that hard to believe I just wanna do something nice for you?"

He didn't even give her a chance to answer, just nodded his head, putting unspoken words in her mouth with his assumption.

And since he wasn't going to let her talk, Beth tried to touch him instead, wanted to take it away with a stroke of her hand. But when she reached out to grab his face, Rick just shook his head and took a step backwards.

"We should go home."

Beth knew there was no point in arguing, and in that moment she wanted to do nothing else other than go home too. To his home. To crawl into his bed, bury herself under his covers, to feel his arms wrapped around her body. They wouldn't even have to speak, she just needed him close, to assure him with at least her presence in not her words.

* * *

><p>The ride home was less than enjoyable. After an awkward goodbye with her sister and Glenn, with Maggie whispering in her ear to take the money, they both finally loaded up in her car to leave. Rick said nothing as Beth steered the car, his eyes staying trained on the passing trees until the sun had set and Beth knew he couldn't possibly be counting mile markers anymore. No, he just happened to be as lost in his thoughts as she was in her own. She couldn't claim he was giving her the silent treatment, if so then she wasn't doing it too.<p>

She'd glance his way occasionally once they reached the city limits again, staring at his profile from the light of the street lamps she'd pass under. Every time, he'd be rubbing his cheeks, probably wishing his beard was still there so his hands had something to worry over too.

When she pulled up in front of her own apartment, she could tell the sudden stop startled him, proving once again just how very lost in his thoughts he was.

"Why'd you stop here?" He asked, his voice scratchy from staying quiet for so long, from his confusion of not knowing what tone to use.

Were they mad at each other? Hurt? Beth wasn't sure and by the sounds of it neither was he.

"It's my place."

It was then she realized that Rick had actually never been to her apartment, much less went inside of it. It just proved how crazy he was for wanting to help Maggie buy the farm. He didn't even know what Beth's bedroom looked like, but he wanted to buy her sister an entire house.

"I know it's your place. But why?"

She glanced over at him and realized his eyes had softened since the last time they'd met hers. Almost like he was afraid she was planning on staying there. And a small part of her had considered it, but what was the point if she was going to have to drop him off at his house anyway? Plus, she didn't want to. Plain and simple.

"I was gonna run inside and get my stuff. Clothes, a toothbrush, my school stuff. That way I don't have to leave so early in the morning. I wanna see you leave, it's your first day."

And that much was true. Whatever was going on, even if their train was temporarily derailing, Beth knew she still wanted to be there the next morning when he got dressed up in his uniform, maybe make him breakfast, wish him luck on his first day. And judging by the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips, Rick wanted her there too.

"You wanna come in?"

He shook his head but he was grinning at least.

"No, you run in. It's late. We should get home."

She nodded, putting the car in park and finally opening the door. But before she could get out, she felt his hand on her arm, stopping her in her tracks.

Beth turned to face him, watched as his mouth opened to speak. And when nothing came out, he closed his lips and just shook his head.

"What is it?" She asked, wondering what was so important that he had needed to stop her then and there.

"I almost said...nothing. It's nothing." He answered, shaking his head at himself.

Beth didn't push the issue, instead she let him off the hook and got out, shutting the door behind her. But even as she made her way down the sidewalk, towards her building, Beth had a funny suspicion what it was that he'd been about to say. What couples always said after an argument. And if she were being honest, she would've said it back, finally realizing that even without the farm she was already in it for the long haul.


End file.
